<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:media="http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/"><channel><title><![CDATA[Ranger & Nicole's Walk]]></title><description><![CDATA[Thoughts, stories and walks...]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/</link><image><url>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/favicon.png</url><title>Ranger & Nicole's Walk</title><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/</link></image><generator>Ghost 2.9</generator><lastBuildDate>Sun, 12 Mar 2023 14:01:23 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/rss/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><ttl>60</ttl><item><title><![CDATA[Honoring Ranger at the Holidays 2022]]></title><description><![CDATA[In the last few days, I have been feeling Ranger's presence in such a beautiful and tactile way. I feel his love for me, I sense him all around me all the time, I hear messages of love from him - and I have been blessed with beautiful cardinal, ladybug and stinkbug signs from him. It's been over 2 years since Ranger left his physical form, and the signs from birds and insects have continued. It's really quite an incredible thing to witness. Ladybugs have manifested in the house for about a year]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/honoring-ranger-at-the-holidays-2022/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__63877d4ac49651001c8f3e0a</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 30 Nov 2022 16:13:10 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/cardinal.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/cardinal.jpg" alt="Honoring Ranger at the Holidays 2022"/><p>In the last few days, I have been feeling Ranger's presence in such a beautiful and tactile way. I feel his love for me, I sense him all around me all the time, I hear messages of love from him - and I have been blessed with beautiful cardinal, ladybug and stinkbug signs from him.</p><p>It's been over 2 years since Ranger left his physical form, and the signs from birds and insects have continued. It's really quite an incredible thing to witness. Ladybugs have manifested in the house for about a year now. It is now Winter and they are still appearing. The stinkbugs never stopped showing up - they have been a continuous presence from the 2 weeks before Ranger died up until this present day. And I'm not talking about a stinkbug infestation! They eloquently show up in strategic spots 1 or 2 at a time. Sometimes there's a hiatus of a few weeks but then one always appears right before me. The ladybugs are really beautiful - the are usually perched somewhere in my office looking right at me. Ranger when he was physically alive would always be with me in my office, my co-pilate through many years of my work life.</p><p>On my the morning walks I take with Ranger's spirit, I often hear messages from him. I don't hear the messages all the time - but when they do come through they are just lovely. Here are some of the messages I've been presented with lately. I can't really articulate which sense they are coming through - it's closest to a visualization, or a knowing - but they also they have hearing, sense and touch associated with them. Interestingly, I rarely receive 'smell' messages from him.</p><!--kg-card-begin: markdown--><ul> <li>The sensation of warm turquoise water</li> <li>'Hearing' words of love like, "You are my queen", and "celebrate yourself"</li> <li>Being presented with a living silver rose from him</li> <li>Seeing/being aware of a silver dollar</li> <li>Feeling the heat from his chest and heart area</li> <li>Receiving different colors - mostly I receive these amethyst and turquoise colors from him</li> <li>'Seeing' him in the fields on my walks during the day and at night</li> <li>Knowing without a doubt he is right there/here</li> </ul> <!--kg-card-end: markdown--><p><em>I love you Ranger. Thank you for blessing me with your loving presence. I'm not quite sure who you really are - because it seems more and more apparent that you only wore a dog body to incarnate. I'm thinking you really are some very high form of spiritual being, I believe an angel. And that is why I have always called you my Ranger Angel.</em></p><p>Christmas 2022 note: On Christmas eve, I put out a plate of food for both Ranger and Sapphire and lit a candle. In the morning, there were 2 ladybugs perched on the rim of his water bowl near the food...</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/cardinal-savvy.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the Holidays 2022"><figcaption>The cardinal is right behind my horse Savannah, to the right of her on the tree limb. This cardinal stayed perched on that limb the whole time I was grazing her in this section. It is Winter here, and now the second time I have been visited by a cardinal in a week. Ranger sent Savvy to me - and I often feel a very deep connection between both of them.</figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing]]></title><description><![CDATA[The one thing that is to be expected about grief, is that it is unexpected in its arrival. I had not expected the 2 year anniversary season of Ranger's passing to arrive at a place of feeling low, almost depressed, and a grief rekindled that hovers consistently but seems attributable to nothing. I have come to a sort of realization that maybe the anniversary time will always be some form of reconciliation for me. At the second year anniversary the reconciliation seems to consist of 1. The peri]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/honoring-ranger-at-the-2nd-anniversary-of-his-passing/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6318dcbbd4df3a001c95a3f4</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 13 Sep 2022 22:38:57 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/forever-loved.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/forever-loved.jpg" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/><p>The one thing that is to be expected about grief, is that it is unexpected in its arrival. I had not expected the 2 year anniversary season of Ranger's passing to arrive at a place of feeling low, almost depressed, and a grief rekindled that hovers consistently but seems attributable to nothing. </p><p>I have come to a sort of realization that maybe the anniversary time will always be some form of reconciliation for me. At the second year anniversary the reconciliation seems to consist of 1. The period of life that we lived physically together, 2. The year after his passing that was so filled with signs and extraordinary evidence of the after-life, 3. The second year after his passing that has been filled with so much purpose and calling, and 4. This current 'new normal' that has only the most subtle of signs and is filled with a lot of new things in my life. It is this last most recent phase that is difficult to navigate. I wonder where I go from here. I feel Ranger both immediately accessible and yet at an ever increasing distance. I've completed many of the projects I set out to do in his honor and wonder what the new projects will be as the years stretch out before me. I wonder if the rituals of walking with his spirit, writing to him and meditating have a place in my life going forward...I question all these things this anniversary. </p><p>I would like to honor Ranger in this article by talking about some of the things I did this year in his honor. I can only hope that the completion of these projects is not some end of the road, but will lead to an ever expanding circle of honoring and giving tribute to Ranger in the years to come, and continuing our connection together.</p><hr><p><strong>Self-publishing a book on my journey through pet loss.</strong></p><p>When I started attending the PetLoss Partners grief group shortly after Ranger passed away, I never intended to write a book of my journey through my walk of loss. Each week, I wrote down things I heard in the group that helped me, that resonated with me and that helped me to heal. It wasn't until I had been in the group for over a year that I thought to write a reflection book of the loss themes I had traversed through accompanied by the quotes I had written down spoken by other people who had lost their pets and were deeply grieving.</p><p>This book is not for sale. But if I feel it would help someone who is also grieving, I offer to send them a copy. As I re-read this book from time time, I realize that is largely a book about grief, healing and community - and could speak to a lot of people navigating loss, not just those of us who have lost their beloved animal companions.</p><p> </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/OneYearOfPetLoss_NicoleRose01.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/OneYearOfPetLoss_NicoleRose02.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/OneYearOfPetLoss_NicoleRose03.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/OneYearOfPetLoss_NicoleRose04.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/></figure><p/><hr><p><strong>Co-organizing Horsepower Event, the first annual motorcycle charity run for the 13 Hands Equine Rescue</strong></p><p>My horses have been the single biggest gift that Ranger gave me when he crossed over. Adopting my horses Hope and Savannah not only fulfilled a life-long dream of having my own horse, but it opened up a calling that I did not know existed before. Because of Savannah and Hope I started to really learn about horses and most specifically about rescue horses. Horses really need us - there are so many horses that are experiencing difficulty and abuse and most of the times we don't see it. There are the extreme cases of horses dying on the racetrack or the stories we read about the NY Central Park of carriage horses, like Ryder, just collapsing. But there are the many many quiet cases, where horses are used for their ability - and when they stop being useful and profitable to humans they go down a track of often being ruthlessly used and ultimately sold to the slaughterhouse.</p><p>Ranger definitely is showing me a calling to help with horses. I never expected this, I never expected that being the carer for Hope and Savannah would be such a continuously transformational experience. I know that this calling will continue to unfold, and I feel Ranger's spirit and presence come through my horses so many times.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/HorsePower-FinalFlyer_07142022.png" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"/></figure><p/><hr><p><strong>Adopting Gunther</strong></p><p>I really never thought I would be able to open my heart to another dog after Ranger passed away. </p><p>20 months after Ranger's passing, I drove 3600 miles from NY to Texas and back to adopt a rescue dog, named Gunther.</p><p>There was another failed attempt at adoption before this epic trip to meet and adopt Gunther. I had thought maybe of adopting a pitbull named Gwendolyn at Christmas that year, but as soon as I announced my intention I was beset with a heartache I cannot even describe. It was like someone had ripped my heart open again and all the grief I was feeling about Ranger just came pouring out again. I can only say I was incredibly grateful when I got the message from the rescue, DallasDOGRRR, that Gwendolyn would not be a good fit for my cats. At the same time I was looking into Gwendolyn I also saw Gunther on the rescue website. But as soon as Gwen fell through the rush of relief I felt let me know that I was in no way ready to pursue Gunther.</p><p>4 months later I saw that Gunther was still available for adoption on the DallasDOGRRR site. I couldn't imagine why he was still available. But I knew that he was waiting for me.</p><p>The whole drive down to Texas, I spoke with Ranger. I spent the night sleeping in my truck cab at a Pilot stop just like I did so many times with Ranger. And on the way back, I felt that Ranger was with Gunther and I.</p><p>Gunther knows about Ranger. I have one dog who is physically with me, and the other is here in spirit only.</p><p>Gunther is a very special boy, and I am incredible grateful for him coming into my life.</p><p> </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/FB_IMG_1635332086374.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"><figcaption>Gunther, when DallasDogRRR found him.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/FB_IMG_1639307721487.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Honoring Ranger at the 2nd Anniversary of his Passing"><figcaption>Gunther, just before I adopted him.</figcaption></img></figure><hr><blockquote>2 years.</blockquote><p>That's a long time to be without someone you love. It seems incredulous to me that 2 years have actually passed. I know he's still around. But it's more difficult to reach Ranger now. It is like life has rushed in to fill the vacuum of where he once was. Our physical presence demands space in so many ways. There's the actual space we take up, but then there is also all the care and routines established and rooted in our physical beings. The only space that Ranger takes up now is the space that I consciously make for him. </p><p><em>I am grateful that a couple of ladybugs appeared on our home walls in the 2 days before his anniversary. And for the hummingbird that appeared and stayed right over my head as I was drinking my morning coffee on the day before his anniversary. Gone are the extravagant displays of bizarre acting birds, butterflies, insects and dragonflies - but these 2 signs from Ranger assured me that he is still very much with me.</em></p></hr></hr></hr></hr>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[2nd Year Anniversary Meditation]]></title><description><![CDATA[It's around this time of year, when August slides into early September, that I generally feel the melancholic sense of vibrant Summer taking its sudden turn into the slow descent that will arrive at Winter. The days are still hot, but the insect sounds have changed, and the feeling of something about to end is omnipresent in the air. This is also the season when the last embers of Ranger's life glowed. And on the approach of this second anniversary of his passing I have been feeling these bitt]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/2nd-year-anniversary-meditation/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__630fbffee35349001c25a9b2</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 31 Aug 2022 21:17:55 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/summer-to-fall.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/summer-to-fall.jpg" alt="2nd Year Anniversary Meditation"/><p>It's around this time of year, when August slides into early September, that I generally feel the melancholic sense of vibrant Summer taking its sudden turn into the slow descent that will arrive at Winter. The days are still hot, but the insect sounds have changed, and the feeling of something about to end is omnipresent in the air. </p><p>This is also the season when the last embers of Ranger's life glowed. And on the approach of this second anniversary of his passing I have been feeling these bittersweet last Summer days even more intensely - almost like a large dark cloud appeared out of nowhere in my life and is just hanging in the periphery of my consciousness, daily.</p><p>Up until August this year, most of this second year without Ranger physically with me has been a good year. There are so many blessings in my life, my farm & house, my two beautiful horses, my new puppy, my cats, my birds and my bunnies! I feel the happiness of farmlife and the joyousness of all my animals all around me. I have done many things this year in Ranger's honor to help other animals, and I feel he is integrally a part of all the things I'm doing in my life now.</p><p>It's just a couple of days a way now from Ranger's second Angel Day anniversary, and like last year the approach to the day is somber and marked. Unlike last year, gone are the continuous big displays of strange-acting butterflies, birds and dragonflies around me. There have been conspicuously very few signs this last year. Last August at this time I was in Chicago at the Healing Hooves Healing Hearts Butterfly Release. And the orange monarch I released in Ranger's name - followed me all the way home to New York. Now I know it wasn't the same butterfly, but I'll be darned if a large orange monarch did not tail me consistently for the next few weeks. And I have photographic and video evidence of this strange spectacle.</p><p>I feel solemn, contemplative, peaceful, grateful and sad. There is a hollowness somewhere in me that has its own tone of resonance. I felt the hollowness today as Gunther, my new puppy, and I traversed the same paths in Luther Forest that Ranger and I did years ago. I had flashes of memory of Ranger's great big smile as he immersed himself in paddling through the stream, up and down and up and down. Through the sun dappled forest leaves, I could see/remember Ranger darting all about through the forest canopy. I had a sense of Ranger being very large and expansive on this walk with Gunther and I. Like he was everywhere, all around me in that forest. But there was also the hollowness, the place I can never return to. The place of being immersed in the moment with his physical presence, that day seems far away to me now. </p><p>Gunther has become a farm dog since I adopted him in May of this year, and while I could tell he was intrigued by the forest scents and somewhat amused by the stream - that he was not really that engaged by this experience. It was novel to him, and he was enjoying sniffing out new things and skipping along the forest path with me. It was towards the end of the trail, that I realized that I'll probably never come back to this trailhead again. I'm glad we went to the Luther Forest trail in honor of Ranger today, but I had a strong sense that Gunther and I need to seek out new forest walks together. </p><p>I realized today that Ranger continues to be with me in largely new ways. I hadn't realized until today, that so much has changed, so much is new since he left his physical form. I take a walk with his spirit almost every morning. But there's nothing on that walk that is remotely like any of the walks I took with him when he was alive. On this walk, I feel him large, in the wind - and I always say <em>"Look how beautiful the mountains are, Ranger..."</em></p><p>As I write this, I come to my own internal answer I have been seeking out - this time of year is hard for me because it marks an inevitable return of some sort. A revisiting of an end and a beginning. The next few days I took off from work, and hope to meditate, listen, revisit some of our favorite spots, do some things in Ranger's honor and journal. Gone are the jagged sharp edges of grief, but I still do feel a lump in my throat, a wistfulness and a sense of needing to turn inwards and connect with him more deeply during this marker of his transition.</p><p>Beautiful artwork credit: <a href="http://www.hollydoesart.com/2019/09/summer-to-fall-transition-piece.html">http://www.hollydoesart.com/2019/09/summer-to-fall-transition-piece.html</a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Some of My Experiences with Pet Communication]]></title><description><![CDATA[After Ranger's 1-year Angel Day anniversary, in the Fall of 2021, I decided to develop my abilities in animal communication by taking Danielle MacKinnon's Soul Level Animal Communication Course 101. The course is largely focused on communication with pets and animals that are living, with a segment dedicated to communicating with animals who have passed on. It was an interesting course, Danielle offered many insights and structured exercises to develop pet communication through the weeks where ]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/my-thoughts-on-pet-communication/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6268699ab18ec0001cce5fd9</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 15 Jun 2022 14:39:00 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/dog-child.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/dog-child.jpg" alt="Some of My Experiences with Pet Communication"/><p>After Ranger's 1-year Angel Day anniversary, in the Fall of 2021, I decided to develop my abilities in animal communication by taking Danielle MacKinnon's <em>Soul Level Animal Communication Course 101</em>. The course is largely focused on communication with pets and animals that are living, with a segment dedicated to communicating with animals who have passed on.</p><p>It was an interesting course, Danielle offered many insights and structured exercises to develop pet communication through the weeks where you worked with unknown animals, worked with other people in the course on communicating with their pets, and learned many techniques for grounding your energy, and methods of connecting with animals both living and in spirit only.</p><p>I'm an open person who is also a critical thinker, and I found that this course required a lot more openness on my part. I had experienced so many signs from Ranger during 2020-2021, that I knew that pet communication is real, but I had to go to another level of staying open when taking this course.</p><p>I wanted to share 2 beautiful pet communication experiences I had while in the course. I hope that you as the reader will understand from them, how the most important thing to receiving pet communication, is to stay open.</p><p><strong>My reading with Heidi Lou</strong></p><p>The first experience was when I did mutual reading with my course mate, Heidi Lou. Heidi Lou lives in France with her cat Sissi. I was going to do a reading for Heidi Lou on Sissi, and she was to do a reading for me on my cat, Harlowe. The session started with us connecting over Skype. I went first, I was nervous - how in the world could I possibly communicate with an unknown cat in France?? There were two things from my reading that I remember to this day, months later. The first message I received from Sissi was that she felt sick to her stomach and did not want tuna in her meal. The second message I received was a visual of a strip of large rocks all together. I almost didn't communicate this visual I had to Heidi Lou...large rocks? What on earth do large rocks have to do with a cat in France? - this is clearly my imagination at work, I thought...</p><p>Heidi Lou confirmed these 2 messages from my reading: Sissi had indeed not been feeling well and wasn't eating. Her meals contained tuna, and Heidi was going to remove the fish from the meal.</p><p>As for the rocks, Heidi then sent me an image over Skype of the view outside their apartment. She said that Sissi always sat at that window and looked out on this view all day long:</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/HeidiLou-PetCommunication-Rocks.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Some of My Experiences with Pet Communication"><figcaption>Rocks, in the view from Sissi's window.</figcaption></img></figure><p>HeidiLou's reading of my cat, Harlowe was beautiful. She told me how Harlowe is nervous around strangers and showed her this by running and hiding in a corner when HeidiLou entered the 'meeting room'. She also shared with me that Harlowe loves to walk around outside, and does this on a daily basis. That she's mad if she doesn't get her daily walks. Lastly she shared with me that Harlowe's message for me is that Harlowe "Wants me to be at peace with myself."</p><p>Harlowe totally hides around strangers, she walked everyday outside our campsite and got very annoyed if she was not let out to take her stroll. I thought the message from Harlowe was very beautiful and meaningful - I can't validate for the reader how I know this message to be true except that Harlowe is always looking into me with eyes like she's an angel watching over me.</p><p><strong>My reading with Cheryl</strong></p><p>My next class reading was with my friend, Cheryl. Cheryl and I came to know each other in Sandra Grossman's Petloss Partners Grief Group. Cheryl, through the whole class kept saying to me that she felt like she just wasn't getting any of the pet communication exercises. I had to agree with her on some of the exercises - I had resistance too, I didn't understand always understand how that particular lesson was going to lead to greater communication abilities.</p><p>Cheryl and I decided to connect with each other's beloved dogs who had crossed over - her Ewi, and my Ranger. Unlike HeidiLou, Cheryl and I knew each other's stories of loss, and about each other's dogs - although we had never met each other's dogs. So you could say that perhaps some of the communication might have been informed from knowing each other in advance. Even if that's true, Cheryl's message to me sent to her from Ranger has been fundamental in my understanding of how my life is unfolding, and the calling that Ranger is continuing to guide me on. She told me that Ranger is arranging to have lots of animals come into my life, and that he wants me surrounded constantly by these animals. This reading happened back when we only had our 2 current kitties and 3 new birds. Now we have 2 horses, 2 bunnies, 4 birds, 2 cats and chickens on the way. I know that Ranger communicated to Cheryl, and that all these animals are part of his legacy and mission for me going forward.</p><p>My reading to Cheryl from Ewi seemed kind of strange. I don't remember many details of it, except that I saw Ewi being constantly mischievous and buzzing around on a flying carpet. Cheryl laughed and said that Ewi was always doing things to make her laugh. I really don't know why Ewi showed me the flying carpet, but it was the first time I heard Cheryl laugh in the months I had known her, since her loss.</p><hr><p><strong>Pet communication experiences on our new property.</strong></p><p>When Nugi and I moved to this property the Fall of 2021, I felt the spirit of happy animals everywhere. We knew nothing about the history of this place - except that we assumed that animals once inhabited the barn.</p><p>Shortly after we moved in, Nugi said he felt the presence of a pig move within the single tree we had in our backyard, a very large maple tree. We found out a few months later from the son of the late owner that a pig pen used to surround this tree...</p><p>A few months after this, we also found out through a 'chance' encounter that the original owner of this land used to own a large dairy farm on it. And that the place where our quonset hut is was where the old dairy barn used to be. The dairy barn was hit by lightening, and all the animals inside of it died in the fire. We confirmed the dairy barn during an inspection under the dirt floor of large concrete stanchions still in place.</p><p><em>Just a few week's ago, Nugi told me that the spirit of a pig led him from working on our chicken coup into the quonset hut, where the said spirit pig then brushed up against his leg...and then a few days later he saw this pig spirit run across the lawn into the maple tree.</em></p><p>My experiences with Nugi is that he has a natural gift of pet communication that has been confirmed many times. He's also a natural medium, and has had many experiences with human souls who have passed on, but he's always pushing away from that gift.</p><p>~</p><p>I hope to continue to evolve my pet communication abilities. My horse, Savannah does regularly speak to me telepathically. She tells me when she wants to see me, or when she's hungry. I find that my cats only seem to send me messages when something is wrong with them. So far, I don't believe I've received any telepathic communication from my birds or bunnies yet.</p><p>For those interested, here is Danielle MacKinnon's website: <a href="https://www.daniellemackinnon.com">https://www.daniellemackinnon.com</a></p><p/></hr>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Love endures all]]></title><description><![CDATA[Ranger & I, at the start of his illness and the start of the Pandemic in early 2020, at Saratoga Lake.Last night I finished organizing all of Ranger's photos through the years on my iPhone into his Ranger album. It's taken me a little over a year to organize all his photos, nearly 3000 in number. I anticipated when I got to the photos during the last 6 months of his life that it was going to be difficult for me revisiting these times. But actually the photo review of this ending period was very]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/joy-and-love/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__61fa84296720e6001cd7d67b</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 02 Feb 2022 13:56:00 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Myself_Lake-2020.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Myself_Lake-2020.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Love endures all"><figcaption>Ranger & I, at the start of his illness and the start of the Pandemic in early 2020, at Saratoga Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Myself_Lake-2020.jpg" alt="Love endures all"/><p>Last night I finished organizing all of Ranger's photos through the years on my iPhone into his Ranger album. It's taken me a little over a year to organize all his photos, nearly 3000 in number.</p><p>I anticipated when I got to the photos during the last 6 months of his life that it was going to be difficult for me revisiting these times. But actually the photo review of this ending period was very healing and produced a deep peace and understanding in me that I hadn't had before. There were definitely moments I captured on camera in the season of his illness and dying where I saw the suffering, discomfort, sadness, emptiness and disorientation in his eyes. These are painful photos and videos to look at, and with all of my heart I wish that I could have taken any of those moments of suffering away from Ranger. These photos I did not add to his album, but nor did I delete them from the camera roll. I did delete the last 2 photos I took of his lifeless body, after his spirit departed from it...I don't know why I took those photos of his body under the tree wrapped in his soft camel-colored blanket, except maybe as a marker for me - that this was the end. I was able to look at those photos briefly when I got to them in the camera roll, they are peaceful - he looks like he was asleep, but he is gone. I knew I no longer wanted those photos on my phone - they served a purpose in the taking of them, but I did not need to see them anymore.</p><p>In the revisiting of his photos in the year 2020, I saw things now that at the time of capture I hadn't perceived. What I came away with after this review of the last year of his life was:</p><ul><li>We shared so many moments of deep love and joy in this final physical chapter together. I was surprised by how much joy I saw in these photos doing things together like canoeing, visiting lakes, getting ice cream together, taking picnics, being in the woods, being in our new RV, being together...It just amazed me, because my inner recollection of this time feels like a patchwork of trauma and triumph - I didn't fully remember the peace, the love and the joy until I revisited these photos.</li><li>I understand now, deeply, that love endures all. It endures the death of the physical body, it endures all sickness and all hardship. Love wins in the end.</li><li>I also understood in retrospect in a way that I didn't while going through it, that the last 6 months of Ranger's life, he was in decline. I had so many moments during that journey that were either full of fear or full of triumph...the volatile nature of the progression of his dying made it very hard to see that this indeed was a most definite process of saying goodbye. In the moment also, I fought so hard for him, his triumphs, rallies and miracles made me fight harder for him...I could not see at the time what I see now - that Ranger loved being with us so much, and us with him, that we persevered together through a walk of deep valleys and high mountain tops, towards a destination of a certain end. This understanding I have had fills me with peace, because I know that I did the right thing for him when I did - I listened to the call on September 2, 2020 that I needed to have the courage to take him to God. In the high seas of illness it's almost impossible to understand when to fight and when to let go. I have seen this so many times during the terminal illnesses of my family members and friends, and I am filled with a grace and peace for anyone who goes through this process of illness and dying with their beloved. It is not easy, and no one can judge. I just know now in my heart, that we just have to do everything we do from love. We will make mistakes, we will miscalculate things, we will not be able to avoid moments of suffering, but if we do everything from love there will be a holiness and grace in our relationships that will transcend all. And that the blessing of this love will endure all time.</li></ul><p><em>Ranger, you are forever loved.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BryantLake.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Love endures all"><figcaption>Ranger, after our canoe trip at Brant Lake, 2 months before he passed away.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Nugi-Myself.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Love endures all"><figcaption>One of my favorite photos of the 3 of us, taken during the last 6 months of his life, at Saratoga Lake.</figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Spirit Walks]]></title><description><![CDATA[Almost every day I take a walk in the morning, in nature, with Ranger's spirit. Although he's not with me physically, I find this morning time to be a time of connection between his spirit, myself and nature. Sometimes I feel him deeply on the spirit walk, other times I feel just the very silent space of nature. I started these morning walks right after he died. The area I lived in at that time was pure forest. So the walk would have views of trees, large stones with moss, deer and occasionally ]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/spirit-walks/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__61de13cee6f5db001c02bb12</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 18 Jan 2022 19:30:36 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/girl-gcc6838322_1280.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/girl-gcc6838322_1280.jpg" alt="Spirit Walks"/><p>Almost every day I take a walk in the morning, in nature, with Ranger's spirit. Although he's not with me physically, I find this morning time to be a time of connection between his spirit, myself and nature. Sometimes I feel him deeply on the spirit walk, other times I feel just the very silent space of nature. I started these morning walks right after he died. The area I lived in at that time was pure forest. So the walk would have views of trees, large stones with moss, deer and occasionally a bear. The vista on the walk has changed since I moved, now our spirit walk consists of a view of the Adirondack, Green and Catskill mountains, and the old Air Force radar station at the top of the hill.</p><p>There are other spirit walks that I take with Ranger. Sometimes I'll go to the park where we used to visit all the time in the town we used to live in. As I walk through the pines in this park, I will sometimes talk to him, or point out a dog walking towards us on the path. Most of the times I'm just very still on the walk, my mind completely in the present moment - hearing the bubbling stream, the springs geysering forth, children's laughter, raven's in the treetops, and the whoosh of wind through the very tall pines. Sometimes I visit the lake where we used to canoe or walk on top of the ice - in these visits I'm very still, listening to the lake and the wind as I walk along its edges.</p><p>I'd like to walk with Ranger in spirit at Angel's Rest in Utah one day. And when my horses are ready to trail ride with us in the Spring, he will be coming along on those walks too. </p><p>These walks are a meditation, a prayer, a ritual, a tribute and continued conversation. On the walks, I'll talk with Ranger, sometimes receive images from him, and open myself to receive the stillness and peace of our continued communion. </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/girl-gcc6838322_1280.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Spirit Walks"><figcaption>Image by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/nusypanka-7274065/">Nusypanka</a></figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Finding Meaning]]></title><description><![CDATA[Pabajja. Answering the call, and going forth... Ranger and I have so many important things to do together in 2022. I have no doubt that he continues to guide me and speak to me from the other side. He is no longer with me physically, but our walks together have only grown more important and wondrous - with me here physically and he in the world of the spirit. For most of the first year after Ranger passed on, I could only feel the deep vacuum of my loss of purpose. Walking Ranger, sharing adv]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/finding-meaning/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__61d4d4de1ce24e001c54e545</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 04 Jan 2022 23:53:07 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/catapillar-butterfly-transformation.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3 id="pabajja-answering-the-call-and-going-forth-">Pabajja. Answering the call, and going forth...</h3><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/catapillar-butterfly-transformation.jpg" alt="Finding Meaning"/><p/><p>Ranger and I have so many important things to do together in 2022. I have no doubt that he continues to guide me and speak to me from the other side. He is no longer with me physically, but our walks together have only grown more important and wondrous - with me here physically and he in the world of the spirit.</p><p>For most of the first year after Ranger passed on, I could only feel the deep vacuum of my loss of purpose. Walking Ranger, sharing adventures with him, traveling together, caring for him, spending time in his presence and going through deep transformations together gave me such deep meaning and purpose in my life. When he died, I felt as if my primary purpose in life had died too.</p><p>1.25 years after his passing, I feel I'm at the beginning of living out the new callings in my life. I have come to understand that my relationship with Ranger continues and there are still things we are working on together... I'd like to share these callings here.</p><p><strong>Afterlife studies and the exploration of extremely hidden phenomena.</strong></p><p>Ranger has sent me so many signs, visited me so many times, made miracles happen in my life and even manifested for me. One can only remain a skeptic for so long when being inundated with so many message from beyond! Actually, I still do remain a skeptic, an open-minded one. I believe that skepticism and open-mindedness are essential components in spiritual growth and awareness. During the year after Ranger passed, I took courses in deep meditation, Reiki and pet communication - and I voraciously read books written by lay people, mediums, pet owners, pet communicators, doctors and scientists on the afterlife and what the Dalai Lama has coined 'extremely hidden phenomena'. I documented all of my spiritual encounters in my journal.</p><p>I am continuing this study through documentation of my continued experiences with reality beyond this physical one, reading more books, attending different seminars and connecting more fully to the community of people who have had experiences that go beyond this physical world.</p><p><strong>Immersion in animal communication, the Animal Mind Network.</strong></p><p>Many new animals have come into my life since Ranger crossed over, including 2 precious horses and a clan of birds. I live in a rural setting now and most of my communication outside of work is with the animals in my house and farm, and those animals that surround my farm in the wild. Through behavioral courses and training I'm immersed in with the horses, I'm coming into a whole new understanding of animal intelligence. Animals have a social intelligence and a connection to the greater consciousness that far exceeds humans. Part of our brain (the neocortex) actually gets in the way of connecting more fully to all of creation and conscious understanding. Animals are teaching me about communication on a level I never knew about before. Animals communicate telepathically, with body language, with intention, with their voices - the full communication spectrum. And I believe that all of the animal creation is talking amongst themselves - animals here physically are communicating regularly with those animals who are in spirit only. I see evidence of this communication between the spirit world animal and the physical animal in my pets on the farm and in the house.</p><p>My studies of the Animal Mind Network are nascent, and they are merely documentary in nature at this point, but I would very much aspire to progress my study of their consciousness and communication to a study with controls.</p><p><strong>Helping animals.</strong></p><p>We are here to learn from animals. They are not ancillary creatures providing a backdrop of entertainment to our human existence. They have mastered conscious awareness and unconditional love, and they are here to help us grow and evolve. I want to help animals because most of society does not realize how elevated animals are. By being a positive force in animal rescue, we can help animals that are in abusive, unwanted and unsafe situations. By helping these animals we restore trust between animal and human, and our work helps our entire world culture to understand that love and empathy are fundamental to our existence. In 2022 I will be further engaging with horse rescue and bringing the sacredness of the horse to as many humans as I can. I will also be continuing my work with dog rescue through donations, and helping those in need who have dogs. Most of all, I will be listening to the animals who cross my path and acting on their direction.</p><p><strong>Pet-loss support.</strong></p><p>The biggest source of my inner transformation during my first year of loss of Ranger, came through my grief work in the PetLoss Partners grief support group, and in 1-1 grief counseling with Sandra Grossman. I am in process giving forward the amazing support and healing I experienced to those who are experiencing pet loss and are alone in the grief, like I once was. In the Spring of 2022 I will be embarking on a pet loss bereavement facilitator course with PetLoss Partners. I have written a book on my experience moving through grief in my first year and am in the process of having that book edited and will self publish it. My intention is to be a light of change in this grief-averse society we live in, especially in the area of disenfranchised pet-loss grief.</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[One Year]]></title><description><![CDATA[September 2, 2021 was the one year anniversary of Ranger's passing. In the couple of months leading up to this anniversary I went through a difficult passage - one of reflection, disbelief, deep sadness and resurgence of many of my early feelings in this grief journey. Ranger, though, in his true fashion, made sure that we knew he was near to us on his first Angel Day with some amazing signs that I will never ever forget. Although I felt a certain anxiety in the months leading up to the day, th]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/one-year/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__615f803fc80dde001c26340e</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 24 Nov 2021 00:10:06 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch03.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch03.jpg" alt="One Year"/><p>September 2, 2021 was the one year anniversary of Ranger's passing. In the couple of months leading up to this anniversary I went through a difficult passage - one of reflection, disbelief, deep sadness and resurgence of many of my early feelings in this grief journey.</p><p>Ranger, though, in his true fashion, made sure that we knew he was near to us on his first Angel Day with some amazing signs that I will never ever forget. Although I felt a certain anxiety in the months leading up to the day, the actual day of his anniversary felt light, joyful and almost normal.</p><p>A week before his anniversary I rode my motorcycle out to Chicago, IL from Newton, NJ. I was scheduled to attend a motorcycle rally in the heart of Chicago and 'coincidentally', my project manager from work, Dave, and his wife were also holding a butterfly release ceremony for the victims of COVID-19 in their community in that same weekend. I was asked by Dave if I would like to have a butterfly released in memory of someone who had died this past year during the pandemic - and I told him, yes, I would like to have a butterfly released in Ranger's honor and memory.</p><p>The butterfly release ceremony was held in a park in the outskirts of Chicago. Dave and his wife Tina run a non-profit, <a href="https://angelhooveshealinghearts.org/">Angel Hooves Healing Hearts</a>, and their organization had organized this event, as well as cultivating a good portion of the butterflies to be released that afternoon. Ranger's orange monarch butterfly was neatly pressed into a cool parchment pouch. It was amazing to me that the butterfly could still be alive flattened in this way - but I was assured that the butterfly that had been kept in a freezer up until the ceremony, would warm up and be ready to fly away once released from his tiny envelope. </p><p>The ceremony included moving words from a local pastor, and a video of all the victims of COVID in the local community who were being honored that day. At the end of the video there was a montage of all the pets who had also passed away this year, including my Ranger. There were 2 larger cages with butterflies in them ready to be released after the video. The butterflies were released into the hot Chicago afternoon by a 2-time Purple Heart Vietnam Veteran, and an Angel Hooves volunteer - they ascended to the solemn sound of taps.</p><p>Each of us in attendance then individually released our butterflies. I cried as Ranger's butterfly finally escaped from the parchment and fluttered upwards and away.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-OrangeMonarch01.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>Ranger's orange butterfly, in Chicago, in its parchment envelope.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-OrangeMonarch02.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>Releasing Ranger's butterfly at the ceremony...</figcaption></img></figure><p>The truly spectacular thing about this day was that only an hour before the release I received some text messages from my boyfriend back in Newton, NJ saying he was having this extraordinary experience with a blue monarch butterfly who had come into our campsite. He said the butterfly retraced all of Ranger's steps around the campsite, went the shower where Ranger would bath every day, then to the spot on the gravel where Ranger walked for the first time after being paralyzed for many weeks, and next to my sneakers by the chair were I would sit with Ranger for hours in our campsite. This blue monarch butterfly stayed with my boyfriend in the campsite for 2 hours. He has much of this amazing event on video. I don't have the ability to add video on this blog, but have added photo stills from the video of the blue butterfly here. </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch01.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>An hour before I release his Chicago butterfly, Ranger's blue butterfly comes to our campsite in New Jersey</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch02.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>Ranger's blue butterfly in the area where he would lay on his pad.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch03.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>Ranger's blue butterfly spending time with my boyfriend near the shower.</figcaption></img></figure><p/><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-BlueMonarch04.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>Ranger's blue butterfly on my sneakers.</figcaption></img></figure><p/><p>A week before Ranger passed, a beautiful blue butterfly alighted before Ranger and I lying together in our campsite and stayed with us for 20 minutes - I knew seeing that butterfly then that I was receiving a sign. I was amazed, that nearly one year later - my boyfriend was visited again by the blue butterfly and that it stayed with him for such an extraordinarily long time. My boyfriend told me after this experience that he now knew that these butterfly and insect signs I had been experiencing all year were truly real.</p><p>After Ranger's orange butterfly being released in Chicago - wherever I rode, drove or walked I would have an orange monarch butterfly fly beside me, in front of me, double back and make a beeline for me, hang out beside me for a while or fly up in front of my windshield. This went on for many weeks after his butterfly was released.</p><p>The day before Ranger's first Angel Day we closed on the purchase of a house and farm in Stillwater, NY. The timing of this closing did not escape me at all - we weren't supposed to close on this day, it was supposed to happen earlier. The fact that we closed the day before Ranger's anniversary let me know that Ranger was a part of this. I knew deep in my heart that he was actively going to be part of this next chapter in our lives. In fact many orange butterflies were around us for weeks up at our new home, Ranger wanted us to know that he was here with us in our new place.</p><p>I miss Ranger physically every day, and there is something particularly hard about the journey up to the one year anniversary. But I am convinced more and more every day that Ranger's presence continues to be with us even though we can not see him. The year anniversary was a threshold of sorts that I had to cross. It was hard in the sense that the year signified a gulf between the life I shared with him when he was alive and the life with him in spirit that is my 'new normal'. But it also signified something else - I was also a year further along in my spiritual awareness of the other side and my ability to communicate with Ranger and other souls who have passed on, I was a year further into engaging in the true purposes of my life, I was also all the more closer to seeing Ranger again when that time comes for me to cross over.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-OrangeMonarch-Stillwater01.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>One of the orange butterflies in our new home that spent a morning with me while I was having my coffee.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-OrangeMonarch-Stillwater02.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="One Year"><figcaption>The orange butterfly, about to fly away, after sitting with me for a half hour.</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>I love you Ranger. I am so grateful for you in every way, and for your continued nearness to me. I am so blessed to take this ever deepening journey with you into awareness and knowing of the dimension beyond this physical one.</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Reconciliation]]></title><description><![CDATA[On August 2, 2021 it was 11 months since my darling Ranger passed away. Almost 1 year... Some moments it seems inconceivable and unbelievable to me that I have lived almost an entire year without Ranger physically by my side. Sometimes I don't know how I got to this point, or how I have made it through, or managed to live each day. I remember on the very few occasions I was away from him for a few days due to a business trip or a solo motorcycle trip, the feeling of longing that would crescendo]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/reconcilliation/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__610542617cde5e001c4bfc2c</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 03 Aug 2021 22:31:55 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/24188061-C2B1-4DCA-B80A-04E96D3C72D9.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/24188061-C2B1-4DCA-B80A-04E96D3C72D9.jpg" alt="Reconciliation"/><p>On August 2, 2021 it was 11 months since my darling Ranger passed away. Almost 1 year...</p><p>Some moments it seems inconceivable and unbelievable to me that I have lived almost an entire year without Ranger physically by my side. Sometimes I don't know how I got to this point, or how I have made it through, or managed to live each day. I remember on the very few occasions I was away from him for a few days due to a business trip or a solo motorcycle trip, the feeling of longing that would crescendo in me on about the second or third day away, and then the incredible quenching of that desire to be joined with him once again as I walked through the door of my home and Ranger greeted me with all the joy and love that ever filled this earth. I still have that physically longing in my body, the longing to throw my arms around him, to be reunited with him and kiss him and tell him that I love him. It never goes away this desire, but I have made a kind of peace with it.</p><p>I miss Ranger physically every day, but I also feel Ranger deeply with me almost all the time now. Ranger without his body feels larger and more immediate, and I feel him everywhere. The signs that colored most of my grief and spirit walk have largely gone away. I am no longer stalked and dive-bombed by cardinals on almost a daily basis, nor do butterflies or dragonflies pursue me doggedly, and the stinkbugs that lived in our RV for 10 months have gone away seemingly entirely. I feel like I know why this is too, Ranger no longer needs to send me these signs - I have come to a place where I know in the depths of my being now that reality is not what we think it to be, and that the soul continues on after the physical form has perished. Ranger is without physical form now, he is no longer embodied - but his soul, his spirit, his essence is still here. I talk to him in the morning, on our spirit walks and throughout the day, especially when I palpably feel his presence. I don't know how to accurately or fully put this experience of his spirit always with me into words, except that I know, I feel, I see, I perceive him with me always. Sometimes it is a deep gush of love I feel from him within my heart, sometimes I hear him guide me about something, sometimes I feel him in the wind or the song of a certain bird, sometimes I know that he is right beside me, or I feel/see him at a distance smiling at me and playing with all of his friends.</p><p>Over the last 11 months I have been in deep experience and research of 'extremely hidden phenomena' as quoted by the Dalai Lama. I have read the penetrating and dense 'Living in a Mindful Universe" by Dr. Eben Alexander, as well as countless other books and resources by lay people, scientists and mediums on NDEs, experiences with the other side, and experiences of the spirit world. I myself have experienced direct communication from Ranger's spirit over and over again through visitations, dreams, visions and signs, so I know that what these authors are writing about is true. I have deepened my intuitive practices with Christian meditational readings, becoming certified in Reiki level II, practicing yoga daily, practicing energy management tools and deepening my meditation practice. I am currently taking Danielle MacKinnon's Soul Level Communication course 101 and am having my senses, abilities and self trust opened up even more and more. I know that this spiritual journey I am now on is part of my calling, and that Ranger is continuing to guide me in this exploration from the other side.</p><p>Sometimes during the last month, I have also experienced a momentary feeling of panic or dread about his year anniversary approaching. I have spent some time with my pet loss counselor, Sandi, talking about my feelings about this anniversary and discussing with her how I wish to honor him and pay tribute to him on this day. It seems like my initial plans might not come to fruition, and I did experience some deep disappointment about that. I have new ideas on how to honor him and they include:</p><ul><li>Ordering an inscribed windchime memorial to be hung at Angel's Rest in Utah</li><li>Donating funds to an animal rescue</li><li>Sending out a link to the Ranger & Nicole's Walk blog to friends and associates who are involved in Ranger's life & purpose</li><li>A very special tribute to Ranger and his ongoing love that I will write about here in another post once it has been accomplished</li></ul><p>I wondered out loud with Sandi one session, 'why do I dread this day?' I realized through talking with her that I was seeing it as an ending. This anniversary date a constant reminder of the end of our adventure together in physical form, and a marker that seems to say that my experience together with Ranger is in the past now...</p><p>It was Sandi who said to me, <em>"it's not an ending but a beginning"</em>. And I knew in that moment that this was the truth. My life has blossomed in some pretty incredulous ways lately, and around September this year I'm about to start on some new ventures that I never would have envisioned before. Out of the depths of my endless grief some new things seem to be blossoming in me and in my world. I have 3 birds now, Clutch, Sprocket and Abalone. I've never had a bird and I never thought to ever get a bird when Ranger was alive. But I always remember when I'm near them how Ranger was intrigued by birds and always watched them with curious and intent interest. I am also in the process of adopting a horse. I've loved horses since being a little girl, and it feels like I'm finally being granted a dream I've always longed for now that I'm in the process of adoption. I feel like Ranger is encouraging me to live this large life, with an open heart. We are also in the process of buying a house and a farm, I never would have seen this happening a year ago...</p><p>There are times, these days, where I do get so busy with all the new things coming into my life, that the thought of Ranger goes into the background for several hours at a time. And there are times when I do feel more disconnected from him as what's in front of me takes my time and attention. After a few days of not really connecting deeply with Ranger, something feels off in me, and I know what it is. Spending time in Ranger's presence is very important to me, and taking an hour or a few hours to meditate, and spend time with him fills me with a deep peace. I know that wherever I go in this physical life that I will continue our rituals of walking together and spending time together. <em>Ranger is a part of all my going forward.</em></p><p>In one of our sessions, Sandi, mentioned that all that I'm experiencing at this point is part of a process of <em>reconciliation</em>. All that I have written about above is my experience of this reconciliation process. To me, <em>reconciliation</em> is the weaving together of all the threads of loss, new life, spirit, hope, heartache, purpose and continued mourning - and being ok with any one of those threads showing up in the day or in the moment. I am not 'over' my grief or loss, and I have moments of very deep sadness, heartache and crying still woven into the fabric of my new normal - but I do feel a sense of peace, purpose and healing that I did not know in the early days, weeks and months after Ranger passed. As a pet parent in my pet loss group said best, <em>"My grief is not going to reach completion."</em> This is true for me too, and I'm ok with that.</p><p>Ranger has not only transformed my life by coming into it, but also in his passing into the next world. I love you eternally, Ranger. <em>Thank you for your paw continuing to be a part of everything that I do and experience.</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[My Thoughts on Death, and the New Heaven & Earth]]></title><description><![CDATA[In the last few weeks, it has come to me that our being is actually a column that vertically spans a number of dimensions. That when we die we are letting go of the most dense dimension of our being, the physical form. Our being continues on after this letting go of the physical and continues to learn lessons in the rest of the energy levels of our column of existence. Death is not the end of the soul. If you are an atheist and your world is shaped within materialism only, then death will seem l]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/my-thoughts-on-death-and-the-new-heaven-earth/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60f1c5f72c438e001cd1995c</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 16 Jul 2021 18:19:21 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Nicole_JC.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-Nicole_JC.jpg" alt="My Thoughts on Death, and the New Heaven & Earth"/><p>In the last few weeks, it has come to me that our being is actually a column that vertically spans a number of dimensions. That when we die we are letting go of the most dense dimension of our being, the physical form. Our being continues on after this letting go of the physical and continues to learn lessons in the rest of the energy levels of our column of existence. Death is not the end of the soul. If you are an atheist and your world is shaped within materialism only, then death will seem like a complete end. And in one way it is an end, it is the end of the physical expression of the being, and that ending is to be grieved authentically and reverently. </p><p>I am a critical thinker, and that critical thinking serves me very well in my profession and also in terms of strategically thinking through life. I have a mind that wants to deliberate everything so it did take me this almost 11 months after Ranger passing to come to a place of awareness that existence goes beyond what our 5 senses acknowledge. I have had a seemingly endless flow of signs and visitations from Ranger in this time since he's passed. And I understand now these signs, are cues for me to wake up to reality is not what it presents itself as to our 5 senses. Death is the initial great disruptor to our sense of reality, it throws a giant rock into the middle of the complacent pool of our reality and we can never be the same after that rock has disturbed our sense of what is real.</p><p>Perhaps one of the most memorable signs in terms of its vigor - was the time I was driving on I-80, going about 70mph, when a cardinal appeared seemingly out of nowhere right in front of the driver's side windscreen and suddenly flew vertical, imminently avoiding crashing or coming through my windshield at me. Cardinals have been one of my most ubiquitous and every present signs from Ranger and they seem to appear right on cue right in front of me, or flying right behind me or next to me when I'm talking to him or feeling him deep in my heart. The cardinal on I-80 I feel in retrospect, was a deliberate attempt to get my whole attention that something weird is indeed going on with 'reality'.</p><p>In the past few weeks I have come into some kind of knowing that there are some among us who are just a little bit ahead on the path into this new world we are going into. And we are all helping each other from our points on the path to move forward. Ranger is that being for me - he is leading me into a whole new paradigm. In a letter I wrote recently from Ranger he said something most curious to me, <em>"You will see me while you are alive."</em></p><p>A lot of people will think that the above statement sounds crazy, but I feel like I know what that means. The new Heaven and the new Earth are actually going to be the intersection of the physical and heavenly realms. Earth is being elevated and spirits are making themselves known to more and more physical beings. I feel there is a point on my journey where I will have learned and awakened my consciousness so much that I will be able to see Ranger where he is now <em>while</em> I'm consciously awake. If I am correct, I will be sure to write about it here! </p><p><em>The new Heaven and the New Earth will be that marriage of the physical and spiritual dimensions once they have both reached sympathetic vibration through the elevation of consciousness of a critical mass of souls.</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Today is One Year Traveling with Ranger in Our RV]]></title><description><![CDATA[One year ago today, July 8 2020, Ranger, my boyfriend, myself and our 2 kitties set out on an odyssey that would take us into unexpected scenery. In one day, we purchased our RV in Vermont, loaded it up with our earthly household possessions, put Ranger in the cab of the truck and trailered our new home to a campsite several hours away near the Delaware Water Gap. Ranger at the time, was just coming out of 7 days of a near-death state. The week before we set off we didn't think that he would be ]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/today-is-one-year-traveling-with-ranger-in-our-rv/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60e771ba0ac152001c973796</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 09 Jul 2021 22:53:29 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-lights-070821-2.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-lights-070821-2.jpg" alt="Today is One Year Traveling with Ranger in Our RV"/><p>One year ago today, July 8 2020, Ranger, my boyfriend, myself and our 2 kitties set out on an odyssey that would take us into unexpected scenery. In one day, we purchased our RV in Vermont, loaded it up with our earthly household possessions, put Ranger in the cab of the truck and trailered our new home to a campsite several hours away near the Delaware Water Gap. Ranger at the time, was just coming out of 7 days of a near-death state. The week before we set off we didn't think that he would be making it with us into this new era in our lives. He not only held on, he showed us a true miracle during the next few months of our lives on the road.</p><p><strong>I am so grateful that Ranger has traveled with us both in body and spirit this whole year, and continues to share this journey of discovery and opening with us. </strong></p><p>Today on this day, I would like to honor Ranger in a few ways on this blog:</p><p>This morning when I picked up his water bowl in his crystal garden to fill it, I found a large black beetle underneath the bowl. The last large black beetle I had seen was around a year ago, a large black scarab had suddenly materialized out of thin air to walk across Ranger's belly. The insects that were appearing on Ranger during his period of illness were so strange that it really got my attention at the time that something unusual indeed was going on. The scarab appearance was very weird, and it started to dawn in me that these insects showing abnormal behavior on and around Ranger were messengers from the spirit world. I felt so grateful to see the black beetle under his bowl in his garden this morning - exactly 1 year from when he set out on this journey with us. <em>Thank you Ranger, thank you for being with us and letting us know all of the time that you are with us.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-beetle-070821.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Today is One Year Traveling with Ranger in Our RV"><figcaption>The black beetle under Ranger's water bowl in his garden this morning.</figcaption></img></figure><p>My communication with Ranger in the spirit world has been the deepest blessing I have experienced. He has continued to visit me, send me signs and communicate with me ever since he passed on September 2, 2020. I have for months wanted to join one of Danielle MacKinnon's animal communication study courses, and today in honor of 1 year with Ranger on the road I signed up for her Soul Level Animal Communication Course 101. I look forward to deepened communication with Ranger, my other animals in heaven, my pets here in physical form, as well as my horse that is on her way into our family.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/DanielleMacKinnon-SoulLevelCommunication.png" class="kg-image" alt="Today is One Year Traveling with Ranger in Our RV"><figcaption>Danielle MacKinnon's Soul Level Animal Communication Course</figcaption></img></figure><p>We light these candles in gratitude and love for Ranger. Thank you our dearest Buddha for showing us that home is not a physical location, it's in the heart - and for revealing to us that life and love continue on after death.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-lights-070821.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Today is One Year Traveling with Ranger in Our RV"><figcaption>Candles lit to celebrate Ranger and our relationship that is eternal.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Lastly, I'd like to dedicate this poem to Ranger and myself. We may feel so deeply lost when we enter the landscape of bereavement, but if we take the time to connect with nature as we walk the path of our grief, we find that we are surely not lost at all but standing at the entry portal to eternity. </p><p><strong>Lost</strong></p><p>By David Wagoner</p><p><em>Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you<br>Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,<br>And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,<br>Must ask permission to know it and be known.<br>The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,<br>I have made this place around you.<br>If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.<br>No two trees are the same to Raven.<br>No two branches are the same to Wren.<br>If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,<br>You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows<br>Where you are. You must let it find you.</br></br></br></br></br></br></br></br></br></br></br></em></p><p>~~~~</p><p>Ranger, as those living the traveling life say, <em>I will see you down the road...</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[We are Attached to the Body]]></title><description><![CDATA[I am coming up on almost 9 months, on June 2, of being separated in this realm from my beloved Ranger. I have entered into a new landscape in this journey of loss and connection. I find myself more than at any other time during this grief walk over the last 3/4ths of a year, just wishing I could 'go back'. Back to my life with Ranger during the 12 years we were together physically. The signs & messages of love still continue to flow from Ranger, I know he is with me spiritually and I am continua]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/we-are-attached-to-the-body/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60ad8efdfb754a001c491b66</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 08 Jun 2021 22:40:36 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Simonhaiduk-discovery.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Simonhaiduk-discovery.jpg" alt="We are Attached to the Body"/><p>I am coming up on almost 9 months, on June 2, of being separated in this realm from my beloved Ranger. I have entered into a new landscape in this journey of loss and connection. I find myself more than at any other time during this grief walk over the last 3/4ths of a year, just wishing I could '<em>go back'</em>. Back to my life with Ranger during the 12 years we were together physically. The signs & messages of love still continue to flow from Ranger, I know he is with me spiritually and I am continually soothed and grateful by his reassuring messages, but I know I have arrived at a new touchstone in my grief process that finds me missing the tactile relationship I had with him now more than ever. There really is no spiritual salve for the physical loss. The shape of my grief right now can best be summed up as a persistent <em>longing</em> for him in his physical form and for the life we shared together.</p><p>I have talked about navigating this new landscape with my pet-loss counselor, Sandi, and she said something to me a few weeks back that has really resonated with me and that I have continued to journal about since our conversation - her thought communicated to me was that <em>"We are attached to the body"</em>.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Simonhaiduk-discovery.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="We are Attached to the Body"><figcaption>A beautiful & evocative print from the collection of artist, Simon Haiduk <a href="https://simonhaiduk.com/">https://simonhaiduk.com/</a> - that makes me reflect on the tethering between bodies, and spirits. Simon's artist statement on his website is: <em><em>"I'm curious about our psychic connection to nature and the metaphysical unity of all life. In my devotion to the creative process, I strive to find ways of producing art that inspires harmony between the Earth and its shared inhabitants. I feel that our collective need and appreciation for nature unites us all. Each creation reflects an aspect of my life journey, thinning the veil between physical and metaphysical realities."</em></em></figcaption></img></figure><p>It's a strange landscape to find myself in these days. To the rest of the world, Ranger is forgotten, unknown or no longer acknowledged. I almost find myself in almost a shadow space these days - remembering his physicality down to the smallest details, the memory even clearer now than in the weeks shortly after his death, all the while the acknowledgement of him by those around me is withering. I long and mourn for his physical body in a penetrating way. These three states exist simultaneously in my these days: 1. I miss the expression of Ranger's being and soul through his physical form, 2. I also feel deeply connected with his spirit in my heart and through my intuitive/psychic abilities, and 3. I deeply grieve the permanent goodbye to his one and only physical body. Perhaps it has taken all these months for this truth to really settle in my being, that I will never see him in that body again in this physical realm. There is no amount of connection with his spirit that can soften the hard reality of this loss.<em> I want to go back...</em></p><p>My pet-loss counselor and I have discussed in our sessions, our own experiences and general societal practice of dealing with the body of the deceased beloved. It seems that most of society wants the body to be quickly whisked away after our beloved has stopped breathing. In my own experience I remember family members and friends whose bodies were quietly and quickly taken away after death, to be prepared with embalming fluid, clothes and makeup for viewing at the wake. Or my StepFather, who's body was quickly ushered out of the hospice house and into the morgue, where he lay in cold solitary stillness for almost a week before his body was cremated.</p><p>Sandi shared with me the after-death story of one of her cats when her cat passed, and how simply due to logistics of pickup by the crematorium she had the experience of spending the night beside her deceased feline companion. She spoke of how the body changes, and you have to be prepared for that, but most of all she spoke of the deep peace and grace those still hours at night with her cat's body beside her gave her. I felt wistful hearing her story, and it ignited something in my soul that made me realize that our time with the body after death <em>is</em> important. It may not be everyone's wish, but I think of the peace that a few quiet hours with the body after death could give those left living. <em>After all we will never see that body again</em>. </p><p>I have pain intermingled with my gratitude over the experience of Ranger's body after he left it that September 2nd noon under the large tree. I have deep gratitude that Ranger left us in peace and in love, but residual pain over spending such a brief time with his body after he passed. The vet had told us we could stay with him a while under the tree after he died, but in my mind I was already thinking about how busy the clinic was and I was thinking about how my boyfriend needed to get back to work. I held Ranger for 15 minutes before we got up - and for the first time in my life with Ranger, I left his body on the ground and drove off in our truck, never to return to his physical form. Leaving his body there went against every grain in my being, I had never left Ranger anywhere unattended - and I always came back to him. I regret my overly empathetic and co-dependent nature that made me put the needs of others over the need I had that afternoon to stay with Ranger's body for just a while longer. I know that Ranger is not disappointed, but for me I would have liked to have held vigil and sacred space till it felt right for me to leave.</p><p>I wonder at almost 9 months, how this would have been for me to hold space for his body, to be able to spend a final few hours with his beautiful body in my arms...under that large tree, with his soft green car coat under him and a yellow blanket over him, holding him as I looked off into undulated green, distant corn fields under the overcast sky...</p><p>Last week I took his ashes Rosewood box out of his sacred area in the cab of my truck and placed it by my bedside. I could only have it there for a few days, because the first thought that would come into my mind when I entered the bedroom was, <em>"Ranger is in that box."</em> I know that Ranger is not in that box, but his body is. It was a painful and yet I believe necessary touchstone having this internal dialog about his body versus his spirit over these few days his ashes box was visible. It has helped me come to a place of unfettered awareness that while life and relationship with the spirit goes on, that our time with our loved one's presence in the body is over. An era has come to an end, at the same time the relationship in new form is growing and continuing. I find the holding of these two realities something so deep and paradoxical that I can't really put this experience into words.</p><p>Ranger's ashes box went back into the underside of the truck cab. Before I put his cremated body back in his space, I put the box on my throne chair in his outside memorial garden and lit a little bowl of sage. I cried and talked with my boyfriend through my tears. He said something to me so simple and profound that it gave me meaning in this phase of my loss, he said that we always protected Ranger's body in life and we continue to protect and honor his body now as ashes. In that moment I realized that while Ranger is not his body, we continue to care and hold reverence for the physical remains of the dear dog I will never stop loving. I then bound Ranger's box with eucalyptus and laid out his soft favorite blanket on the cab floor after vacuuming the truck floor carpet. I put a cross under the eucalyptus encircled tree of life box. I lit a small tea light candle near the box, and kept the cab door open for several hours as I sat in our yard near the truck. Sometimes I just sat for a while thinking of Ranger, and then I would do something in our garden nearby. When the tea light extinguished, I shut the truck door, and had a feeling inside that Ranger was somehow content that we are still honoring, caring for and making space for his body.</p><p><em>We are attached to the body. </em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Messages of Love]]></title><description><![CDATA[It was late September 2020, nearly a month after Ranger had crossed over, and my boyfriend and I were coming to the end of the season at the campground we were staying in near Delaware Water Gap. We were trying to figure out where we were going to go next in our RV, and after researching many places in the NY/NJ/PA area, I kept coming back to a campsite that could house us during the Winter near the Jersey Shore. I felt that I was hearing Ranger prompt us to go to this particular campsite. My bo]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/messages-of-love/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__609b27beb66436001cb2df1f</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 15 May 2021 22:03:22 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/61154CFB-697E-4E47-A53E-64237CAEC4B6.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/61154CFB-697E-4E47-A53E-64237CAEC4B6.jpg" alt="Messages of Love"/><p>It was late September 2020, nearly a month after Ranger had crossed over, and my boyfriend and I were coming to the end of the season at the campground we were staying in near Delaware Water Gap. We were trying to figure out where we were going to go next in our RV, and after researching many places in the NY/NJ/PA area, I kept coming back to a campsite that could house us during the Winter near the Jersey Shore. I felt that I was hearing Ranger prompt us to go to this particular campsite. My boyfriend had lots of arguments for not going to this campsite, but I felt sure that it was were Ranger wanted us to be.</p><p>We came to Pine Cone Resort on November 1, 2020 and stayed there for 6 months. At the end of our time there, I knew with such gratefulness inside that Ranger truly had meant for us to come there. During the time we were there, Ranger sent so many messages of love from the other side. The messengers Ranger sent before we arrived at Pine Cone I write about in <em>Insects, Butterflies and Dragonflies</em>, and in <em>The Grief Walk and the Spirit Walk</em>.</p><p><em><strong>Messengers</strong></em></p><p><em>Doggies</em></p><p>His first message came through our neighbor's dog Cuda. Cuda would come and greet us with such enthusiasm and joy each morning as we would come out into our campsite yard. One day Cuda lay down on my boyfriend's foot in just the same position that Ranger would. Shortly after Cuda lay down, a Daddy Long Legs with disproportionately long legs and big belly appeared and walked all the way around the perimeter of Cuda. My boyfriend and I just look at each other...Ranger. If you read my stories on <em>Insects, Dragonflies and Butterflies</em> you'll understand the significant of Ranger and the Daddy Long Legs with big bellies. In the 6 months we were at the camp, we never saw another Daddy Long Legs, or another spider for that matter, the entire time we were there.</p><p>Another neighbor's dog, Buddy, came to meet us the first week we were there. I had only briefly known Buddy when one day as I'm walking hundreds of yards away in the back of the campground, I hear this dog letting out a piercing bark from far away. I look around and I can see no dog, and then off in the distance I see Buddy standing with his owner, and Buddy is pointed at my direction looking my way. He barks again and again, and I start to realize that he is barking at me. I start to walk towards him and his barking grows more intense - he wants me to come over to him. To this day, I don't understand why Buddy was so intent on my coming over to see him when I hardly knew this dog, and I was hundreds of yards away. I felt that even though I couldn't really understand this, that Ranger somehow had a hand in this.</p><p>Within the week after we arrived, my boyfriend runs over to me breathless outside the RV, and exclaims that he's totally freaked out - that he just saw Ranger running by the RV while he was sitting down to breakfast. But it couldn't have been Ranger. That is how we first came to meet our across-the-road neighbor's dog, Cinnamon. Cinnamon is a Staffordshire Terrier just like Ranger, with the same coloring and markings - only a little more red in color and about 20lbs heavier. Cinnamon became one of my largest messages of love from Ranger, and I write about my friendship and bond with her in my upcoming post, <em>Walking Cinnamon.</em></p><p>I had no intentions of walking a dog at this camp, but it was meant to be, and Cinnamon and I ended up walking with each other for 4 months. My walks with Cinnamon were so profound and beautiful, and I always felt Ranger's presence with us - sometimes I felt that he would express himself through Cinnamon. Cinnamon would turn around and smile at me just the way Ranger would on a walk, and every time I asked Ranger to please speak through Cinnamon, she would lift her leg to pee like a boy or start happy crazily munching on grass. I found out later from her owner, that Cinnamon does at times lift her leg to pee like a boy dog, and of course every dog likes to munch on grass from time to time - but the synchronicity of my asks of Ranger to express himself and the immediate gusto in which Cinnamon would start peeing like a boy or gobbling up as much grass as she could always left me with the feeling that Ranger is always listening, and showed himself through her. Cinnamon gave me a great gift by coming into my life, I felt that I was able to include Ranger in our times together, and getting to know this precious and silly girl was a tremendous gift - she made me laugh and smile every single day. I know that it was no accident that she looked so much like Ranger, and that she came into my life when she did.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/653DF778-AF04-44A1-931E-F12295F95461.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Messages of Love"><figcaption>Enjoying my time with Cinnamon, every day at the Pine Cone Resort.</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>Cardinals & the Red Tanager</em></p><p>I had always heard about cardinals having significance of those who had passed on being close to you, when you see a cardinal. But I had never experienced this myself in such an overwhelming way until we moved to Pine Cone 2 months after Ranger passed on. Every morning while there I would take a spirit walk with Ranger - a walk around the campground perimeter where I would talk with Ranger, listen to nature and take a walking meditation. Each time I was either talking to Ranger deep from my heart or crying about him, a cardinal would pass right in front of me on the dirt road and land in a tree branch near where I was. This happened so many times I can't even put a number to it. The synchronicity of my communication from my heart and the appearance of a cardinal was undeniable. The cardinal would often look at me from the tree branch it had landed on for a few moments and then fly off. I had a couple of very extraordinary cardinal experiences that I would like to detail here. </p><p>On one morning's walk, I was in the depths of grief over not having Ranger physically by my side anymore, at some point in the walk I went to a section of the campsite that is edged by deep woods on 3 sides and sat down at a picnic bench and just let my tears flow. As I was crying, I also noticed that the woods seemed to drop to a perceptible level of total and complete quiet - there were no bird sounds or sounds of any kind emanating from the woods, and I remember thinking to myself the sudden silence seemed kind of strange. And then the sound of a bird pierced the silence. I didn't bother looking around to see the bird at first, but then it kept up its song, insistently - and I started to notice a feeling inside that said <em>'this bird is singing for me, and to me'</em>. I looked up to where the bird was and it was a cardinal on a tree to my right - at the perimeter of the woods. The cardinal was looking right down at me. It continued its song whilst staring at me - I knew in that moment that this bird was a messenger from Ranger. My tears turned into a feeling of joy and comfort in this moment, as I realized that Ranger, once again was letting me know that he is always with me.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/302D420C-1DDB-468D-A943-65C0E5E5197C.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Messages of Love"><figcaption>This beautiful red cardinal flew right before me on the dirt road on one of my morning spirit walks, and then up into this tree at Pine Cone.</figcaption></img></figure><p>On the penultimate day of our stay at the Pine Cone Resort, I went on my usual morning spirit walk. This morning I was thanking Ranger for all the beautiful messages of love he had blessed us with, from all our new doggy friends, to the visitations by him, to all the cardinals he had sent to me. As I'm standing in a section of the woods there that I felt was quite magical expressing my gratitude to Ranger - <strong>two</strong> red cardinals swooped down together from the left in front of me and landed a short distance away on a low branch of a tree. They stayed there for a few moments and then continued on further into the woods by the bog, staying within my sight for several minutes.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/222781DE-5906-4D90-A310-9D032EC8F92D.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Messages of Love"><figcaption>These two cardinals descended from the sky to my left as I was thanking Ranger for all his messages of love sent to us at Pine Cone. The cardinals landed deeper in the woods, when I took this picture of them.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Shortly after arriving at our next campsite in Newton, NJ, I had more experiences with cardinals visiting me. I was sitting in our campsite yard meditating in my 'throne' chair - and I heard the flap of wings right behind me on the right side of the chair. I turned to the right and a cardinal was flying right behind my chair and flew up to a branch in a tree a few yards away. The cardinal turned to look at me for several moments and then flew away. I was on my morning walk in the campground we moved to, and again a cardinal flew right in front me on the path and landed in a nearby tree, turning to look at me. The morning after on the walk, two red cardinals again flew right before me on the path and landed on a nearby tree. The next morning on my spirit walk, a scarlet Red Tanager crossed right in front of me on the path and landed in a nearby branch - it stayed in this branch for several minutes looking at me. I talked to the Tanager while standing there, thanking it so much for its visit - I truly felt like the bird was hearing me. I feel such incredible gratitude and peace for these bird messengers of love, it is an incredible gift and comfort to the soul.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2946FDC8-6D6F-419E-A3AD-E42088333B88.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Messages of Love"><figcaption>This scarlet Red Tanager crosses right before me on my walk and lands in this tree, remaining on the branch for several minutes.</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>The next time you are walking in nature, try opening your heart in expression to the one you love who has passed on - and just see what winged messenger of love comes to you...</em></p><p><em>Butterfly</em></p><p>If you've read my post <em>Insects, Butterflies and Dragonflies</em> you'll know how significant the messengers of butterflies have been in Ranger's love story to me, shortly before he passed and then exuberantly in the months after his crossing. </p><p>We had arrived in our new campsite, and were taking a break after setting everything up in our trailer. We were sitting out in our camp yard, when a large lemon-yellow monarch butterfly flew right at my boyfriend seated in his chair, and then flew up and over him - flew around the truck several times, and then flew around our campsite a few times before flying off. Both my boyfriend and I were so joying and grateful, we knew this was Ranger saying 'I am with you!' <em>I knew the lemon yellow monarch was a message of love for us in our arrival here, as the week before Ranger passed, I was sitting with him lying in my lap in this exact same campsite, and a large blue monarch butterfly alighted right before us on the gravel. It kept flying up and then landing right before us, over and over again for 10 minutes or more. Its behavior was so atypical of a butterfly that I noticed it at the time as being abnormal insect behavior, but it wasn't until Ranger passed that I really understood the significance of that beautiful blue butterfly messenger on that day.</em></p><p>Note: Just this morning, May 17, I experienced the cardinal again during my morning meditation. I was sitting in the chair outside and I heard the rush of wings right behind me - I turned around a cardinal was flying right into the back of the chair, almost touching it, and then it turned around and flew back out to a branch on a tree a number of yards away. Amazing! I am so grateful and thankful...</p><p><em><strong>Visits & Visions</strong></em></p><p><em>Visitations</em></p><p>Ranger has visited many many times while awake, during dreams and upon just waking. I've also had countless visions of him during the day, and of the place I believe he's in and different colored crystals that inhabit the place he's in.</p><p>I've recorded all of the visitations and visions in my journal since Ranger crossed over, and will talk about a few here.</p><p>The night that Ranger passed on, we returned to our RV, so empty and shaken and disoriented. We sat down at our kitchen table in silence - and the silence in the space was unbearable. It wasn't too long after we sat down that we both felt Ranger come into the RV. The best way I can describe it is that I felt his heavy viscous form walk through the trailer, AND pass through me. I will never forget this and am so deeply grateful that we were able to feel him so soon after crossing over. I have never in the time since that night felt that heaviness of form from Ranger - his presence and visits have gotten lighter and lighter in energy as time passes.</p><p>Only a few weeks after Ranger passed, I had to return to the home in Malta, NY where we spent the last 5 years together, to pack up all our belongings. Most of the 4 days I was there were spent in such deep and consuming grief and sobbing. I felt so empty in that home that had been so full and warm for all of us, and I did not feel Ranger's presence at all and that made me feel even more despairing and black. The only time I wasn't crying was one afternoon when I was upstairs trying to take apart my bed frame - the tears stopped so I could intently focus on dealing with an obstinate screw. As I was focusing on the job at hand, I suddenly felt Ranger's presence so fully and deeply in the room that I knew he was there with me. I can't really put into words what I experienced, except to say that you know the feeling of your loved one's presence when you see them with you - and this is exactly what I felt, I could feel him with me as solidly as if he was there in the flesh. I stopped what I was doing and talked with him and thanked him so much for being there with me. This moment was my first insight into understanding that sometimes the heaviness of our grief blocks our communication with spirit, and that the best way to connect with the energy of spirit is to let go - to rely on seeing out of the corner of our eye, to relax, to let our other <em>inner</em> senses take over.</p><p>Both my boyfriend and I have smelled Ranger's poop from the afterlife. This experience only happened once for me, but with my boyfriend it has happened several times. I talk a little more about this afterlife sign from Ranger as I experience it in <em>Poop Scent from the Afterlife</em>.</p><p>When Ranger comes to me during a dream, I usually wake up right after and feel his presence in my bedroom. In the 2 or 3 month period after he passed, I would often see him looking at me very intently as I woke up.</p><p>In a particularly wonderful visitation shortly after he had passed, Ranger and I were in this beautiful landscape with these magical mountains in the background. Both he and I were scrambling up cliffs together (something we'd do in our time in this dimension too). There was a particularly steep cliff in the visitation and both of us were having some trouble getting up it. He then ran down the hillside and at full speed, turned a corner and then ran up towards me. He did this several times - running down the hill, turning the corner and then running up, and I truly had the feeling he was saying <em>"Look Mom, I am totally healthy and able to run up and down this hillside and full speed no problem!"</em> I could tell he was enjoying himself immensely, just running. On about the third loop around he ran towards the cliff and scrambled up successfully. I was so happy for him and proud of him.</p><p>In another dream visitation, Ranger and I met in the nighttime forest under a full moon (it was actually the full moon on that day). He was grazing at the edge of the forest and I was just standing with him. The visit was crystal clear, I saw Ranger very very clearly, I saw the moon and the forest clearly - and the feeling was one of such deep peace, with Ranger and I being together, sharing each other's company as we had just in life, in that moonlit scape.</p><p>In another visitation, I was only quasi-asleep on the couch, when I saw Ranger and I again at night-time lying together on the forward section of a sailboat. The sea was obsidian black, and the matching sky was dotted with starlight. Ranger was smiling a very big smile as we just lay together, sailing through the night. This vision persisted for quite a long time, and even as I was fully awake on the couch I could still see us sailing through the night and the giant smile on his face. Happy happy boy...</p><p>One night my boyfriend and I both had visitations from Ranger one right after the other. My visitation was first, around 4am. It was a very straightforward visit of walking Ranger and then us standing in a room together with Ranger in front of me, but just out of arm's reach. The visit was so normal, so simple and so clear. The sensation of being in his presence and walking him was just as full and real as it had been in life. My boyfriend then had a dream visitation of Ranger a few hours later in the morning while he was sleeping (he was really sleeping in that morning!) In his visitation, Ranger was running ahead of him and my boyfriend kept running after him to catch up to him, just as my boyfriend was about to touch him, Ranger would run off again. We found at that evening over dinner about our sequential Ranger visits - we were both amazed that Ranger visited us one right after the other!</p><p>I had a dream visitation recently where Ranger was patiently waiting for us in a dark kitchen. We didn't know he was there as we came into the house - and it was only after we went into the bedroom that I just knew inside that Ranger was in the kitchen waiting for us. I ran into the kitchen and he was lying there sphinx pose (a favorite pose of his!), patiently waiting for us. I just really remember the feeling of his deep patience, he was waiting for us to find him. I cradled his beautiful head in my arms, feeling his golden warm fur and feeling the deep fulfillment inside of me that only holding Ranger can bring me. We then got ready to go on a walk together and headed down the stairs. He was completely healthy, completely normal and I could swear we had really been together when I woke up...</p><p><em>Visions</em></p><p>What really is the difference between a visitation and a vision? For me, a visitation is a full blown real experience of being with Ranger - and it happens during the night. Visions for me, happen when I'm awake and they're usually fleeting, and the most prone to immediate debate of their validity from my critical mind!</p><p>I write about one of my visions of the golden orb, in the story <em>The Story of the Gold Orb</em>. My visions usually involve seeing Ranger for quick flashes in a garden, or just ahead of me on a path, or of some stone or imagery from where my animals are in the afterlife. Early on, I had many many visions of Ranger just looking at me - I could be walking down the street, or working or doing housework and all of a sudden I would see Ranger just looking at me - intently.</p><p>A couple of times I've had dreams about stones. The first vision I saw a magnificent grouping of aquamarine crystals all by a waterfall. I ended up buying some aquamarine crystals to go in Ranger's spirit garden. Lately, I've been seeing these pastel shade crystals all over the garden where Ranger is. So, I just ordered some pastel crystals to go in the campsite garden!</p><p>Lately, I've been seeing/feeling Ranger around our campsite - these experiences are very intense. I sense him so absolutely clearly and presently, that I am left in a place of disbelief that he's not here physically. Truthfully, I've been struggling a bit with these sensations - I get into lots of debates in my head as to whether it's the intensity of memory springing up in me of the times we spent here before he passed on, or if Ranger is transmitting these sensations to me. I am also coming to the understanding that debate with myself is fruitless and yields very little, and that rather acceptance of my perceptions is the best way to honor my truth and make space for my intuition. I guess the other reason these perceptions have been troubling, is that it makes me feel that that other world is also right here - perhaps layered on top of this world. This makes me feel just slightly out of step - like I can totally feel the other world, but because it doesn't align with what I see in the physical reality, I feel like I have to dismiss one experience or the other. So there feels to be a bit of dissonance in my experience lately of the physical and other dimension - it's as if I'm realizing that Heaven is not there and Earth is here - that these dimensions are actually an integrated experience that we can have all the time.</p><p><em>I write this post not to convince anyone of afterlife existence, but rather to honor my truth, my experiences and to honor and celebrate Ranger as I feel he continues to communicate with me and guide me.</em></p><p>May 15, 2021 <br>The Great Divide Campsite, Newton NJ</br></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[9 Months on the Road]]></title><description><![CDATA[It was the early summer of 2016, my housemates were selling their house in Jersey City, NJ in which I lived on the bottom floor. With the sale of the house, I would be moving on too. I had made arrangements with my Mother to live with her for a while in Florida while I figured out where I would move to more permanently. Shortly before I was to hit the road with my animal family and head to Florida, my Mother called to inform me that one of her cats had Feline Leukemia, and it wouldn't be possibl]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/9-months-on-the-road/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__604ad31a52362d001c61b29b</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 12 May 2021 00:51:18 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/AB35257F-03BC-4448-A923-35617FAB5FB8.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/AB35257F-03BC-4448-A923-35617FAB5FB8.jpg" alt="9 Months on the Road"/><p>It was the early summer of 2016, my housemates were selling their house in Jersey City, NJ in which I lived on the bottom floor. With the sale of the house, I would be moving on too. I had made arrangements with my Mother to live with her for a while in Florida while I figured out where I would move to more permanently. Shortly before I was to hit the road with my animal family and head to Florida, my Mother called to inform me that one of her cats had Feline Leukemia, and it wouldn't be possible to have me stay with my animals. I tried half-heartedly to find a new apartment in the Jersey City environs, but my attempts weren't successful, and the deadline was approaching in which I needed to vacate my bottom-floor apartment.</p><p>The truth is, I had no real desire to find a new home, and thus was born this wanderlust to spend some time <em>intentionally undomeciled</em>. My housemates thought I was crazy when I told them my plan to just get in my truck, with my animals and my motorcycle and find accommodations along our way of adventure. They thought I was even more unhinged when I disclosed the first stop along adventure's way would be a two week stay at a truck stop, in CT.</p><p>I found myself rather excited about this upcoming undomeciled adventure, as opposed to the time in 2012 when I became homeless - truly homeless. Perhaps my early experience with homelessness made me unafraid of not having a permanent physical home. Deeper down, in the years since my travel though, I came to the realization that my decision to go rogue was also tied to a very deep and pervasive feeling of not belonging - not belonging in my family, circle of friends or acquaintances and not belonging in society. In fact, my Australian cousin, really said it best when he exclaimed to me upon learning my plans <em>"You're planning on leaving society!!"</em>. Yes, cousin John, that was exactly what I was doing - with my animal family in tow.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/B9DC01C6-429D-410C-A2C2-7B48E1BA6E07.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Preparing for the big adventure by setting up my truck office space in advance.</figcaption></img></figure><p>It was a pleasantly warm August day, when all the more permanent household items had been tucked away in a storage unit, and my truck was filled with everything I would need to live while on the road. I had spent some time in the weeks prior to this day of departure, also setting up my mobile work office in the back of the truck - a setup complete with 2 monitors. Not sure how I managed to put everything I needed in that truck, including my bass and fiddle. On that August day, I put Ranger, Sapphire and Harlowe into my F-150 and closed the door on the empty apartment that had been our home for the past 2 years. With the animals in the F-150 with the AC blasting, I walked around to the back of the house to get my motorcycle. The Sportster was going up in the truck bed. I laid out the ramps up to the truck, rode the Sportster once around the block to warm her up and rode her right up into Chuck, my truck. I had ridden the bike up the ramps a few times before without incident - however, this time I had had the grand idea to line my truck bed with a rubberized floor just before our departure. As the Sportster came onto the bed, the rubberized floor slid out a bit and I almost ended up with the motorcycle on top of me...but I'm a strong girl and I was able to steady her and straighten her upright just in time, averting the spill. It shook me up a bit though, and I felt the first real surge of loneliness pump through me. I was alone that afternoon on the golden sunlit street, no one there to help me should I have fallen, and no one to wish me and my animals a good trip and farewell.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/70FD510F-89BB-4815-9863-C2EA8317A626.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>I documented the sliding bed mat incident...</figcaption></img></figure><p>I pulled out of Jersey City forever that afternoon, with Ranger in his bed in the cab of the truck and the kitty girls in a long cat tunnel in the bed of the truck. There was no room for the kitties in the truck with all my stuff in there, and I thought that the wind coursing through the screens on the cat tunnel would give them appropriate cooling. I was somewhere in Jersey, heading towards the George Washington Bridge, when I just felt I needed to pull over and check on my girls. The minute I stepped out of the truck I knew I had my first quandary to deal with...the weather so agreeable just a few hours ago had turned into a blazing hot August day. The kitties meow-howled as they saw me when I came to the back of the truck. They were not having any of this truck bed riding, and I could tell that it was too hot for them even in the air-cooled tunnel. I made a decision in that moment that would define the rest of our travels - cats were put into the truck, sans any cat travel bags or containering. From that point on, I had the most amazing travel with my two kitties, they loved being free in the truck - they would settle down in their respective areas and just enjoyed the ride. Usually Sapphire would be seated in the passenger seat in her cat bed, and Harlowe would be snuggled next to Ranger's rump in the cab of the truck.</p><p>Our first destination, as I mentioned before, was a truck stop. I had made a reservation in advance at this Pilot truck stop in CT. The reservation was for one of the tractor trailer spots. Later on, I came to learn that an F-150 can just park in the regular car parking (no reservation required) at the Pilot truck stops, but I didn't know this at this point - so when we pulled in, I was a small F-150 nestled in between a sea of huge tractor trailers. Needless to say, I got a lot of odd looks from truckers over the two weeks we stayed there. I did meet some very interesting truckers during our stay. At the time I was pulling off this stunt, I didn't think of it as hard, or crazy or anything difficult. I worked from the inside of my truck during the day - and since it was the dog days of summer, the AC was blasting and I was going through about $30 in fuel a day. That was my first realization, that my plan of 'cheap' truck stop living wasn't going to be so cheap. Ranger and the kitties were so content just hanging out in the truck with me while I was working. I would take Ranger on many walks on the truck stop grass patch through the day, and for periods of time I would put the kitties in their cat tunnel now under the tailgate of the truck, in the shade. I had a litter bin on the floor of the passenger side seat of the truck, and this is where my girls would go to the bathroom. It may sound very strange to hear, but we were all really content in that compact space. I have to say that animals are just truly amazing, they adjusted to this truck living right from the get go. They weren't trying to escape the truck, they never looked bored, or anxiety-ridden or unhappy. They always seemed deeply content, we were all just very happy to be together. I think it was this close-knit feeling of togetherness that birthed my little moniker for them, my <em>3 Musketeers</em>. </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/C9318BC5-00D5-4EA7-9246-4493345FE641.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Sanford & Sons style living at our truck stop home.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/9A87698B-AC61-4A73-A11A-FF0E7F9A00EB.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>David amidst Goliaths...our home for 2 weeks.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Ranger and I would sleep cuddled together in the cab. We would be spooned all night - I had pillows and blankets back there, and although it was a pretty tight space, we were very comfortable. The only uncomfortable part of the night was needing to go to the bathroom. I have what are called 'suicide doors' on my truck. This means that in order to exit the cab, you need to open the front doors and then swing out the cab doors. I worked out a way to open the front doors while being in the cab - it wasn't easy but it was doable. Once I found my slip-on sneakers I would hurry the 50 yards or so to the inside of the Pilot truck center to the bathroom.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/95567101-C786-4206-A9DB-DD71DE5621E2.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Harlowe & Sapphire relaxing in their new cat tunnel at the truck stop.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2D4796DA-E571-4B20-80D6-35519BD4E0B7.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Kitties chilling in the cat tunnel between two big rigs.</figcaption></img></figure><p>You may be wondering how I took a shower? The Pilot truck center had what I would call luxuriously big showers. You had to pay $12 each time you wanted to use one, but they were incredible. It was like going to the spa for me, the truck stop spa. On several occasions, a trucker would just give me one of his or her shower coupons. As I said before I met some really interesting and nice people during my stay. Several women truckers, truckers with their families and dogs with them, a trucker who worked for a certain infamous mob boss (and knew Donald Trump!).</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/57C2AAF5-F3E5-4092-8461-35E39F0171F3.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Harlowe and Sapphire relaxing in the cab of the truck.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/896DF1C3-5226-4D2D-A4FA-60E16F8519EC.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger and I getting ready to catch some Zzzzzzs in the truck cab.</figcaption></img></figure><p>As for work, I was extremely focused - I had good WiFi access, and I was able to perform my programming work, attend all my meetings and get my job done as well as when I was working out of my home in Jersey. There was only one person at work who knew that I was working remote remote, and she was always pretty astounded to hear about all the places I was working out of.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/94C3901F-83A0-4B1F-AA68-269873847742.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger helping me at work. The best and furriest Project Manager I ever had!</figcaption></img></figure><p>I was in extremely good athletic shape at this point in my life, and I kept up my training with a whole routine of outdoor, truck-oriented and jungle gym exercises.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/67705A7D-20FE-4836-9DC4-C4F10B94AA19.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Morning reverse crunches at truck wheel hub station.</figcaption></img></figure><p>My life felt full - my animals by my side, work was going great, working out was fun. I didn't care that people thought I was crazy for living in a truck stop, as long as I had my beloved animals with me, I could live anywhere.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E5BB7BAD-C670-4595-AA36-EB54068E90EB.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger and Harlowe relaxing in the cab during a rainstorm.</figcaption></img></figure><p>I mentioned before that I felt pretty ostracized by most people around me, shortly before I left for life on the road I met my future boyfriend. I didn't think that my newfound connection with this man would continue once I hit the road. He was the only person however who checked in on my regularly while I lived at the truck stop - he was genuinely concerned and interested about my life on the road.</p><p>~~~</p><p>I left the truck stop one day after two weeks of residency there, not because I wanted to get out - but because the manager of the Pilot center had decided that he could get a little friendly with me. I didn't' feel so comfortable dodging his sneak appearances around my truck and the one time he tried to land a kiss on my lips. I think the guy was ecstatic to have a permanent female resident.</p><p>Our next destination was a campsite in Pennsylvania. Before we settled in at the campsite though, I just had to run a Battlefrog obstacle course race in PA. I was a regular OCR runner back in those days, and this race felt like a nice afternoon excursion for me before I hunkered down at the campsite for a few weeks. The animals and I pulled up in the Battlefrog parking lot in the grass field. I left the engine running with the AC blasting and kissed Ranger, Harlowe and Sapphire and told them I would be right back. I think if anything was a cue to get my animals to start whimpering and meowing, it was hearing the words <em>"I'll be right back"</em>. Ranger started his chicken bleating sounds, and the cats were looking at me a little weird. I asked the race lot attendant to just keep an eye on my truck. And then I ran off to the start line, and ran a 4 hour race. Upon returning to the truck, the inside felt like a freezer and the animals' furs were very cold to the touch. They certainly weren't on the hot side during my race, rather they were curled up to stay warm. They were all super happy to see me, my heart was bursting to be reunited with them again after the 4 hour grueling separation.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0786A372-D350-4C7C-8E74-D37FB3F2B548.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>After a Battlefrog race I'll never forget...after 4hrs away from my animal crew I couldn't wait to get back to them in the truck.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5F836D4B-7BDA-4CDC-9B42-0F52587E72EC.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>And of course, one of the official race shots.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Off we were then, with me covered head to toe in mud, to our campsite home...</p><p>When we arrived it was dark, and I had trouble finding our spot. It was also raining at a monsoon-like volume. As I pulled into the spot, I was overcome with an overwhelming desire to go to the bathroom, I also realized that my period was just beginning with gale-like force. Grabbing a flashlight I headed off in the driving rain to locate the bathroom a few hundred hards from our site. I started to feel really upset, I didn't know how I was going to erect our tent in this rain. I went back to the truck with tears streaming down my face - I was one hot mess of tears, rain, and mud. At some point, I can't remember now, when this occurred, I had put the cats in their cat tunnel outside. I think I did it expecting I was going to put the tent up right away. When I emerged from the truck after my hour-long crying episode the cats were nearly up to the their shoulders in water, the cat tunnel had flooded. But these kitties were not crying or howling, they just a look on their faces of patient resignation when I took them out and put them back in the truck. Eventually the pouring rain subsided and I was able to erect our tent home around 1 in the morning with a flashlight. I went to bed that night with my animal family, feeling very vulnerable, raw, and wishing that I had a real bed to crawl into with my fur babies. </p><p>The first night was our trial by fire intro to living in a campsite, everything had started wrong - but things got much better from there. I met people at the campsite who were helpful, friendly and interesting to talk to. The morning after our arrival, I fed all the animals and zipped up the tent with Harlowe and Sapphire inside, with Ranger by my side we walked over the to the camp lodge, which was a fair distance, through the woods and a field and over a bridge. The outside porch of the lodge would be my office for the next two weeks. I had called the campsite office earlier to confirm that that WiFi was workable from the lodge and they had assured me that it would be. However, when I set up my office on the porch there was no connectivity. It was a Sunday, but the staff was great - they dispatched their IT person to the woods on a Sunday and fixed the issue! On Monday morning, I was in the woodland office and working with Ranger lying right by my feet. At lunchtime, Ranger and I would walk back to the kitties in the tent and we would all have lunch together. My kitty, Sapphire, was very content to spend the day in the tent, occasionally looking out the screen panels at camp life going on around her. My other cat, Harlowe, though was a different story - she tried every possible way to escape the tent, she was intent on exploring life outside the tent. My cats are very good outside, and at the end of the work day I would let them out of the tent. They would stay on the campsite spot and explore only the area around our tent. That is until Miss Harlowe got a little spooked by our neighbor's kids and decided to head for the campsite hills one evening after our dinner. I called for her, but she did not return when I called. I wasn't too worried, as she had done this a few times in our Jersey City apartment. Both my cats used to go outside into the garden and backyard in the JC apartment - for the most part they would just stay in the backyard but occasionally Harlowe would take off to explore something further away. However, by around 10pm I started to get really worried - it was raining heavily again and Harlowe was not back home (in the tent). I went to bed that night with Ranger and Sapphire and just prayed to God that she would return safe and unharmed. At 2am I was awoken by a very insistent and demanding meow right outside the tent window. It was Harlowe! Instead of being contrite, or grateful to be back with us, she marched into the tent with her head in the air, all wet, and I could literally hear her saying <em>"What are you fools doing?"</em> That's my Harlowe!</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/6B73C95D-F79C-4709-90B2-5ED0AE9957FE.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Harlowe and Sapphire enjoying tent life.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/894FB40C-7723-44FF-81C3-1DC39EFA27AD.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>A Tent with a View....</figcaption></img></figure><p>Our campsite stay fell into a nice regular routine after the initial dramas. Kitties would stay in the tent during the day, while Ranger and I made our walk (commute) to the lodge office. I would perform my work on my laptop while Ranger lay by my feet. Office breaks would be to walk together through parts of the woods, with my laptop in my backpack. We would get 'home' at the end of the workday and the supper preparations would commence over the open fire. Each day I would prepare roast meat and vegetables for dinner. All my animals would be outside, lying on a blanket or inspecting some new area of our campsite. We were happy, all together in our home in the woods.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/7FA51182-66EC-40D5-840D-FCBBAFD3D960.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger and I at the 'office' (a porch outside the campsite lodge).</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2FD57CF7-68C5-4022-8ECC-16DB9EFD1F13.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>The family together at home before supper...</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5C83BB15-5148-4957-A446-287D6A0F2160.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>...Ranger and Sapphire enjoying campsite happy hour.</figcaption></img></figure><p>During our time at the campsite we met some nice people in the site and I even got to visit the singing rocks quarry one afternoon. As much as I had adapted to the difficulties of pure tent living, I decided that our next destination needed to have 4 solid walls around us (truck walls didn't count). I found a place on AirBnb in Altmar, NY. It was a cabin in the woods, it sounded great and it was very affordable. The animals and I packed up camp one afternoon and loaded up into Chuck, and drove the 7 or 8 hrs north to Altmar, NY.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/4FFD799D-4EEC-48F0-AF93-77B2CB3BC281.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Our cabin in Altmar, NY.</figcaption></img></figure><p>The cabin in Altmar was a wonderful stay for the 3 animals and I. The pets were deeply happy in their new space. We had beautiful rituals together that included a morning walk with both Ranger and Harlowe in tow around the wooded perimeter of the grounds. No leash was required, we were in the middle of nowhere. Harlowe would just follow Ranger wherever he went. I loved these morning walks, and Harlowe insisted on always going with us. Her and Ranger would explore different areas of the woods together, both sniffing the same things, and jogging back to me in unison when I would call them back to the walk proper. I would work out outside, doing pushups on fallen logs, climb up trees, and do all other types of bodyweight and natural element types of training exercises. I also got a gym membership at a local gym in nearby Pulaski, but preferred then as I do now to workout outside. I remember this time in the cabin as deeply cozy and loving with my animal family. We would all snuggle up together on the couches and beds and just enjoy the presence of each other's company. There were no human visitors, except for the occasional very nice talks I had with the owner of the cabin who lived nearby, and my boyfriend who visited twice. I rode my motorcycle a lot in Altmar, exploring all the backroads I could, and unfortunately also dumped my Sportster for the first time in our gravel roadway going about .2 miles per hour.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/A662CAE9-F200-4082-86F4-EBF48493EF3C.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Dinnertime in the Altmar cabin was always so cozy and nice.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/7EC30983-173F-480A-8E52-A54D9A9E1912.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Getting in my exercise at the cabin was so easy with all the trees to climb...</figcaption></img></figure><p>During the evenings in Altmar I would play my bass and fiddle, snuggle with the the animals and talk to my boyfriend on the phone. We had a wonderful time in those woods for the 6 weeks we stayed there, but as with all our road destinations there came the time to pack up everything and hit the road again.</p><p>From Altmar, we then traveled to another AirBnB this time in Saratoga Springs, NY. During the 4hr trip, we had our first collective animal bathroom disaster of the entire time thus far on the road. I think I had administered Sapphire and Harlowe some kind of medicine prior to getting on the road, and both of them decided to spew diarrhea in their respective seats in the truck. The truck was all of a sudden suffused with the most horrendous noxious odor and I had to pull off the highway to deal with this situation. I remember crying and calling my boyfriend, I felt like I couldn't take it. Somehow this bathroom event just sent me over the edge. I was beginning to really fray from the stress of packing up everything at each place we stayed at, roughly a tempo of every 2-6 weeks. It's no easy feat, packing up everything you own into an F-150 including two feisty felines, a 75lb pitbull and a 500lb Sportster! I mainly viewed all of the events that happened on our trip as adventures, even the misadventures, however I could not deny that the packing up to go to the next location nearly made me nearly lose my mind each time.</p><p>Once the truck was all cleaned up, air freshener deployed, and my mind refreshed by the pep talk from my boyfriend, we got back on I-90. Sapphire was lounging in the passenger side seat, sprawled out in her cat bed like a queen on a throne being carried through a busy street, Harlowe was seated right up against Ranger in the cab seat, both looking so peaceful to be together and enjoying the road trip. It was such a blissful and perfect scene of all I could ever dream of for family life, that I took a quick video of it while driving. I will cherish that video forever and ever.</p><p>Our new home in Saratoga Springs, was in the in-law apartment of a house right across from the renowned Saratoga Race Track. The apartment was 1/2 of a gorgeous historic house, and my animals and I had the run of an upstairs and downstairs, a dining room, a foyer, a pantry, an outdoor kitchen and grill and the backyard. These accommodations didn't come with an indoor kitchen, but as it was summer-time and I was all about fresh grilled vegetables and meats, I couldn't have been happier preparing my meals on the large gas grill in the backyard. Not once, in the month we stayed in Saratoga did I ever feel feel the need to cook inside and I never ate out. My animals loved being at this house in Saratoga, the cats would run up and down the stairs, and both the kitties and Ranger loved to be outside in the backyard together. Every day when I was at work, I would work out there and they would be sitting on the table or lying on a blanket on the grass, or spread out on the cool flagstone patio by the grill. My animals just loved to be outside with me, the cats didn't try to run off, and Ranger was as happy as he could be, meditating the whole time he was outside when he wasn't snuggling with me. I have such a beautiful photo and video from one of these afternoons - with the cats listening to the birds and natural sounds, and Ranger listening and meditating. My heard is filled with joy and peace just remembering the simple joy and beauty of these days spent together, in each other's presence out in nature.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2E203FDC-6DDD-4298-ADE6-F8E906469975.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Spending time all together outside in our Saratoga AirBnb.</figcaption></img></figure><p>We all would eat dinner together inside at the long dining room table, Ranger and the kitties eating out of their bowls on the floor by the table. It was during these dinner times that I experienced my first twinge of social loneliness on the trip. My host and her children would be in the house kitchen behind the dining room wall and door - I would hear their laughter and muffled banter, and I would sometimes feel this thud in my heart - the sound of my loneliness, which was comprised of my disappearance from society & no one to talk to during mealtimes.</p><p>Outside of these occasional pangs of existential loneliness, I felt very content and alive to be intentionally undomeciled. My boyfriend came up twice to Saratoga while we were there, and we always had such a nice time - exploring the city, the architecture, Skidmore College and taking Ranger to Saratoga Spa Park. I befriended a woman there, an acquaintance of my host - and my new friend made it a point to really show me downtown Saratoga. I am so grateful to her welcoming warmth and hospitality. </p><p>There would be the occasions as I had in all our other locations when I would get on my Sportster and ride, exploring the new area. I found this part of the Adirondack Region very beautiful, and deeply enjoyed my motorcycle rides - what made them especially awesome was coming back to two cats and a dog who couldn't have been more happy and overjoyed to see me walk in the door. </p><p>It was in Saratoga that my boyfriend (also a rider) helped me to fine tune my unloading and uploading technique of the motorcycle on and off the back of my truck. Up till this point, I truly think I must have had the help of my guardian angel in this operation - I would go up and down the ramps into the truck in the most roughshod fashion, and it's amazing to me that I did all of this unaided, alone and in the most foreign places.</p><p>I have this funny photo of Ranger curling his large frame up into Sapphire's bed one evening, it is so funny as he looks so serious with his paws and body spilling over the edge of the bed. He had his own bed, and to this day I don't know why he insisted on getting in Sapphire's bed that particular evening.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E7AF28FE-5EC9-4A0C-BEDE-286F9FB3E753.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger curled up in Sapphire's bed!</figcaption></img></figure><p>There was one night when Miss Harlowe was still outside and had decided to roam further than the backyard, I was getting kind of worried by 11pm when she had not returned. I remember being filled with anxiety when I spoke to my boyfriend, and him saying to me calmly, "She'll be back soon." in his soft-spoken way. I don't remember if it was very early that next morning or sometime in the day of that following day, but sure enough, Miss Harlowe waltzed back into the house through the pantry door with that same insouciant look she had on her face the night she came back to the tent in the rainstorm - <em>"What are you fools doing? Where is my dinner?"</em></p><p>This was not to be the last episode of me experiencing a harrowing moment of what I thought was a forever lost kitty, more of that to come later...</p><p>I loved our time in Saratoga so much, and I was at the same time growing somewhat weary of the demands of all this travel and continual packing and unpacking - that I decided I might want to look for something more permanent in the area. Much to my boyfriend's disappointment, I did not want to return to the city or its environs - I wanted to be with him, but I did not want to go back to the vortex of NYC.</p><p>One afternoon, I rode my motorcycle to the nearby town of Malta, NY - and by accident I stumbled upon a new development of townhouses off of Route 9. I thought to myself to just go into the development and inquire in the office about rentals. I always know when God has a plan for me, because He literally opens doors that are shut. The townhouse had some pretty strict rules about a couple of things - no evictions and no pitbulls. I thought that as I walked out of the office that at least I had tried, I felt disappointed though, as I had loved the townhome we visited. But the leasing manager decided to take a chance on me - my eviction was from years prior as for Ranger, the manager took a look at a picture of him and said <em>"Oh, he looks very sweet - we'll let him in."</em> I am forever grateful for the staff at the housing community, for giving me this chance to create a new home for myself and my animals. We signed the lease on a brand new duplex townhouse, it was incredible - so filled with light, beautiful fixtures, amenities and gorgeous rooms. I wouldn't be able to move in until months from the signing as they were still building and taking care of zoning issues. I was scheduled to move in during the bowels of winter, in early January.</p><p>I wasn't really sure where me and my animals would go to in the meantime, our time in Saratoga was drawing to a close and I literally threw a dart on the map of the Eastern Seaboard to determine where we would go next. Sebago Lake, Maine!</p><p>I secured a tiny house through AirBnB in Sebago Lake, Maine and after a particularly grueling and taxing packing sessions I loaded Ranger and the kitties into their respective places in the truck. I only now had the Sportster to load up into the back of the truck, with my new loading skills I got Bessie (my motorcycle) up pretty elegantly into Chuck's (my truck) bed. And we were off to Maine!</p><p>The ride to Maine was laced with lots of driving through back roads - there was no main artery that would take us to this location in Maine. The backroads were beautiful in the daylight, but when night took over I became disconcerted. It seemed as if we were the only vehicle driving through a very deeply wooded part of the country. I had to call my boyfriend and have him navigate me from afar. I kept getting lost when trying to just use the GPS on my phone on my own. My boyfriend did a wonderful job of both calming me and delivering me to my tiny house in the hamlet of Sebago Lake. </p><p>What a glorious tiny house and location this was! I awoke in the morning to shimmering trees just starting to bronze over in the burgeoning Fall. And the lake was right across the street from us! I quickly understood that Maine feels completely different than anywhere else in the country. It feels like it's been touched by celestial or alien hands, there is something otherworldly about it. I loved the tiny house and animals very much did also! It was a small space, but the animals just seemed so very happy and content in it. The walls were a bright pine, and the kitchen was quaint and had everything I needed. The little office area/kitchen nook had a large window next to it from which I could stare out over the beautiful lake. The kitties would always be nestled on the pillows during the day, usually one on each pillow. And Ranger would either be on the bed proper or on his bed on the floor. They could lay like this for hours, we were all so amazingly happy and content in our tiny house! Before and after work, I would take Ranger to walk along the lake shore. He loved these walks, he would dip in and out of the water and trot along the shore. My most happy moments contain these moments of time shared with my Ranger at this lake. It was always so quiet, nobody there, and Ranger and I would be together, just enjoying nature and each other's company. On the weekends I would sometimes bring a book from the little roadside book library, some coffee & lunch, and Ranger and I would sit on the dock that went out into the lake. It was as close to heavenly as I could imagine.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/486537C8-185C-48E1-A560-C87DD2FC544E.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger out on the dock at Sebago Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/29682D2E-0F7C-4908-82B6-15FEE7F03F96.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger on the beach at Sebago Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><p>In the evenings, I would make tea and all the animals and I would be atop the bed together. My animals were never big snugglers with each other, they all needed a certain amount of space between each other, but they loved to all be together on the bed. I would read in bed with my tea with my happy animal family all around me, we'd all fall off to sleep together.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/BBF563DC-591D-4467-A7D8-68CA6BD8BD4B.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>The animals all on the bed together in our tiny house!</figcaption></img></figure><p>One day, I rode my motorcycle to Portland - it was an invigorating and refreshing ride. Partly through backroads and some on the highway, which I believe had a speed limit of 80mph! I had a lunch at a recommended restaurant, it was Norwegian food, so very delicious! But the best part of the ride was when I arrived back at our tiny house and all the animals came to greet me at the door with toys in their mouths. I will never forget the joy of that - Ranger shaking his toy at me and his tail wagging so happily. They kitties had their cat toys in their mouths and were offering them to me also. Joy beyond all joys! I will never ever forget that beautiful welcoming from my animal family in our tiny house.</p><p>Another one of the most special memories I have is when my boyfriend flew to Maine to spend a few days with us. I picked him up in Portland and drove him back to Sebago Lake. We spent the days in quiet, cozy perfection with each other and the animals. Ranger was so happy to see him, and they spent lots of time cuddled together. We took lots of walks along all different shore sections of Sebago Lake. The lake is incredible, and the different shores all have a different topography to them. We drove to LL Bean in Portland one day with Ranger to buy him a new bed. The bed was a deluxe couch-like bed. My boyfriend and I enjoyed our LL Bean adventure in their flagship store and Ranger was visibly excited when we put the rolled up bed with him in the cab of the truck. Ranger knew we had bought him a new bed and he was so happy - I don't know how I knew that Ranger knew this, but I have never seen him so happy and expressive over a material object I bought ever before. When we unrolled the bed when we got back at the tiny house, Ranger immediately got on it and just looked at both my boyfriend and I with such love in his eyes. This was a very special trip, I will never forget this time we brought Ranger the new bed and our time all together at Sebago Lake, Maine.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/179A6960-9357-454E-9AAF-1BEFE755269B.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger on his new bed from LL Beane in Portland!</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/142F565E-7BD2-4345-A8FB-644F91F4B927.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger enjoying one of the other shores of Sebago Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><p>After 6 weeks at our tiny house, it was time to move on again - and this time we would be driving all the way down to Florida. Florida would be a our last destination before I moved us into our new townhome in Malta, NY. We first drove to NJ and on the way and my boyfriend gave me the news that his father had passed away. We met up with my boyfriend at a hotel in NJ, and it was a very fraught reunion - he was very upset. I departed early in the morning and headed South while my boyfriend continued to absorb the shock of his dad dying. It was one of our harder moments in our long-distance relationship thus far, I felt terrible as I was driving away from him. We drove to Dunn, NC where we spent the night at a truck stop. It was about 40deg that night and Ranger and I spooned together in the cab of the truck under a sleeping bag and blankets and the kitties slept somewhere in the truck. The next morning we drove down to Savanah, GA where I booked us at a pet friendly motel. That night me and the 3 animals slept atop a king size motel bed together. The final leg of our journey brought us to Indian Harbour Beach, Fl where my Mom lives. We would spend the next 3 months in my Mom's house. It would be my dog, 2 cats and her 4 cats all together. There was no adjustment period at all between the animals although they had never met, they just all got along from the get go. Ranger loved sitting by my Mom's pool with me, we spent most of our time together out there - while the cats would go in and out from the pool area to the inside. My most favorite activity with Ranger in Florida where our many trips to Dog Beach (Canova Park Beach). Ranger just loved being at the beach - he loved walking along the ocean's edge, smelling different sea objects as they had washed up onto the shore, exploring through the dune grass, and his favorite activity of all - meditating while lying next to me. Then as I do now, I feel most connected with Ranger when at the beach. This is our happy place, our special place. I would often pick up a coffee at Starbucks early in the morning and come down to Dog Beach with Ranger before work. Early mornings at the beach were so peaceful, and this time with Ranger was sacred. Ranger at the ocean, these are some of my most powerful and peaceful memories. I would also take Ranger on walks through the trails in my Mom's community. I feel as if he's still walking with me when I go on these trails when I visit my Mom now.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/C87925D2-B519-47D4-80DD-181FADD902AB.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger and I at dog beach together in Florida.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/FA53E51E-B11C-48DB-B176-F4DA4C1274DF.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger and I enjoying the outdoors at my Mom's house in Florida.</figcaption></img></figure><p>In the evening, my animals and I would all go on the king size bed together and fall blissfully asleep. If we didn't have a northern townhome awaiting us, I could have imagined that we might have continued to live on in Florida. Finding a home near my Mom's and my animals and I continuing our beach life adventure. I felt heartache for a lot of reasons when we began packing up to start the big trek north to the Adirondacks. My relationship with my Mom had started to heal during this time together, and I had been able to spend good time with my StepFather who was now in an assisted living facility. I felt like I was peeling away from the only real human closeness I had during this entire 9 months on the road, and headed towards a formidably lonely and unknown new start. For the first time, when we all packed up in my truck and headed out of my Mom's driveway I felt homesick and not very excited to go to our final destination. The drive up north was long, with a lot of time for thinking and reflection. </p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/80E2CA10-E6D6-4B9B-981D-96194848052F.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Leaving Florida to head to our new home in upstate NY. My face says it all, we didn't want to go.</figcaption></img></figure><p>We stayed at a truck stop in Virginia one night, it was an exceptionally cold night. As we pull into one of the truck lanes and I'm setting up the truck for all of us to go to sleep when I notice that I don't see Sapphire, my white kitty. I frantically search the entire insides of the truck and she is not there. Horrible images swarm into my mind, of Sapphire somehow being left at a rest stop hundreds of miles back, perhaps even somehow climbing out a back window partially rolled down and being crushed on I-95 somewhere. The amount of horror and shock I felt could not really be adequately described. I got out of the truck, to let the cold air try to cool my feverish mind. I'm standing there in a state of shock when I see some white fur moving beneath the tractor trailer parked in the lane next to us. I couldn't believe it, here was Sapphire, outside walking beneath a truck. I quickly dove under the truck and scooped her up. How did she get out? To this day, I have no idea how Sapphire ended up outside the truck upon us arriving there just a few moments ago. She truly seemed to have proved a Houdini with this, I was relieved and grateful more than any words could say to have her back in my arms. Sapphire is also deaf, so I was so deeply grateful that she hadn't gotten crushed under any of the trucks rolling in and out of the truck stop. I also felt this deep surge of gratitude that our perilous adventure would be giving way soon to life in a solid house, where all my animals would be safe within a solid home.</p><p>The rest of the journey north, I spent in a particular state of deep gratitude for us all being together. When we got about 20 miles away from my new home, I pulled over into the Capital Region welcome rest area and started to feel anxiety. What if Ranger wasn't really welcome when we got there, after they said it was ok for this pitbull to come? What was I doing, moving so far from the only human family I had? Moving so far from my boyfriend? It was strange that I should feel this anxiety as we were about to move into a solid permanent home. I remember making a decision to lean on God in those moments, He had guided and protected us thus far, and I had the faith that he would usher us into our new life together. I took a few deep breaths and got back into the truck and drove the 20 miles to the driveway of our new townhome. The first thing I did was bring the kitties and Ranger inside. The space felt huge, with no furniture, but it also felt welcoming. Over the next few weeks we experienced snowfall, cold weather and blizzards like I'd never experienced before. Ranger absolutely loved leaping like a deer over the snow drifts in the field and woods near our home, he loved burrowing his nose in the fresh snow and snuffling and flinging the flakes into the air with glee. Living in Malta was the most intense experience I've had of the closeness and bonding of my animal family and me. Being there felt like moving to outer space though. It was probably the most alone and isolating 5 years I've ever experienced from a social and human perspective, but the most intimate experience of my animal family and God that I will ever know.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/67E1CE65-1C01-4DC3-88B9-9FD1973D3DE2.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="9 Months on the Road"><figcaption>Ranger in front of our new townhome in Malta, NY just after we arrived. This was our first solid home in 9 months.</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>Afterward: After 5 years in Malta, my boyfriend and I finally moved in together in our RV and relocated in Newton, NJ. Ranger, Harlowe and Stripey made the move with us. Heartbreakingly, Sapphire passed away in the Malta home on November 19, 2019. So 2 of the musketeers made it to the next adventure plus my StepFather's cat Stripey, who I adopted after my StepFather passed away in 2017. I am so deeply grateful and blessed that Ranger was able to come with us in the RV. He lived from July - early September with us in the Newton, NJ campsite before traveling on to his next adventure on the other side.</em></p><p><em>God bless my beautiful animals, their deep companionship and friendship. The relationship I experienced with each of them while on the road together are precious jewels that I will treasure forever. I know that Ranger and Sapphire continue to be with us in spirit, and I know now that home is not a physical place for us, but a state of loving each other from the center of our hearts.</em></p><p><em>This writing is dedicated to my three beautiful musketeers: Ranger, Harlowe & Sapphire.</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Grief Walk & The Spirit Walk]]></title><description><![CDATA[For me, the Grief Walk & the Spirit Walk, have been intertwined walks since Ranger crossed over on September 2, 2020. Below are my experiences with both walks in the time Ranger has passed on... The Long Journey - by Gallery of Thomas: https://img.artpal.com/48638/24-18-1-27-11-45-42m.jpg [https://www.artpal.com/nomadphoto?i=83684-24]Grief Walk I believe the grief walk is a journey of the heart. It is not a mental journey, but a deeply emotional and visceral journey that for me has consisted ]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/the-grief-walk-the-spirit-walk/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6037a7e17f2e46001cfb64f6</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 07 Apr 2021 02:04:52 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/theLongJourney.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/theLongJourney.jpg" alt="The Grief Walk & The Spirit Walk"/><p>For me, the Grief Walk & the Spirit Walk, have been intertwined walks since Ranger crossed over on September 2, 2020. Below are my experiences with both walks in the time Ranger has passed on...</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/theLongJourney.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Grief Walk & The Spirit Walk"><figcaption>The Long Journey - by Gallery of Thomas: <a href="https://www.artpal.com/nomadphoto?i=83684-24">https://img.artpal.com/48638/24-18-1-27-11-45-42m.jpg</a></figcaption></img></figure><p><strong>Grief Walk</strong></p><p>I believe the grief walk is a journey of the heart. It is not a mental journey, but a deeply emotional and visceral journey that for me has consisted of shock, disbelief, existential loneliness, the feeling of an actual heavy weight lying over my shattered heart, despair, disillusionment, disorientation, panic, sobbing, crying from the depths of my being, detachment, existential dread, and periods of lost faith...</p><p>Along this journey, I have discovered that this path is best not walked alone. Finding others who understand your heart and soul, who can walk beside you, is of utmost importance. Through the work with my pet-loss counselor and the group support meetings I attend weekly, I have also come to understand that there is work we can do while we travel through grief that puts us on a trajectory of healing.</p><p>Because grief is a heart's journey, there can be no mentalizing that will restore us to our former selves - we have been initiated on a journey of soul transformation that can only happen via the heart. On this grief journey, I have come to an understanding that part of our journey involves an acceptance of the loss, over and over and in different ways. And this path to acceptance is not a mental construct or some tidily tended pathway towards wellbeing, rather it a tumultuous way strewn with rocks, geysers, waves, and the <em>unexpected</em> unexpected. So many times I have said to myself "I thought I came to terms with this aspect of the grief...", and yet here it is again. At just over 6 month mark after Ranger's crossing over, I found myself confronted with a new type of disbelief that his physical presence was no longer with me. In the early stages of my grief this disbelief was raw, and ripped open my inner being - the return of the disbelief took on a new hue, and it was again, as always is, an unexpected and unwelcome visitor.</p><p>I heard somewhere that experiencing the death of our beloved, is <em>the entering of a whole new realm for us.</em> This is what I feel my grief to be, a whole new realm of life - it is composed of coming to terms with the loss and also the realization that there is much much more to life. Grief asks us to feel it, acknowledge it and flow with it - it will not be denied, even if we resist it, grief does not evaporate. Stuck or unacknowledged grief slinks silently into the back room of our hearts and waits to come out at the next opportunity it has to express itself - through our next loss. I think a lot of us go through life with compound layers of grief in our hearts - as our society is not one to allow us to fully inhabit grief, walk with it and heal - rather it tells us that <em>"it is time to move on"</em>, or says that <em>"you're strong and we will get through this"</em>. Rare are the friends or family members who will just be present for your feelings, especially if the loss involves the loss of our four-legged babies. We live in a world that 'disenfranchizes pet grief', as my pet-loss counselor, Sandra Grossman says.</p><p>In order to walk this grief walk authentically, and to grieve well, I believe we need to be surrounded by people who have the same hearts as us and those who can be present for us, and those who can guide us - being beside us, a bit or a lot further along this walk than we are. Below are a listing of the grief walk resources I found and find immensely helpful to me on this walk. As my regular therapist says, <em>"grief is not a neat orderly thing, but it is a progression"</em>. Early on she introduced me to the dual-process model of grief (which I included in the resources below). My pet-loss counselor says <em>"part of this journey is feeling the loss, and the other part is doing the work".</em> She also says that <em>"time does nothing (for our broken hearts), it is the courage to make space for our grief, for ourselves and to do the work, that leads us to healing."</em></p><p>When I first found myself in this new realm, after the initial shock, I did not know if I wanted to go on with this life without my beloved Ranger. The dismissal, lack of acknowledgement, and minimization of my overwhelming pain and heartache by society, friends and family members compounded my immense heartache, and led me to a place of feeling deeply alone in my grief, and near suicidal. The reading of certain books, the help of my therapist and the finding of a very special pet-loss group and counselor saved my life - and gave me new life. In time I came to understand that not everyone processes the grief the same way - I came to understand that there are people who push their grief away to be dealt with another day, and there are those who care deeply about you but just don't know the best way to support you through your season of loss. We live in a grief-adverse society as a whole, there is a continuous thrust in the outer world towards positivity, silver linings and 'being strong' - these are the currents that can often be the most hurtful in our time of deep heartache, when we require empathy and presence from others - the offerings of cliched sayings, trite peppy quotes, lack of acknowledgement of our feelings, or people telling us 'to move on' can do an awful lot of damage to our broken hearts. There are those people and resources out there that will help us, sometimes we have to do a little searching and seeking out of them.</p><p><em>Dual-process model of grief</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/dual-process.png" class="kg-image" alt="The Grief Walk & The Spirit Walk"><figcaption>Dual-process model of grief</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>Pet-loss bereavement counseling and support.</em></p><p>I personally found the group bereavement sessions offered by PetLoss Partners, <a href="https://petlosspartners.com/">https://petlosspartners.com/</a>, founded by Dr. Sandra Grossman, incredible helpful. I do the group session and the private counseling with Dr. Grossman. I tried other pet-loss groups when I first lost Ranger, but I have found that there is nothing like the work that Dr. Grossman does.</p><p>The right pet-loss bereavement group is immensely helpful on the grief walk, you will find people with whom your broken heart will find comfort with. The group will give you the space to express your deepest feelings in a safe environment, and allow and encourage you to take those baby steps (the work) that lead to the healing of your heart.</p><p><em>Therapy</em></p><p>I found working with my regular therapist of tremendous assistance. She not only helped me with the anticipatory grief I experience during the 6 months of Ranger's illness, she helped me navigate many of the aspects of grief after his crossing over. She is a therapist who specializes in grief work, and since grief is so multifaceted she was instrumental in processing all the other layers of grief I experienced with this loss (the grief I felt around mothering, the loss I was feeling of the role of pet parent, and all the human losses that were tied into the loss of Ranger). </p><p><em>Books</em></p><p>There are a lot of books on the grief process, so this list of books here are just the ones that impacted me greatly. I highly recommend them if you feel they would be helpful to you on your walk:</p><ul><li>Bearing the Unbearable, by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore. This is an amazing book, it is very deep, and I found that I found deep understanding and solace in the writing of Dr. Cacciatore.</li><li>Grief Walk, by Gary Roe. This is book of daily meditations, with quotes from Bible Scripture. As a Christian, I find these mediations give me solace, and hope.</li></ul><p><em>Memorialization and Honoring</em></p><p>It was through my work with Pet-Loss Partners that I found out about the concept of memorialization. I find memorialization of Ranger through creative projects and tributes to be nothing less than transformational in my grief walk. Here are some of the memorialization steps I took and am still actively engaged in:</p><ul><li>Writing to Ranger, and writing about our experiences together - both in my journal and in this blog!</li><li>Talking to Ranger. I talk with Ranger on our morning spirit morning walk, throughout the day, and in bed at night.</li><li>Creating a ceremony and blessing once receiving his ashes. His cremains went into a beautiful Tree of Life rosewood box and were placed under the cab seat in my truck. I took a small amount of his ashes and put them in a Tree of Life silver locket around my neck. My boyfriend and I said prayers for him, and honored out time together by talking about all the beautiful adventures we shared together with Ranger.</li><li>Going to the beach, as often as I can. Ranger loved the beach.</li><li>Creating Ranger's spirit gardens.</li><li>Asking artist friends to paint and draw portraits of Ranger. I find the ongoing practice of this so helpful, as one of the pains for me was seeing in my iPhone the day my photo albums suddenly stopped being full of pictures of my Ranger. Having artwork done and taking pictures of this artwork, keeps images of Ranger presently in my phone album!</li><li>Taking the trip to Norfolk, VA to honor Ranger and my Grandmother. This trip was so ceremonial and beautiful, and it was part of that 'full circle' journey - just so replete with continuing to honor both of them with love, knowing that they are still with in spirit while coming to another layer of the 'acceptance of the loss'.</li></ul><p><strong>Spirit Walk</strong></p><p>My pet-loss counselor, likes to repeat a saying that she heard somewhere that <em>"Death doesn't end the relationship, it just changes it." </em>In my walk, I have found such comfort and resonance in this sentiment, over and over again. I have been blessed with many messages of love from Ranger from the other side. The spirit walk started while he was sick and I continued to receive immediate messages of him comforting and being with me from the other side once he crossed over. Not everyone experiences these afterlife messages and visitations, although I believe that everyone can if they are open to them. It has also been my experience that it is more difficult to receive these messages and visitations when one is deep within the early grief experience. The energy level of fresh grief is very different than the energy level of spirit - so they are with you always, but you just may not be able to feel it when you are experiencing the depth of your grief. This is not written so that you will push your grief or way or dismiss it, as we must authentically experience and process our grief in order to heal, it's just written so that you will know that if you are not experiencing signs or messages from the other side - that your beloved may send messages to others around you, who are able to receive the signs, or it may take some time to receive the signs yourself. Some of these people who can receive the signs and messages of your beloved can be friends, family and or pet communicators or mediums. During the times you surface from the deep depths of your grief, you may receive these messages or signs, as your spirit and soul begins to come into awareness of the energy of the dimension of spirit. This is what the experience was like for me. In the early stages of my grief, Ranger's spirit revealed itself to my boyfriend first. My boyfriend was grief-stricken but he wasn't as disabled and heart crushed as me. He is also very in touch with Ranger (he's able to communicate directly with animals), and the spirit world in general (he also is a medium - even though he doesn't really want to embrace this gift.) Over time, I started to have more direct experiences of Ranger's spirit.</p><p>My experience of the spirit world, is that it is asking us to be in a position of openness, receptivity and patience. A spirit doesn't have a body, so the type of responsiveness we had from our beloved fur baby to our gestures of love when they were alive, changes - responses from the spirit world are not immediate, nor on command. We miss so much their kisses and licks and hugs when we tell them we love them. When they are in the spirit world, we express our love to them verbally, in writing or with gestures and acts. Most of the time immediately after our love messages, there is silence and emptiness. But stay open, because they look for ways to return our love message - it can come through signs in the natural world, or through another pet or animal, or through beings that come into our experience (seemingly out of the blue). I had lots of and still have experiences with the natural world, including insects, butterflies and dragonflies. Sometimes my two cats will display behavior or postures that are pure Ranger - it is so obvious that for that moment Ranger has spoken to them or is coming through them. I believe that other animals in our family often act as 'channels' for our pets that are on the other side. Just recently, I have started to walk a dog who looks very much like Ranger and although she is completely different in character than him, I feel like he is communicating through her sometimes. I have experience clairsentience (feeling) and clairalience (smelling) with Ranger, and my boyfriend has experienced clairalience (smelling), clairvoyence (seeing), and clairaudience (hearing) sensations of Ranger. I have never 'seen' Ranger out of the corner of my eye, or heard him, but I have a very strong connection to his spirit through feeling, knowing and smell.</p><p>I will make no bones about the hardship of the fact that we miss hard their physical presence. The coming to acceptance (over and over again) of the loss of their physical presence in our lives is part of the Grief Walk, the coming to acceptance that they are still with us in spirit and communicate with us from that place is part of the Spirit Walk. </p><p>It has been and still is my experience that messages and visitations from my sweet Ranger seem to come in little clusters. There are these spaces of time when I don't feel his present at all, and receive absolutely no messages. An example of this recently is prior to our trip to Norfolk, VA to honor Ranger and my Grandmother. Two week prior to the trip and up until the day of the trip, my boyfriend and I were receiving lots of signs from Ranger. During the trip, we didn't feel his presence at all and there were no signs from him. We talked about this, and through my discussion with my boyfriend, my pet-loss counselor and my therapist I came to the realization that there are times that the spirits stand back, they know we need to live through these experiences that will help us come to the acceptance of the reality of the loss. </p><p>My boyfriend has recently come up with a concept about spirit communication, that I really relate to - he calls it Spirit Wifi. Sometimes the spirit connection is at 1 bar and sometimes at 4. The times the connection is at 1 bar are difficult times for me, during those times I try to lean more heavily on my faith. I wish I could feel Ranger all the time, just like I did when he was alive - but I take it that this is just not the way the spirit world works.</p><p>Some of the ways that I find myself most open to Ranger's messages:</p><ul><li>During meditation</li><li>In the early morning (2am-5am), dream visitations or sensations of his presence</li><li>At the full moon (this is an incredibly potent time for me to receive visitations from Ranger, I find that at each full moon I have very clear and direct experiences of his spirit)</li><li>Walking in nature</li><li>Communicating with my other animals and the animals who come and visit me</li><li>Being receptive to and open to messages of 'play' and 'fun'</li><li>Learning to trust my intuition and inner senses</li></ul><p>My walk these days often look like the counterpoint of sadness of missing Ranger and our life together, and then feeling a gush of playful energy come through me. All along this spirit walk, I have received the message from Ranger that he is playing and he wants me to play too! Currently I'm exploring this playful energy by walking (and running, laughing and jumping!) with my neighbor's pitbull, Cinnamon, creating Ranger's spirit garden and joining in on play activities with my two cats, and exploring activities that give me a sense of pleasure. Pleasure and play do not come naturally to me, so Ranger's message of play is something that challenges me and takes me outside of my comfort zone.</p><p>Early on, some video resources by the pet communicator and psychic, Danielle MacKinnon, I found to be extremely helpful and confirmatory of my spirit walk journey. I highly recommend watching her videos on YouTube. For me, all of her videos confirmed that which I already knew or experienced with Ranger's spirit since he crossed over. I found the validation, deeply helpful. I look forward to continuing to doing deeper work with Danielle MacKinnon and her pet communication programs. When you do start to have experiences from the spirit world, it is another huge paradigm shift - and much like the grief walk, you will need those around you who are able to understand this world and validate your experiences, as well as serving as guides. Here are some of the resources I found most helpful:</p><p><em>Pet communication</em></p><ul><li>Danielle MacKinnon</li></ul><p><em>Books</em></p><ul><li>Never Letting Go - Mark Anthony</li><li>Some Dogs Are Angels - Mark Stamford</li><li>The Amazing Afterlife of Animals - Karen Anderson</li><li>Signs from Pets in the Afterlife - Lyn Ragan</li><li>Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates - Gary Kurz (This is a wonderful book for Christians - complete with scripture)</li></ul><p><em>Nature</em></p><p>I have found being in nature deeply healing and part of my spirit walk. I take a regular morning spirit walk through nature with Ranger's spirit, and try to get out and be in nature as much as possible. I personally believe that nature is one of the portals for the spirit world, and that animals in nature, the wind, the sun and all the elements of nature can heal us, speak to us and <em>open us to joy and renewal.</em></p><p><em>Spirit gardens</em></p><p>I can't say enough about the beauty of creating a spirit garden for our beloved animals. Creating a beautiful garden with momentos from our pet's earthly life interwoven with elements from the spirit world is an amazing way to both honor their lives and pay respect to their ongoing spiritual presence.</p><p><em>Prayer & Meditation</em></p><p>My faith in God and Jesus has been an inextricable part of both Grief and Spirit walks. I know in my heart that I will come face to face with my beautiful and beloved Ranger again one day. I pray often to God about my broken heart, and ask to find refuge under His feathers. I pray for Ranger everyday.</p><p>Meditation is a daily practice for me in the mornings. I believe that meditation allows us to open to the realm of the spirit, as well as inviting calmness and a sense of balance into our lives.</p><p><em>Reiki & Yoga</em></p><p>I took up both these practices after Ranger crossed. I don't think I would have ever bothered to explore Reiki before, but Ranger being in the spirit world has opened me to wanting to develop my intuitive energy and insight gifts further. I received a Reiki I and II level training, and am mainly doing Reiki self healing and Reiki on the dogs who come and visit me. Yoga is a practice now that I integrate daily, with a 15 minute flow, as well as weekly Zoom class. This daily flow reminds my body that life is a flow with integration of the breath, and it instills in me that courage, ease, self awareness, strength and body awareness are all things I seek to practice in every area of my daily life, and especially important while flowing through the grief process.</p><p><em>Update (April 5, 2021): I am now at just over 7 months after Ranger's passing. I find myself coming into a deeper awareness of the contrast between the fulfillment I had when he was in my life physically, and the lack of that fulfillment now. I experience joy and happiness in my day, but that fulfillment I received from wholly embodying being Ranger's mama is distinctly absent, and I feel that distinction now more than ever. I am also coming into an awareness of just how much I have always associated being home, with being with Ranger. Being in his physical presence was always my sense of home, now that he has passed on I am experiencing both the loss of home as I knew it and the reorganization of what home really is for me. Home, I am coming to realize, is not a physical location, home is the love I have in my heart for those I love. I can honestly say, living at this time in my RV, that home is with my animal and human family I love - those both here and those on the other side. </em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Spirit Garden]]></title><description><![CDATA[I have this feeling that all my animals who have passed over, are in a garden on the other side. There have been glimpses of my animals in spirit in these gardens over the years in visions, and when I'm out walking in nature I'll often become aware of certain elements in nature that seem to be otherworldly in nature, while at the same time, being of this world. What are these otherworldly elements of nature I perceive? Sometimes it's a certain tree, or a section of the woods, most definitely mo]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/the-garden/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6036e2422ddacf001c6c7a68</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 07 Apr 2021 01:45:57 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2ECF354C-C9B9-4236-A099-A06BC7B3448D.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2ECF354C-C9B9-4236-A099-A06BC7B3448D.jpg" alt="Spirit Garden"/><p>I have this feeling that all my animals who have passed over, are in a garden on the other side. There have been glimpses of my animals in spirit in these gardens over the years in visions, and when I'm out walking in nature I'll often become aware of certain elements in nature that seem to be <em>otherworldly</em> in nature, while at the same time, being of this world.</p><p>What are these <em>otherworldly</em> elements of nature I perceive? Sometimes it's a certain tree, or a section of the woods, most definitely moss, the sound of certain birds, and of course butterflies, and dragonflies...</p><p><em>I perceive that the natural world is an intermediary between the spirit and physical dimensions.</em></p><p>In the many visitations I have had from Ranger - I have often seen him lying on moss in a garden. In one visitation, he was running around in a fantastic garden flanked by the most magical looking mountains...and many times I perceived him playing with other animals, in a garden.</p><p><em>My sweet Cherie, who passed away when she was 19, over a decade ago - the night she passed she came to me in a vision curled up by a beautiful waterfall in a lovely garden. I knew from this vision that she was totally in peace and blissfully happy.</em></p><p>A new friend of mine who is also a florist told me one day that she made spirit gardens for animals who have passed on. I thought this was such a wonderful idea, and my friend offered to make one for Ranger. She said to put together a few things of his that I would like to be part of the spirit garden. In the process of putting together these items for Ranger, I actually embarked on the creation of his spirit garden myself. It turned out to be such a creative process for me, and for my boyfriend, who also got involved.</p><p>Ranger's spirit garden is so special to me because it contains elements that he loved from his earthly life, symbols of the afterlife he sent me, trips we took together and visions I had after he crossed. This spirit garden is both the remembrance of our time shared in the physical world but it is also the creative manifestation of my experience of him in the afterlife, it has great meaning to me.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/DB99A595-1B51-45DE-8233-241673E7FE0F.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Spirit Garden"><figcaption>Ranger's spirit garden</figcaption></img></figure><p>Ranger's indoor spirit garden has the following in it:</p><ul><li><em>Moss:</em> Moss is so magical to me in this physical world, and I have seen Ranger lying on it over there.</li><li><em>Driftwood and feathers from Virginia Beach:</em> One of the most special times with Ranger was when we went to Norfolk to celebrate my Grandmother's 100th birthday, and while we were down there we all spent time at the beach. My boyfriend and I picked up this driftwood from the beach when we went back to Virginia Beach one year later to celebrate my Ranger and my Grandmother, and crafted it into a driftwood sculpture.</li><li><em>Shells:</em> There are shells from Dog Beach (Canova Park Beach) in Florida, Ranger's favorite beach. And there are shells from the Jersey Shore - we go to the Jersey Shore beach often to honor Ranger.</li><li><em>A stick from the campground we are in at the Jersey Shore:</em> I throw sticks for Ranger on our spirit walk each morning, in honor of Ranger loving everything to do with a stick.</li><li><em>A pine cone:</em> I felt that Ranger guided us to this campground that is full of pine trees. The pine cone is a tribute to my time here together with his spirit.</li><li><em>Blue butterfly:</em> A week before Ranger crossed over, a butterfly just like the one in his spirit garden visited us and stayed with us for about 10 minutes - it just kept landing in front of Ranger and I over and over again</li><li><em>Orange dragonfly:</em> This is a tribute to my orange dragonfly who stayed with me for 45 minutes after Ranger crossed over</li><li><em>Aqua aura quartz:</em> In a vision I had a couple of months after Ranger crossed over, I saw this most beautiful blue quartz. I searched the Internet high and low for exactly what I saw in my vision, but I could not find it. One day while browsing on Etsy, the exact quartz I had seen appeared as a product suggestion.</li><li><em>The carcass of one of our RV stinkbugs:</em> After months of living with us throughout the cold of Winter, one of our stinkbugs passed away. We have both felt these stinkbugs are part of the insect communication from Ranger, and we honored this by putting the carcass of the stinkbug in one of the shells.</li></ul><p>I started with the idea of this one spirit garden, but I also started another spirit garden outside - and my boyfriend is also at the start of creating another spirit garden of his own.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/AAD909F3-F7E0-4202-B863-A8EFC12EB2A8.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Spirit Garden"><figcaption>Ranger's outside spinach and moss garden, ever evolving!</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/B7C26715-A42B-44EC-AE2D-7567BC1618B5.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Spirit Garden"><figcaption>A wood engraving for Ranger recently done by my boyfriend for Ranger's garden in our current campsite. June 2021</figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Story of the Golden Orb]]></title><description><![CDATA[Throughout the six-month journey of Ranger’s illness I felt the spirit of my Dad come through a lot. My Dad has visited me and helped me so often since the 12 years ago that he passed on. I feel him to be the the guiding force behind ‘lucky’ opportunities that have happened in my professional career, and I feel him guiding me with my stock market adventures - my Dad himself was an engineer, a business man and a serious stock market aficionado. During Ranger's illness I would take walks around o]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/were-never-alone-when-we-cross-over-the-story-of-the-golden-globe/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60248ac5ecd99b001cbbbadf</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 25 Feb 2021 00:00:42 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/37403109-B7A7-49DD-A27F-36A44FD03E95.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/37403109-B7A7-49DD-A27F-36A44FD03E95.jpg" alt="The Story of the Golden Orb"/><p>Throughout the six-month journey of Ranger’s illness I felt the spirit of my Dad come through a lot. My Dad has visited me and helped me so often since the 12 years ago that he passed on. I feel him to be the the guiding force behind ‘lucky’ opportunities that have happened in my professional career, and I feel him guiding me with my stock market adventures - my Dad himself was an engineer, a business man and a serious stock market aficionado.</p><p>During Ranger's illness I would take walks around our reservoir pond in Malta, NY by myself, and I would just feel my Father’s presence come strongly through. My Dad seemed to be an ongoing presence in this end of life journey I had with Ranger - he came through more frequently and strongly than at any other time in my life. It was the strength of my Father's visitations during this 6 months that I realized that this is real, <em>that my Dad has really been there for me all along, helping me from the afterlife.</em></p><p>At times, during my walk with Ranger during these 6 months, I felt like my Dad was also popping in to help Ranger know that he would be there for Ranger when he was ready to cross over.</p><p>3 years ago, I had the experience of being at my StepDad’s bedside in the ICU and in hospice in the final days of his life on this side. During that time, I would often feel my StepDad’s mother come into the room, and sometimes my Father as well. Sometimes in the room, the lights would flicker repeatedly during these last few days. Once when one of my Stepsisters and I were in the room talking with a nurse, the lights started flickering insistently through our whole conversation - about 10 minutes into our discussion the nurse stopped talking and said to us “You’re noticing that right?” - she was referring to the lights.</p><p>The night before my StepDad crossed over - I was alone with him in his hospice room. I was on a recliner chair next to his bed, under a blanket - somewhere between consciousness and sleep, when I saw the vision of a Golden Retriever appear before me. I found out later from talking with my Stepsister, that Brandy, was the Golden Retriever their family had when the girls were young, well before we came into their lives. Brandy came for for my StepDad that final night of his life, to help him cross over.</p><p>It was about a month and half after Ranger crossed over that I was taking a walk on one of our neighborhood paths that Ranger and I would walk on, and I saw suddenly and very clearly a vision of Ranger going to get my Grandmother to help her cross over. When she saw him, she was delighted and exclaimed <em>“He’s so beautiful!”</em>. It was 3 hours later that I got the message from my Aunt that my Grandmother had just passed away in Norfolk, VA. I feel in my heart that Ranger’s loving presence was with her when she made that final step to life beyond life. My Grandmother since turning 100 earlier that year had been making a slow transition to the other side. She wasn’t sick, and she didn’t die of anything but old age, but it was clear that she was having conversations with people on the other side in the 4 months before she finally crossed. I had the sense in the last week of her life, that she seemed to be having trouble letting go - I sent her two dozen orange roses that week so she knew that I was praying for her and sending her all my love. It was a few days later that she passed on, and that experience has left me with the sense that perhaps people in transition just need to know they are really loved so they can let go.</p><p>What is so extraordinary about my vision about Ranger helping my Grandmother cross, is that she never liked dogs and didn’t want to be anywhere near Ranger in life. We brought Ranger to help celebrate my Grandmother's 100th birthday in Virginia, but we knew he wouldn’t be welcome in the celebration hall nor did she want to receive a birthday greeting from him in private back at my Aunt’s house. So Ranger had to celebrate her birthday from a distance, from the cab of my truck. Prior to my Grandmother’s big surprise birthday celebration, whenever I visited her in Lititz, PA where she lived, Ranger was not welcome to come. It was always a great heartache for me when she was alive that the love of my life, my beloved puppy, was not welcomed by my Grandmother who I also love deeply.</p><p>Dogs have a tremendous ability to feel love for others even when they are not wanted or welcome, they sense that we humans are limited - and not always able to give or receive unconditional love in our human form. In the end, Ranger knew that my Grandmother would welcome him and open her heart to him. I often sense that Ranger is spending much time with my Grandmother, my Father and the rest of the Rose clan on the other side.</p><p>After Ranger crossed over, one night I came out of a dream state into that twilight state of consciousness in the early morning. During that state I had a vision that when we’re getting ready to pass over, <em>a golden orb</em> appears and moves slowly towards the lower back portion of our heads - that space between the neck and the lower skull. It moves slowly until it docks with this section of our heads. Within the orb are the beings who have come to greet us and help us cross over, from the other side. The orb stays attached to our heads during the whole dying transition period.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/08674177-299F-47DB-B1BE-49008C2D8CC8.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Story of the Golden Orb"><figcaption>Beautiful golden orb digital artwork from: <a href="https://fineartamerica.com/featured/golden-ball-decorative-digital-art-matthias-hauser.html">https://fineartamerica.com/featured/golden-ball-decorative-digital-art-matthias-hauser.html</a></figcaption></img></figure><p>I told my boyfriend about this rather curious vision the next day. His first comment was to say, “that’s probably why you see the paintings of Jesus, the angels and the saints with golden halos around their heads...”</p><p>Could these halos depicted in artwork throughout the centuries, actually be the edges of the docked gold orb I saw in my vision?</p><p><em>I feel we are never alone when we cross from this life to the next. On this side, there are people who will walk with us right up to the portal, and there are those on the other side who journey to us in the golden orb to greet us at the entrance to the other side.</em></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Miracle Walk]]></title><description><![CDATA[It was 4 months after Ranger received his diagnosis of a brain tumor. All seemed to be moving in a positive direction for Ranger - his grand mal seizures were fairly under control with the Levetericetam anti-convulstant, and the homemade diet and Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs he was on all seemed to be helping him in a largely positive way. It was 6am in the morning at the end of June. I was about to take Ranger outside for his morning walk when he had a sudden grand mal seizure. A few min]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/the-miracle-walk/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60248b3becd99b001cbbbae5</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 23 Feb 2021 14:31:02 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0D4A4A7D-629B-4615-BAEA-EF69DB71A01A.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0D4A4A7D-629B-4615-BAEA-EF69DB71A01A.jpg" alt="Miracle Walk"/><p>It was 4 months after Ranger received his diagnosis of a brain tumor. All seemed to be moving in a positive direction for Ranger - his grand mal seizures were fairly under control with the Levetericetam anti-convulstant, and the homemade diet and Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs he was on all seemed to be helping him in a largely positive way.</p><p>It was 6am in the morning at the end of June. I was about to take Ranger outside for his morning walk when he had a sudden grand mal seizure. A few minutes after he had his first seizure he had another one. This had happened once before in the 4 months since his initial spate of cluster seizures. I wasn't terribly worried, as I administered the extra dose of Levetiracetem as was instructed on the bottle. This extra dose had stopped an onset of seizures before. But this morning, things were different - he then had his third grand mal seizure a few minutes after the extra dosage of the anticonvulsant. I knew I had to get Ranger to the hospital, ASAP. In the truck on the way over to the hospital, Ranger had 2 more grand mal seizures. As we pulled into the parking lot and I was about to call the reception inside again, Ranger stopped seizuring and he was looking calm and alert in the cab of the truck. I took a few breaths and debated whether we should go inside or wait, I decided to wait with him in the truck for just a few minutes more. I kept looking back at him and he was looking at me, he looked oddly himself. I didn't see any of the normal post-seizure behavior in him. It was like he just snapped out of the whole thing. We sat in that parking lot for another hour - with me just observing him. He had no more seizures, or so I thought at the time, during this duration. I made the decision to pull out of the parking lot and head to Saratoga Lake. He seemed calm, and it seemed like the storm was over, and I was thinking it would be nice for us to sit by the lake and connect with nature. I had read as much as I could in these 4 months about something called status epilepticus (SE), or continual grand mal seizures, and it seemed to me that he had come out of a period of status epilepticus all on his own.</p><p>We drove the 30 minutes from Latham back to Saratoga and to the lake. Ranger walked on the grass the short distance from our truck to the blanket I had put down for both of us. It was peaceful and quiet at the lake, and I was so grateful that he had stopped siezuring and that we could enjoy the presence of each other's company. During the time we were sitting there, I started to notice that Ranger seemed to be getting more and more still and some kind of dullness seemed to be settling over him. His grand mal seizures had stopped, so I thought that perhaps he was tired from the whole episode - I was worried about him but the absence of the grand mal seizures gave me a false sense of security.</p><p>I had to carry him back to the truck, as he didn't want to, or couldn't walk back. We got home and I called my boyfriend who was at work 3hrs away from us. I asked him to please come home early, I was worried about Ranger. Through the day as we waited, Ranger became more and more still - he didn't want to eat or drink and his eyes started to look more and more glazed over. I really did not know what to do. He wasn't visibly seizuring, and I had called the doctor so many times in the last 4 months with questions about different behavior he was showing, and been told that this is part of the disease - I guess I was in a place of 'wait and see', and inwardly praying that Ranger would come out of whatever thing he was in.</p><p>When you're in a war zone, sometimes it's difficult to understand the severity of the current battle you're in - you're in a state of constant anxiety, dread, confusion and not knowing what is the appropriate action to take at any given moment in the war...</p><p>In retrospect, I should never have pulled out of that hospital parking lot. But in my head, I thought the SE has stopped, and now he seems fine'. I couldn't explain his lessening consciousness through the rest of the day. Later on I would come to learn through his doctors, that in SE that often seizures continue on that are not grand mal seizures - and these seizures are not visible. This is what was happening to Ranger on this day - even though his grand mals had stopped, a more insidious form of silent seizuring was continuing to wreak havoc on his whole being hour after hour. By the time my boyfriend arrived at the house, early evening - Ranger was virtually comotose. He was looking out at us through vacant and glassy eyes, and breathing, but there was not much else. </p><p>I can't remember clearly the sequence of events after the approach of evening and the near death state our dog was now in. There were calls to the doctor, lots of praying, and no sleep that night for either myself or my boyfriend. We were holding vigil over Ranger, and praying with all our hearts that the next morning would bring relief, that Ranger would 'snap' out of this. The dawn of the next day was just a continuation of the long night. We went to the hospital, and Ranger was given an IV drip of a cocktail of drugs. Our neurologist told us that Ranger had gone blind in the right eye. Ranger had to be gurneyed in and out of that hospital visit. He was lifeless in the backseat of the truck on our silent ride home. I'm thinking to myself, this is it, the beginning of a most certain end.</p><p>I really can't detail out the pilgrimage of the next 7 days. I could read through the journal I kept for him to try to recapture more detail - but I still find that a painful thought, to read his health journal. I think it will fill me with the terror I felt in all those moments that I wrote descriptions of all the things that were occurring. One day I will read his journal, but I can't do it yet.</p><p><strong>Ranger did not eat, drink, poop or pee for 7 days.</strong></p><p>During those 7 days, we listened to the gentle and clear words of Dr. Baker. Dr. Baker told us that we were walking a fine line between hope and letting go. She helped me put together an end of life plan for Ranger - she also gave me the number of in-home euthanasia doctors. She told me that there could be hope too, that Ranger might survive this. Dr. Baker's words were so clear and yet so deeply empathic and compassionate. I will never forget her service to us during that period of no-mans land in Ranger's journey. Dr. Baker was not one of Ranger's regular doctors, in fact I never had any interaction with her before or after that 1 week in Ranger's life. I called the euthanasia doctors, there was only 1 still available. I wanted to talk with this doctor about Ranger's symptoms and schedule something a few days out - I didn't want my baby to suffer, but I also wanted to hold on to that sliver of hope. But this doctor really upset me, as he tried to have me put Ranger down within the hour and told me that my boyfriend could Facetime as we did the procedure. I can't say if my tears and sobbing, or my anger was stronger after that horrible call. The doctor also said some other words to me that I won't put here, that were very callous and unwarranted. I have been assured by other doctors that this doctor feels his service to be a calling, but my experience of him awoke me to a sense that there is a 'business of pet euthanasia'. Whether he truly was filling up his ledger for his business needs or listening to the directives of an inner calling, I will never know - but I will carry the sting of that experience in my heart forever. <em>Ranger did not get put down that week.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/3F5471DE-E94F-4272-BE6F-7CEC5D136273.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>Holding my Ranger. I was sure this was going to be the end for him.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/6AC6B82D-37AF-465C-84E2-86EC23259C6B.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>My boyfriend with our very sick Ranger.</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>The first miracle.</em></p><p>On the 7th day of Ranger's comatose state, I had just tried again in vain to administer some water and baby food to him. Both of which he totally ignored. I was beyond despair, I couldn't understand how he was still living. 30 minutes after that moment was the start of the miracle journey. 30 minutes later was how I knew conclusively that my boyfriend was a true animal communicator. My boyfriend had been 'reading' Ranger throughout this whole journey, and often telling me what Ranger needed, with 100% accuracy. My boyfriend, in that late afternoon of day 7 commanded in a clear voice, <em>"Ranger is hungry, give him some food."</em> My reaction to him was 'are you crazy, I just tried to give him water and baby food and he rejected it!' My boyfriend gave the command again. I went to the fridge, and instead of pulling out the baby food I took out some bison meat. I sat down beside Ranger and he gobbled up nearly a pound of bison meat. He then drank an entire bowl full of water. I had offered him bison meat many times during the 7 days and his reaction to it was the same as the baby food - <em>no</em>.</p><p>I cannot explain what happened. Somehow my boyfriend knew he was ready to eat and take in drink. Months later, my boyfriend would tell me that he heard Ranger clearly say to him <em>"I'm hungry."</em> I cannot explain how Ranger went from comatose to gobbling bison and slurping water, and shortly after peeing for the first time in 7 days. The pee was a thick brown sludge, the likes of which I had never in my life seen excreted before. As Ranger drank more water over the ensuing days the pee eventually returned to a watery yellowish shade.</p><p>When we would finally get in for our first visit with the holistic veterinarian, Dr. Kris, of Ancient Arts Veterinary in Saratoga Springs, NY, she looked at us strangely as we told her what had happened. She said she had never heard of a dog surviving 7 days without excreting urine or feces. She said the toxic build up would be too much to survive. She then looked at Ranger quizzically and asked out loud <em>"What is he doing?"</em></p><p>Ranger was not out of the woods yet. After his first acupuncture session with Dr. Kris he perked up a bit but then seemed to slip back into some kind of state - it wasn't anything like the previous comatose state, but he wasn't comfortable. On our second visit, Dr. Kris talked to us and said she really didn't think Ranger was going to make it. During his second acupuncture session, he went into a deeply sedated state with his eyes open. I remember documenting that moment. He was facing across from a Buddha statue on the floor, the two of them just staring at each other. For all Ranger's life, I have affectionately called him Buddha - I couldn't escape the symbolism of that moment, <em>it was the Buddha looking at the Buddha.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/22E3B24F-C4C0-452D-98E0-73C63B2231AF.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>The Buddha looking at the Buddha, in Dr. Kris' office.</figcaption></img></figure><p>A few days after this visit, after his acupuncture and the new Chinese herbs - Ranger started to improve. I had also demanded that the hospital do a thorough thyroid panel on Ranger - which the doctor vigorously contested as not necessary. Ranger's results returned conclusively that he was experiencing hypothyroidism. He was started on Levothyroxine, and the pustulant skin and hair loss condition he had suffered with for years that grew to its apex during this time of illness, immediately started to heal. This was the start of an unbelievable journey of hope that neither my boyfriend or I could ever have imagined.</p><p>A this point, Ranger was still paralyzed. Unable to consciously move his limbs - he was eating, drinking and breathing, but unable to move at all. I was scouring the Internet looking for answers. I could find nothing, except for a few articles on something called Todd's Paresis. Todd's Paresis is a phenomenon that some human seizure patients experience, a short period of total paralysis following their grand mal seizure episode. By short, the period is 2 days max. I looked further and came upon a pdf documenting the story of a young man who was paralyzed for 4 weeks after his seizures. When I read that story, I knew that this was what Ranger was going through. I just knew it inside, I knew after reading this that there could be hope that he could overcome this state of paralysis. I didn't know if he could fully recover, but I knew that hope was there.</p><p>On the weekend of July 4, I put Ranger in the back of the truck cab and we went to spend the holiday weekend with my boyfriend in New Jersey. Ranger had to be carried everywhere, it was so very very hard emotionally, but at the same time my boyfriend and I were so incredibly grateful that Ranger had improved and he seemed happy to still be with us.</p><p><em>The second miracle.</em></p><p>The morning of July 5, my boyfriend told me he had a dream the night before that Ranger walked again. In his dream, Ranger was fully walking and he was in the woods. My boyfriend told me that he didn't feel this was a dream, he told me that he felt it to be a vision. When one here's something like this, it's nearly impossible to digest. You're literally hearing about something that seemed a complete impossibility.</p><p>Over the next 4 weeks, Ranger gained his mobility back little by little. In the middle of August he was <strong>fully walking on his own</strong>, peeing and pooping on his own, and all of this was happening in the campground woods, where we now lived. Just as my boyfriend's dream had foretold. I have one of Ranger's walks on video, it's just amazing, and I am so proud of him. Nothing will ever rob us of this victory moment. Not even the sudden events of status epilepticus completely overcoming Ranger a few weeks later, and finally taking him to God. Even as I write this, I can't fully comprehend what all of this meant. I feel it's the power of God working through all of us, Ranger fully walking again was a miracle of proportions in so many ways that I could never have believed had I not witnessed it unfolding before me. I think sometimes it's hard for me to hold the miracle, because it didn't ultimately lead to a complete miraculous healing for Ranger, and delivery from death. A few weeks after his miracle walk, Ranger succumbed to an overwhelming experience of status epilepticus. I wish in my heart more than anything that Ranger's miracle would have restored his full health, but that was not to be. I am so grateful that he was victorious against such overwhelming odds, and that we had the opportunity of more beautiful moments and experiences together.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/438A8227-09BB-488D-8B95-05A3AC092915.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>Back on his feet, at the campground in NJ (still taken from video).</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/96203D24-989F-4081-A206-13DEBA3CD784.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>Peeing on his own at the campground in NJ (still taken from video).</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/A3769F5B-C7B2-41A6-BB99-3F17FC0E7119.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Miracle Walk"><figcaption>Walking on his own at the campground in NJ (still taken from video).</figcaption></img></figure><p><em>Miracles are real. They may not always take us to the final destination that we envision, but there is a force of divine beauty working through us, and sometime when we have given up hope there is more to come.</em></p><p>Ranger will always live on in my heart as a <em>true champion</em>.</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Poop Scent from the Afterlife]]></title><description><![CDATA[A spirit is without a body, and they have to find a way to communicate from the other side to people on this side they love. Sometimes spirits do this by flickering lights on and off, or appearing out of the corner of one's eye, or moving objects around, or by causing certain scents to waft into one's nose... One of the ways that Ranger has communicated with both my boyfriend and I is through the smell of his poop. A week after Ranger crossed over, my partner texted me while he was at work that]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/on-smelling-poop/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6024776f93c792001c5fe887</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 11 Feb 2021 00:43:37 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5F537C07-D7F4-4083-82FE-AD234A7787C6.png" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5F537C07-D7F4-4083-82FE-AD234A7787C6.png" alt="Poop Scent from the Afterlife"/><p>A spirit is without a body, and they have to find a way to communicate from the other side to people on this side they love. Sometimes spirits do this by flickering lights on and off, or appearing out of the corner of one's eye, or moving objects around, or by causing certain scents to waft into one's nose...</p><p>One of the ways that Ranger has communicated with both my boyfriend and I is through the smell of his poop. A week after Ranger crossed over, my partner texted me while he was at work that he just smelled Ranger's poop. I thought he was joking with me, and of course I got mad, because I really didn't think it was funny of him to make a joke at a time like this. But my partner was insistent that he just smelled Ranger's poop, and when I saw him and he told me all about it, one thing I knew for sure was that he was not making a joke. I thought he was crazy though.</p><p>I was sort of acquainted with the senses of clairvoyance and clairsentience before Ranger passed, but I did not know about clairalience - or the ability to receive smells that spirits were sending to us. And I certainly never heard about smelling a spirit's poop...</p><p>Ranger must have known that I would brush my boyfriend's clairalient experience off, so he also sent the same poop fragrance to me a week later. I was sitting outside our RV, at our campsite picnic bench - meditating. My mind was completely clear, as clear as the sky above, when I received the most overwhelming waft of Ranger's poop - it was a freshly laid poop right under my nose. I cannot even describe the feeling of 'WTF' I had in that moment. And then the waft came again, strong, fresh, and unmistakably from Ranger's rear end. I shot up from the table and smelled ever bit of my being, I scoured under the table for a poop laid by another dog, I searched the entire campsite area - nothing. I sat back down at the table and received 12 more wafts of Ranger's poop right under my nose...</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/799CC6E7-EB2C-4A60-ACBF-EF099DB2C259.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Poop Scent from the Afterlife"><figcaption>I took a video journal right after I smelled Ranger's poops while meditating at our campsite table. In this still from the video, I am vigorously smelling parts of myself as I still believed I might have stepped in poop or somehow gotten poop on my clothing. The scent was so strong.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Now, I know if you've never experienced this, you're going to think I'm as crazy as I thought my boyfriend was a week before. I searched the Internet for stories of clairalience (I didn't know what it was called when I started my search), and really didn't come across that much information - save for an interesting article by a man who would repeatedly smell his Father's farts in the house after his Father had passed on.</p><p>In the nearly 6 months after Ranger's crossing, I have never smelled his poop again, but my partner has. Last week, he went outside our RV in the snowstorm to smoke a cigarette, and came bursting through the door in a matter of minutes, exclaiming in his quiet voice that he had smelled Ranger's poop again. He had searched the snowy premises, and there was nary a poop on the ground from any animal.</p><p>I may not have had the experience again (yet) of smelling Ranger's poop - but this clairalience thing is definitely a thing for me. A little over a month after my sweet Ranger crossed, my Grandmother and my step-sister also passed from this life to the next. In addition to seeing red cardinals fly straight at me after their deaths, I started to smell things. I was walking around our campsite lake, alone, deep in nature and I received a penetrating waft of cigarette smoke. There was nobody around, nobody secretly lurking in the woods, the cigarette smoke waft literally materialized out of thin air. Neither my Grandmother or step-sister smoked, and I can't tell you why I received this odor.</p><p>In my RV bedroom I have been woken up by the very strong scent of bleach, repeatedly. It woke me up 3 times and when I would come to complete consciousness, there would be no smell of bleach. It was not a dream of a smell of bleach - it was the actual smell of bleach and it was strong that it woke me up 3 times. One time, I was in that twilight state in our bedroom and I smelled a heavy dose of a man's cologne - it was definitely a man's cologne but it had a very sweet note to it. I have no clue what these scents were about, but I do know that there is some form of communication going on here via smell from the spirit world.</p><p>And just recently, my boyfriend, has smelled Ranger's body scent inside our RV...</p><p>Why would Ranger choose his poop smell initially to communicate with us? My partner and I talked a lot about this. We think it's because poop was a central theme to the last 6 months of Ranger's life - and we intimately knew what his poop smelled like because of this. He was often not able to get up and stand up to take a poop, so he would go poop on his wee wee pad on his bed. Cleaning Ranger's poop was a regular ritual that would really define the day, for 6 months. He knows we know what his poop smells like. Another reason I think he chooses poop, is that he fought so hard to be able to poop standing up - I could see the victory on his face when he was able to do it after weeks of paralysis. Taking a poop normal doggy style meant everything to him. I think he sends us the poop smell, to let us know that he's healthy and that all is ok over there on that side, and that he's still walking with us.</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[End of Life Walk]]></title><description><![CDATA[My writing here is meant to offer up my experience, and to start a conversation about an area that we rarely approach or deeply discuss around pets. In the 6 months that I provided end of life care for Ranger, I don't think once I thought about it as such - I was focused on finding solutions for him, keeping him as comfortable and out of as much pain as possible and letting him know that I loved him with every part of my being. Upon reflection, there is no formula for end of life care for pets o]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/end-of-life-care/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__601fe2dc10f087001c2345b7</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 07 Feb 2021 17:18:38 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/D3F70AB2-EB9B-44CC-94FA-2C69206E314C.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/D3F70AB2-EB9B-44CC-94FA-2C69206E314C.jpg" alt="End of Life Walk"/><p>My writing here is meant to offer up my experience, and to start a conversation about an area that we rarely approach or deeply discuss around pets. In the 6 months that I provided end of life care for Ranger, I don't think once I thought about it as such - I was focused on finding solutions for him, keeping him as comfortable and out of as much pain as possible and letting him know that I loved him with every part of my being. Upon reflection, there is no formula for end of life care for pets or humans, each situation is uniquely different - but I do believe that we can think about this subject more deeply and thoughtfully, and by asking questions we can create better, more positive and loving end of life scenarios for our beloved pets.</p><p>Long before Ranger ever started on his journey to cross from this life to the next life, I have been acutely and painfully involved in and aware of end of life care with humans. For some reason, in a number of situations I have also been one of the last people with a beloved family member or friend to walk with them up to their last breath. These experiences have been profound for me, on so many levels - deeply emotional, deeply spiritual and deeply troubling all at the same time. I'm not going to delve deeply into human end of life care except to say that we can't have a full conversation about end of life care for pets without including end of life care for humans. In my experience, I have witnessed some of the humans I love in my life receive something called 'palliative sedation' to help them on their final walk. Prior to Ranger's journey, I had been deeply troubled by witnessing palliative sedation applied to the humans I know at the end of their lives. I saw them slip away, usually from a place of consciousness that included alertness, connection, fear, anxiety and sometimes denial into a place of unconsciousness, unresponsiveness and later what I would come to feel was peace. An elixir of drugs, which could consist of Lorazepam, Propofol, Levomepromazine, and/or Morphine would be administered that would allow them to make this transition before their final breath. Elements of this cocktail are also known to slow respiration, and lower conscious activity - and it inevitable leads one to the question, is medical palliative care a form of helping a being make that final step towards letting go? There is lots written on this subject - and it has been argued that some palliative sedation is a form of terminal sedation - but you will see that doctor's steer clear of making any association between terminal sedation and euthanasia. </p><p>Before I write further, I'd like to recommend the reading of a very special book, entitled, <em>'The Last Walk'</em>, by the animal bioethicist, Dr. Jessica Pierce. It is a profound book both from a point of view of the author taking the end of life journey herself with her own dog Ody, and from an ethical point of view of deeply exploring the themes of euthanasia, hospice for animals and end of life care. I would also recommend reading this book when your pet is healthy, or at a time once they have passed that you can read the book from a place of emotional grounding. It's heavy stuff, all these ponderings and explorations of what it means for an animal to have a good death, to be cared for during end of life, what animal hospice could look like and how as a society we evolve in caring for and stewarding our beloved pets, especially when they are sick and taking that final walk to the ends of their lives.</p><p>Dr. Pierce's book offers a deep and thorough exploration of the practice of euthanasia, which literally translates into 'good death'. She doesn't offer solutions or judgement, only helps us to question and examine our attitudes and usages of it. She points out the difference between the use of euthanasia applied on many shelter pets, as opposed to euthanasia carried out with a terminally ill pet where all other rehabilitative and/or palliative efforts have been exhausted and helping them cross is the biggest act of love we can give to our beloved animals. In this illustration, the shelter pet was not given a 'good death', but the beloved suffering pet was. I recommend reading Dr. Pierce's book for an exploration of what hospice can look like for an animal, an exploration of quality of life during the dying spectrum, and also for an excellent suggestion regarding advanced care directives for animals. Dr. Pierce writes this about animal hospice:</p><p><em>“Hospice can do many things: it can help expand and fill in that space between diagnosis and euthanasia; it can challenge the dominant narrative of euthanasia by presenting other possibilities for a good death; it can improve quality of life in a dying animal; it can suggest how to prolong life, without simply prolonging the dying process (although this is, admittedly, a crude distinction); it can make the dying process less painful, less protracted, less lonely, and more dignified; it can get people thinking creatively about end-of-life care for ill and aged animals; it can help people deal forthrightly with their grief and denial over the impending death of a companion, so that decisions about treatment can be based on the needs of the animal, not our own needs. Above all, hospice offers us a gentler way down into the Valley of Death, a slow path down that we can travel hand-in-paw with our animal rather than shoving them brusquely off a precipice. In its best iterations, hospice offers us the possibility of a good death, a fulfillment of the sixth freedom, for our animal companions.”</em></p><p>I read The Last Walk a couple of months after Ranger crossed over, and came away from reading it, with a desire that our pet-owner communities discuss more what it means to care for our animals in their final journey, what hospice can look like for our animals and to bring more congruency between how we treat human end of life and how we treat end of life for our pets. Personally, I need to find reconciliation between the fact that as a society we don't euthanize our terminally-ill and suffering human child, but we euthanize our terminally-ill and suffering fur baby. I believe that while it is a taboo topic to talk of euthanasia for humans, that sometimes we let human suffering go on too long and even in some cases, protract it, while we often end the lives of our animal companions too soon...</p><p>In the end, I had to help Ranger cross, with euthanasia. By the time I arrived at this moment, I was in peace. But my journey beforehand was searching and very difficult, and I struggled with the whole matter of euthanasia and the thought of letting my beloved and best friend go. I needed help with this journey, and I received it. As I mentioned in the beginning of this writing, I was focused on solutions, comfort and love during his 6 month journey - I would have done anything to bring him back to full health and to never have to make the decision to help him with the final letting go process.<br/></p><p>I want to write about my experiences during reflectively what I would call hospice and palliative care for Ranger. There are lots of things, I feel I didn't 'get right' - and if I were called to do it again, I would do some things differently. One, is I would have created an advance care directive, so that it would have been easier to follow a set of guidelines I had laid out before the depth of emotion of the situation would overtake me. Second, I would realize how utterly consuming being a caretaker to a sick being is, and I would take the steps to make sure I had the right support and community to help me in the journey. Thirdly, I would have incorporated more of Traditional Chinese Medicine when Ranger was visibly healthy. As Dr. Dennis Thomas, the author of Whole Pet Healing, puts it - disease is a spectrum that starts well before we can visibly tell anything is wrong with the animal or human, in Western medicine we see illness as the start of the disease but it has actually started as an imbalance well before the visible signs of the illness set in. Lastly, I would have focused more on Ranger's pain management earlier on, and been less worried about the consequences of pain management on his future state. I write these things in retrospect not to judge myself, but to take stock of what I learned, to file these learnings away and maybe to help someone else with their journey.</p><p><br>Ranger was diagnosed with a differential diagnosis of a brain tumor. A differential diagnosis is once that is made by a qualified doctor, in this case Ranger's neurologist doctor, using the data they have from their examination and lab tests to determine from a spectrum of possibilities what the most likely illness(s) is/are. Ranger's differential diagnosis was never confirmed by the MRI that would have delivered a conclusive diagnosis. Because of Ranger's age, and proven sensitivity to many different drugs and his propensity towards constant seizuring - I weighed that putting him under general anesthesia was too great a risk. I was afraid that the process of getting the conclusive diagnosis could likely end in his death.</br></p><p><br>Ranger's neurologist examined him in early March after a 3-day period of cluster seizuring, and told me that he had a front left-lobe brain tumor and that he would live most likely another 2-3 months at most. It was a horrendous moment in my life hearing this. How does one even take this in? Just two weeks ago he was trotting down a beautiful beach with us in Norfolk, VA - his normal, inquisitive and joyous puppy-like self...</br></p><p>I embarked upon a journey of reading everything I could about his diagnosis and the symptoms he was experiencing. I opened up my research to everything in Western and Eastern medicine. My searching took me to reading the book, <em>Whole Pet Healing</em>, by Dr. Dennis Thomas. It was a seminole moment in my life as Ranger's Mama, reading Dr. Thomas' book. I sought out Dr. Thomas and commenced having sessions with him on Ranger's holistic care remotely from his office in the state of Washington (we lived in northern NY). I will write an entire separate blog on my experiences with Eastern Medicine and the spiritual awakening that resulted with my work with our two TCM doctors, Dr. Thomas and Dr. Kris. What I would like to say here though, is that in addition to Ranger's holistic medical care that he received from both of them, that both of these doctors were fundamental to guiding both myself and Ranger emotionally and spiritually on his end of life walk. I cannot express the magnitude of thanks and gratitude I have for both of them, without them I would not have not known how to put one foot in front of the other, or how to best support Ranger, or how to make difficult ongoing decisions from a place of grounding, and love. What I learned from both of them is that the end of life journey is full of profound spiritual awakenings for both the participant and the people that are around them, and full of gray areas to navigate. If we stay open to walk through the very difficult emotions and events unfolding before us, we have the opportunity to walk with our beloved, and with God right beside us. We are able to have an experience of love so profound that it changes our very being and purpose on this Earth. I learned from both of them that love is receptive but it is also an action word, that death is the greatest freedom we will ever experience, that grief takes many many forms and is something to be honored and accepted, I learned how to walk with Ranger through all the terrifying moments - and most importantly how to make every decision I made and every act come from a place of love...</p><p><br>Ranger's hospice journey was replete with miracles, so in some ways it was not always viewed by me as a hospice journey, I always held out that that maybe he would make it and come back to health, on account of his extraordinary rallies. Retrospectively, I can see how this was never the path. What is palliative care for an animal? I'm not sure I can answer this definitely. I do know for Ranger that it was composed of many things. One thing I feel I can say surely, is that palliative care is not just medicine that reduces physical pain for a being. I would say that palliative care involves both Western and Eastern medical approaches, that it involves a lot of love, that it is about touch, it is about just being present for our beloved, it is about prayer and openness to guidance, it is about a loving, individual and wholistic ongoing assessment of quality of life, it is about the calming and connective aspects of being in nature, it is about moments of hope and victory, it is about receiving support from our families, friends and communities, it is about awakenings, and it is about always trying to come from a place of love.</br></p><p>Initially in Ranger’s journey, I was cautious about the application of all the recommended Western drugs. And during his journey, I questioned his neurologist a lot on the drugs that were given as his protocol, he had so many very difficult reactions to some of them and from the point of being Ranger’s advocate I wasn’t going to fall compliantly into the paradigm of ‘doctor knows best’, especially when I could see that some of them were affecting him terribly or making things worse. The journey of arriving at the right anti-seizure medication was horrific - we arrived at using a certain dosage of Levetiracetem, and later after his status epilepticus episode would combine that with a small amount of Phenobarbitol again.</p><p><br>The application of the anti-convulsant(s) gave Ranger a large reprieve from the occurrence of grand mal seizures. The anticonvulsants were essential in Ranger’s palliative care, and therefore Western medicine played its important part. It was also initially recommended that he start on a course of steroids, but I didn’t apply these until much later on. I was concerned about the effects on Ranger’s liver - due to past routine bloodwork and Ranger’s great drug sensitivity I had reason to be concerned about Ranger’s liver health. Perhaps in retrospect, I would have started the steroids earlier, who knows...</br></p><p><br>Although Ranger was given a differential diagnosis in early March of a front-left lobe brain tumor, there were indications during his journey that something else was going on with his spleen & liver, and a huge marker that he was dealing with a form of hypothyroidism. Ranger’s euthanasia doctor thought that he was sick euthyroid, but my examination of the numbers from a series of bloodwork, a comprehensive thyroid test and the total efficacy of the application of Levothyroxine had me thinking that true hypothyroidism was a component of Ranger’s disease. Ranger, the day before he crossed over, had a sonogram which revealed a huge mass on his spleen.</br></p><p><br>I believe that a great part of palliative care, is being able to get early and accurate diagnoses. I believe that for animals, as well as humans, that we may not need as much end of life care if doctors and vets are willing to look at all the data when initially diagnosing an animal or human. Not just data that falls under their scope of knowledge or from lab results, but also the data given from the human caretakers and from areas of medicine that may be beyond their scope of specialty. A few years before my experience with Ranger, my Uncle had been misdiagnosed with MS - and died only a few short months later from undiagnosed pancreatic cancer. My experience in the human and pet realm is that some Western medical doctors suffer the most from this myopic diagnostic and care approach, many of them are not open to data that comes from the caretaker narrative or Eastern medicine data.</br></p><p><br>Unfortunately during my journey with Ranger, it was not possible to wholly share with his Western doctors all the things that were happening with him or our TCM doctors or the data that was coming from my direct experience with Ranger. This was a great heartache to me. I expressed this heaviness to Dr. Kris one acupuncture visit, and her insight was helpful to me - to recognize what the Western doctor’s could help with, use that, and give up my desire to bring them into the whole of Ranger’s health journey.</br></p><p>Ranger received Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs from his holistic doctors, and acupuncture from Dr. Kris. The herbs and acupuncture I credit to Ranger living well beyond his diagnosis, giving him beautiful quality of life, giving rise to miracles and allowing him to live and die with victory, peace & dignity. They were an essential part of Ranger’s end of life care, and I really cannot imagine how a purely Western medical approach could really give an animal or human the full spectrum of palliative care warranted during the end of life walk. Early in my work with Dr. Thomas remotely, he deeply encouraged me to also find a nearby holistic doctor for Ranger who came from a completely Eastern medicine mindset. Ranger had received acupuncture for 3 years from his Western-Integrative vet for his arthritis, and it really made a big difference for him. I knew the effectiveness of acupuncture from my experience with Ranger's primary care veterinarian, so I was interested to seek out a nearby holistic doctor to also help Ranger. Dr. Thomas explained that a holistic veterinarian would employ the Eastern mindset model of working with imbalances and the system. Dr. Thomas has over 40 years of experience as a vet, and he started out practicing solely in the area of Western medicine, and had made the transition to becoming a holistic vet - unfortunately he was on the other coast from us so we could not go see him.</p><p><br>After extensively looking at vets in the area, I found Dr. Kris Dallas of Ancient Arts Veterinary in Saratoga Springs, NY. She is a holistic TCM and acupuncture doctor. Dr. Kris, as she is known to her clients, had a profound effect on the arc of Ranger’s journey and my story. When we were finally able to get into see Dr. Kris, Ranger was at the point of death. I talk about Ranger’s miracle in Miracle Walk, so won’t go into detail here.</br></p><p>Ranger’s hospice & palliative care also was a lot about food. I hand fed Ranger 3 times a day for six months. I fed him a diet put together by Dr. Thomas. Not only was the food nourishing and nutritionally complete, the act of feeding Ranger by hand was part of our care process. I felt the deep bond and utter love in this act of care-taking each time it happened. Ranger would lovingly look me in the eyes as he took the first portion of food out of my hand. I could feel his soft warm muzzle, and the moist velvet of his tongue as he caressed my palm while taking his food. These feedings were rituals, they were silent acts of love and devotion. At times this aspect of the care-taking was difficult - the preparation of his food was time consuming, I had to juggle the demands of feeding myself and other family members as well as working late nights (during the COVID-19 pandemic no less). But I will always hold on to what I feel were some of the most loving and holy times between Ranger and I during his mealtimes. Due to Ranger’s seizure condition and transient blindness, he was not always able to successfully eat out of his bowl on his own and this is how the hand feeding ritual was birthed.</p><p>Ranger’s palliative care involved acupuncture given by Dr. Kris and also acupressure with essential oils given by me as directed by Dr. Thomas. When Ranger received acupuncture from Dr. Kris, he just loved it. He would become very very peaceful, and seemed to rejuvenate almost immediately under the application of the needles and after the touch of her hands on him. I have several videos of Ranger after his acupuncture sessions out on the grass lawn outside her office - he’s deeply happy and content, and almost like his former self. Ranger’s acupuncture with Dr. Kris was a deep component of his ‘healing’ process, as well as the key to a miracle event in his journey. Healing, I feel, in the end of life process is not always about making a physical recovery and evading death - healing is about journeying to wholeness and completion along the journey. Both Ranger and I received deep deep healing along this journey. The healing came from God, the acupuncture, from nature, from my partner and also from the deep expertise and love both Dr. Thomas and Dr. Kris administered to both of us during our time with them.</p><p><br>Healing, which I believe is the true underpinning of palliation, also came from the time I spent in nature with Ranger during these last 6 months. The lake was always a favorite destination of Ranger’s when he was healthy, so I always made it a point to go there - whether he could walk from the truck to the lake, or I had to carry him. I always noticed a profound shift in Ranger while at the lake, he might have had anxiety in his day prior to, but when he arrived at the lake I could see nature calm his mind, body and spirit. It was truly amazing to watch this shift many times over, and I came to realize that being at the lake, attempting to take a walk (and very often taking the walk) and spending time on the grass outside our home was as important to his journey as the anticonvulsants, the TCM herbs, the prayer, the acupuncture, the food and all the other elements of this journey together.</br></p><p>Early on in Ranger’s illness I became aware that I was ‘picking things up’ from him. I would lay may hands on him to do some prayer work, and start to receive colors and feelings about areas in his body where he wasn’t feeling good. Ranger’s illness was the start of me discovering and recovering my latent intuitive abilities. Throughout Ranger’s illness I prayed to God, and would ask for his healing in His name for Ranger. I had a special prayer that I found on a website written by a women who detailed the healing of her dog through the power of Christ. One does not usually look at a time of deep illness as being the vehicle of spiritual awakenings, but in retrospect if we are kind enough to ourselves and willing to follow the arc of this journey through sickness and beyond death, we can see where this whole process is one of deep soul awakening. The intuitive abilities I started to become aware of when Ranger was sick, become more pronounced after he crossed over and I continued to study Reiki, meditation and animal communication after his crossing. I would not have gone on that path were it not for Ranger. I believe that Ranger was helping me develop these abilities and that he is continuing to do so. His illness and death gave me access to many great gifts. One has to be patient though to see the gifts, and willing to walk the path of grief and a broken heart to receive them.</p><p>Hospice care also means as a caretaker that you need a good deal of support around you. Care-taking for a deeply ill person and/or animal is profoundly exhausting - it will take you to the end of your rope and beyond. Having the right support, both on a practical level and emotionally is just so essential for caretakers. This fact is why I believe that end of life care for animals is not more common, caretakers for pets are deeply disenfranchised in our society, as is the grief that pet owners can feel in advance and after their beloved pet dies. Finding support so that you can continue to give with love to your pet, as well as continuing to take care of your family, work, and take care of yourself is a monumental enterprise. Finding emotional support, people that understand this journey you are on and support you while on it, is also terribly challenging. Well-meaning friends and family members will tell you "to just put your pet down", or they will tell you in another way by asking "when are you putting your pet down?". The language of supporting a pet owner who chooses a different path than immediate euthanasia is just not there. I found I had to temporarily disconnect from most people that I care about during this period, but stay open to those who got it and could support us. These people were my boyfriend, Dr. Thomas, Dr. Kris and Dr. Baker. I also received support on a spiritual level from my deceased Dad - he was there for us during the whole process, and I know that Ranger is near him now.</p><p>People that truly support the caretaker during this journey are not there to tell you what to do, or what you want to hear. They are people who can walk all or part of this journey by your side, offering presence, insight and the right questions to ask yourself. They are gentle people, who have often walked a path of grief themselves, they are not only the medical experts with soul, but deeply compassionate people. I will just offer some examples of this compassionate guidance I received. My boyfriend was always ‘present’ for Ranger and I, he never judged or told us what to do - he listened deeply, he heard Ranger as well as myself, and he walked with us through the entire landscape - all the mountain tops and all the low places. Dr. Thomas, if there’s one thing he really gave to me, was the guidance to do all that I did for Ranger from a place of love. He told me this would be challenging, and that I would reach a place where the ego wanted to take over. He guided us spiritually through a time when Ranger almost died from asphyxiation, he gave me the permission to think about euthanasia from a place of love, he let me know that part of my journey with Ranger was also celebrating the great freedom that death would one day bring us all. Dr. Thomas was focused on helping Ranger from a medical point of view, but he was also instrumental for me from a spiritual point of view and in being able to embrace ‘letting go’. Dr. Kris had several deep conversations with me about all the emotions I was going through and about Ranger making the final transition. She explained to me how the grief felt by a woman without children for her pet, could be different than that of a person who had children...she talked about the heartache of anticipatory grief I was experiencing daily. Most profoundly she offered me this - that a natural death for a pet is not always possible, especially because modern medicine has made it possible for us to take up the mantle of God and extend life for people and animals, that therefore our human involvement through the entire length of the process is sometimes requisite, right through to the decision of how our beloved dies. She also let me know that certain diseases like brain tumors often required a more active decision in helping the animal pass to peace, than some other diseases which could better support a natural death. After Ranger passed over, she further offered her guidance and support by sharing with me a path of personal deep grief she had to traverse once in her life.</p><p>I had time with Ranger, good time with him, special time with him - where he was comfortable and we fully enjoyed each other’s company and were at peace, because of the blessings of our end of life walk and those who supported us. I will never forget his Miracle Walk, I will never forget the blessed week we spent just the two of us up in Malta where he was walking, having fun and virtually normal and pain free, I will never forget that he got to make the journey with us to our new RV home and spend time with us there at our new campsite life, I will never forget all the extra canoe trips and lake visits we got to make, I will never forget all the massages, acupressure rituals and baths I gave him - the time I got to express my love with my hands, I will never forget all the love we got to share because we had this time together. These 6 months of his end of life walk were a form of God’s grace.</p><p><br>The end of life walk when caring for your pet is not for the feint of heart. You will be exhausted, you will face things that make you deeply scared, you will face the unknown and you will also receive many deep blessings. You will understand love in its most sacred form. And you will understand what an honor and blessing it is to care for someone you love with all your heart, and you will learn to let go...</br></p><p><br><em>I believe that hospice and palliative care in its most authentic and loving form, is healing. Healing for the one who will pass over, and healing for those who walk in presence beside them.</em></br></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Beaches & Lakes]]></title><description><![CDATA[Many of my most favorite memories of companionship shared with Ranger have happened at a lake or beach somewhere. Because we traveled so much in our time together, we have had the joy of water together all along the Eastern Seaboard. One does not associate beach and sandy shores with the island of Manhattan, but we lived in Washington Heights when Ranger first came to me - and up in those parts we have what would be considered a grand beach on the island of Manhattan. This beach is located unde]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/beaches-lakes/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__601da21d419232001c381570</guid><category><![CDATA[beach]]></category><category><![CDATA[lake]]></category><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 05 Feb 2021 20:18:58 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/660FF7BD-B111-41C3-BB26-E36AE669D0A5.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/660FF7BD-B111-41C3-BB26-E36AE669D0A5.jpg" alt="Beaches & Lakes"/><p>Many of my most favorite memories of companionship shared with Ranger have happened at a lake or beach somewhere. Because we traveled so much in our time together, we have had the joy of water together all along the Eastern Seaboard.</p><p>One does not associate beach and sandy shores with the island of Manhattan, but we lived in Washington Heights when Ranger first came to me - and up in those parts we have what would be considered a grand beach on the island of Manhattan. This beach is located under and south of the George Washington Bridge. It's a patch of sand maybe half the size of a tennis court, and Ranger and I would often go down there. Ranger had an ambiguous relationship with the water. He really loved the water and always wanted to do anything that had to do with water, lakes and ocean and baths and showers - but in all the years that Ranger was alive, he never swam and resisted learning how to swim. So to that end, while he loved water, he was also fearful of water...</p><p>When we lived in WaHi, Ranger would always wade out into the Hudson River, stand up to where the water was about shoulder high and he would just cast his gaze out to the horizon, standing there, and just looking. Sometimes he would look at another dog who was actually swimming in the Hudson River and just stare at the dog zipping around usually in pursuit of a stick or a ball. Ranger also used to love to pad at the water as it lapped onto the shore, using his feet to try to catch the incoming waves - he seemed to take great delight in this activity. When Ranger would tire of being in the water, he would chase sticks or balls that I threw for him on the sandy shores. Sometimes I would take Ranger out on Long Island and try to find a beach that he could run on - I would do this in the Winter, but let me tell you finding a beach that allows a dog in any season on Long Island is more elusive than finding sunken treasure.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/2AAD1B3E-7040-4536-B90A-711A858B6F95.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger in the Hudson River at our Manhattan beach!</figcaption></img></figure><p>When we left the isle of Manhattan we moved due West, across the Hudson to Jersey City. There wasn't much water activity for Ranger during our 3 years there, except when we'd go on hikes to parks in the area or further north in the state or New York.</p><p>We left Jersey in late summer of 2016 - our destination was: road life. For the next 9 months we lived in truck stops, campsites, the truck, airBnBs, cabins, carriage houses, tiny houses and my Mom's home. I was working the whole time, remotely. During this peripatetic period, Ranger and I enjoyed water and shores in Sebago Lake, ME, the Lake Ontario shore while staying in Altmar, NY, creeks galore when we stayed in Saratoga Springs, NY, and most memorable of all were all the days spent at what I affectionately coined, 'Dog Beach' near my Mom's place in Indian Harbour Beach FL. Ranger loved Dog Beach so much, we would go there nearly every day for the 3 months we stayed in Florida. It was our meditation spot, our fun spot, and later it would be a place where Ranger gave me great soothing when my StepFather was passing away. Dog Beach is a holy place in my mind, and heart.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/7B5CF275-643F-4B1E-8CC4-89B022B30D33.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger on the shores of Sebago Lake, ME - the opposite shore of where we lived in our tiny house.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/1E4EB334-45E7-4350-8B3F-5428FD4B5B83.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and I at the beach near our tiny house in Sebago Lake, ME</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/257F34EB-F82D-4C55-9CF1-B88E6816145D.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and I on one of our many visits to 'Dog Beach' in Florida.</figcaption></img></figure><p>We gave up peripatetic living to anchor down near Saratoga Springs, NY in a place named Malta - it would be our home for nearly 5 years. During our time in the Adirondack Region, Ranger and I lived canoe and lake life, completely. I bought a 45lb 17ft aluminum canoe, which was lovingly named, <em>the Ranger Glide</em> - and Ranger and I spent every good weekend in that canoe on lakes all through the region. Ranger loved being out on that canoe. Some of the best times were when Ranger, my boyfriend and I were all on the canoe together. Sometimes we would fish, or eat lunch out on the water, or we'd go exploring some foreign lake shore or mid-lake island, or even try to traverse narrow & shallow water ways from Round Lake all the way to the Hudson River! Being on the canoe with our Ranger was about as close to a state of total bliss as a human could get. When we weren't on the canoe, Ranger and I would go to Saratoga Spa Park and walk around the park, he most loved being near the water's edge at the stream that runs through the park. That stream has a very special quality to it, and Ranger would often enjoy walking across the stream and examining different specimens in the stream's water ecosystem. Ranger and I journeyed to the Adirondack High Peaks several times, we were limited in the hikes we could do because of Ranger's arthritis, but he loved being deep in nature and he enjoyed the many streams we came across in the Adirondack Mountains. Near our home, we had a white pine forest preserve, named Luther Forest. It hosted about 100 acres of light trails, and there was a creek in that forest that Ranger always loved to walk in. He had the biggest look of delight on his face whenever he would get into that creek. After he crossed over to the other side, I visited the paths in Luther Forest and went to his favorite creek spot - I was laced with a feeling of great joy, peace and also an immeasurable and indescribable grief because I was walking these trails we so enjoyed without him.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/F045853A-8D47-40A5-8259-A4000D172D6E.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Sitting by the stream in Saratoga Spa Park.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/3AB20273-B836-4F88-8F23-989ED94B5924.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger truly loved canoe life.</figcaption></img></figure><p>While we lived in northern NY, my boyfriend lived in Queens, NY - so there would always be lots of trips south. Ranger would always perk up in the cab of the truck from his slumber during the trip down just when we went over the Throgs Neck Bridge - he would take in whiffs of the sea air coming through the truck windows with whole-bodied enthusiasm. During those trips, my boyfriend and I would often take Ranger to a beach in Oyster Bay. We would take him there offseason, and be on the look out for any police. These were magical times, the visitations at the Oyster Bay Stelhi Beach. Ranger loved The Long Island Sound, it was more gentle than the ocean, and he could go further out in it and not get knocked over by a wave. One time we visited, and Ranger because of his arthritis was no longer a running dog, but he was so lifted up by the sea breeze and so excited to be with my boyfriend again, that he actually ran a short distance to him down the beach - and Ranger had not run in years. I will never forget that moment, he was an old dog at this point, but in those few moments Ranger returned to the exuberance of his youth...</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/9142A46F-9DD5-4D19-B1D5-DE195C0EB334.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and my boyfriend at Stelhi Beach, LI, together.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Not all moments at the water were pure bliss though, Ranger was annoyed at me a few times because I tried to get him to swim. One time was out in a beach somewhere far East on Long Island. My boyfriend and I found this beach in summer that we could actually take Ranger out on, like it was a legit dog beach (sunken treasure, found!) I decided that in Ranger's old age, that he really needed to finally learn how to swim. So with his orange life vest on, I pulled him gently out into the deeper parts - although he was floating and without any effort would have stayed well above the water's surface, Ranger's whites of his eyes were showing, and his legs were furiously dog paddling beneath him. He did not like this, and when I pulled him close to me to hold him and reassure him he dug his nails deep into my flesh. He could not have run faster to the shore, to my boyfriend, and away from me once his feet could feel the bottom of the sea shore on our way back in.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/3264E65B-6000-4F20-A118-25C403EF1339.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger receiving his octogenarian swimming lesson on a LI beach.</figcaption></img></figure><p>There was another time near Moreau Lake in the Adirondacks, when I had just finished a triathlon training swimming session in the lake that I decided that in addition to our post training hike, that I would also take Ranger into the lake to get him to swim. He was most annoyed about this attempt - I don't think I was actually able to get him out into the water, he just stayed on the shore barking at me, very loudly and very crossly. Each time I tried to cajole him into the water, his barking got more vociferous, he knew exactly what I was up to - so I didn't even try to lead him in by the strap on his life vest.</p><p>Once in Oyster Bay, Ranger thought I was going to try that 'swimming lesson' thing again. I guess he could see it in my eyes, and he pushed himself up against my boyfriend's side and just started barking while looking at him, pleading to him to not let Mommy try her swimming lesson crap again. I didn't.</p><p>Ranger was always very compliant about being lifted into the canoe though, I guess he knew the difference between being hoisted up to go into the dry canoe, as opposed to being hoisted out to receive a swimming lesson. There was only one time that things didn't go as planned on a canoe trip. We were trying to get out on Saratoga Lake. I'm not sure what went wrong - but I capsized the canoe at the very start of our trip. With a canoe, once the water comes in, the water quickly overtakes the canoe and submerges it. I can vividly remember from that summer excursion, seeing Ranger seated in front of me just going down into the water while sitting in the canoe. He was so calm and chill about the whole thing - once he was in the water he just hung out there in his life vest and waited for me to do something. It was one of those times when I couldn't decide whether to laugh or be anxious, Ranger was so calm - but I swear I could hear him inwardly saying, <em>"I can't believe she capsized us."</em> Once I righted the situation and the canoe, Ranger happily got back in the vessel with me and off we went rowing around Saratoga Lake, like nothing at all had happened. He was as happy as a clam, and probably enjoyed the coolness of his lake dip now that we were under the hot mountain sun. The lakes we canoed in were Round Lake, Lonely Lake, Saratoga Lake, Moreau Lake and Brant Lake.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/F1D9725C-11AC-412A-8467-2A60E063C355.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and I lounging in the canoe on some lake.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0DA37E0D-E23E-43AC-8F05-88FC8E179522.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger enjoying the captain of our canoe (my boyfriend) ferry him across the lake.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/1BF61094-44E8-4986-98C0-67328ECB9071.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>We would often disembark from the canoe to explore unknown shores, such as in this picture where we explored the far shores of Round Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Not all of my water experiences with Ranger were in the water. Sometimes we were <em>on</em> it. Up north, a popular thing to do is walk across the frozen lakes in the area. Some people ice fish on the lakes, ride their snowmobiles out on it, play hockey on it, takes their trucks out on it, and even once I saw a bunch of ice motorcyclists having races on the frozen lake. Ranger and I stuck to walking across lakes and ice fishing. Ranger had no fear about going out on the frozen lake, usually I'd be pretty cautious the first hundred feet or so, especially in the beginning of the season, but he'd scoot right out there and of course he had to mark the lake as his own - so the first order of business was creating a mini ice fishing hole by peeing on the lake. I never had a sense if Ranger 'got' that we were walking on frozen water, or if he knew these were the same bodies of water we had canoed through just a few months prior. But I always did sense that he knew this type of ground was different than ordinary ground, because he walked across these lakes with so much relish and delight. We walked out on Round Lake, Saratoga Lake and Moreau Lake. I think once we ventured out at Lake George, but didn't go too far. We ice fished at Round Lake, and Ranger lay on his sleeping bag the whole excursion, looking at my boyfriend and I with mild interest, while we made the hole with the auger and then spent the rest of the time drinking beer and trying to catch fish.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/1F2869CB-0187-4643-B427-944A8603C4DB.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>On one of our frozen lake walks.</figcaption></img></figure><p/><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E5B4E632-03DA-4610-9261-FB946AEF7234.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ice fishing as a family on Round Lake!</figcaption></img></figure><p>Ranger and I went back down to Florida in November of 2017, my StepFather was very ill. A few nights before my StepFather did pass from this life to the next - Ranger and I were at Dog Beach together. Ranger was lying next to me and he lifted his front leg up, put his paw on my leg and looked back at me. I will never forget this beautiful gesture of knowing and comfort from Ranger. He knew what was going on with my StepFather, and Ranger supported me the whole time. Usually Ranger was not keen on being left on his own in the truck - he would start barking, once I left him in his cab seat. On the last night of my StepFather's life, I brought Ranger with me to the hospice house located in an overgrown interior section of Florida that was as close to a feeling of the Everglades as I had ever experienced. I needed to leave Ranger in the truck during the night as I spent the night next to my StepFather in a chair. I talked to Ranger, looking him right in the eye, he knew what this was about - as I closed the truck cab door leaving him in the air conditioned vehicle, all was silent. Ranger didn't bark once that whole night. My StepFather's room was right near the truck, on the ground floor - I could really feel how Ranger was with both my StepFather and I through that night.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0F256BF1-6726-48C7-B95A-F67C03173A8B.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger puts his paw on my foot to comfort me.</figcaption></img></figure><p>It wasn't until Ranger crossed over that I noticed some pictures I had of Ranger standing on a rocky outcrop near the Hudson River. The river and rock in front of Ranger had some white powder on it. I had forgotten that Ranger was with me, when I let most of my former dog Booker's, and my former cat Cherie's ashes flow into the river. Ranger understands the cycle of life, he has been there with me in many letting go's and with me through incredible transformational periods in my life. <em>He is my guide, both in life as well as in spirit.</em></p><p>It was February 22, 2020. We had driven to Norfolk, VA to throw my Grandmother a surprise birthday on her 100th birthday. We were on the beach in Norfolk, the day before her birthday and party. Ranger was excited to be at the shore, and that happiness showed even though he was hobbling some from his arthritis. As the Virginia sun started to set on this cold but sunny day, Ranger ran in a hobbling fashion up ahead of me, intent on inspecting some rock or stick. In that moment, I just knew, this would be our last beach time together in this world. I don't know how or why I had that feeling, but a few days later Ranger would have his first seizure out of the blue, and a week later would be diagnosed with a brain tumor.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/74A7A4CB-EB69-4914-84FA-AC94A289B934.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger, up ahead of us on the beach in Norfolk, VA.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/0173E3A7-4A9D-4078-824C-9911AB2B4032.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger would often look like he was 'meditating' when lying near water. Eyes closed and taking in the moment.</figcaption></img></figure><p>One of the things I'm incredibly grateful for is getting to go canoeing with Ranger a couple more times before he left this world. We went to Brant Lake and had an amazing time exploring our 'Gilligan's Island'. We also caught 2 beautiful sunfish on Moreau Lake, and Ranger heartily approved of our fish catching efforts.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/CE592D1F-267A-418F-AA7F-0DEFFDC4F3FD.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Canoeing together on Brant Lake, during Ranger's illness.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/65E9065A-03C1-411D-A1ED-052D4C931D6B.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Exploring 'Gilligan's Island' together on the Brant Lake canoe trip! Ranger did so great.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/A80C89ED-C1E7-4BB7-A0F9-4FADC5E18D69.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger approves of the sunfish Nugi caught on Moreau Lake.</figcaption></img></figure><p>During the last few months of Ranger's life, we would go to Saratoga Lake often on my lunch break. He would walk when he could to the blanket I put near the water's edge, or I would carry him to it. There were times during this period where Ranger was visibly uncomfortable, but when we would get to the lake he would have a complete change of countenance. It was like the lake and water soothed his spirit and his body, he would become completely peaceful, and often go into his waterside 'meditation' that I had seen him do so many times while laying near a lake or the ocean.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/1AB9A968-048C-4646-95F7-C72123EC7159.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and I spending lunchtimes at Saratoga Lake during his illness.</figcaption></img></figure><p>These days we live near the Jersey Shore. I go to the shore about every week, I feel Ranger calling me there. I know in my heart that he likes it when I go to the beach, I have often felt him as I walked along the boardwalk or sat at the shore. This is not a time of year that people visit the beach, so it's largely empty. The wind is whipping hard, the ocean looks both glassy and angry with her worn beach-glass color and her whipped-cream-edged waves - the sand is blasting me as if I'm in a desert sand storm - air is frigid and the sky is a vast, eerily endless blue. Ranger is no longer lying at my side physically, but I know he's there with me.</p><p><em>I love you Ranger.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-2.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/7825A31B-B8E4-4D22-BE8B-56D1EE3DB36F.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Beaches & Lakes"><figcaption>Ranger and I on Norfolk Beach. My last time at the beach with my beloved best friend.</figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies]]></title><description><![CDATA[I have a lot more questions than answers about these creatures, but know from my personal experiences with Ranger that they are somehow connected with life on the other side. About a week before Ranger crossed over on September 2, 2020, a beautiful large butterfly with wings of the most lush blue color kept alighting over and over in front of myself and Ranger in our campground yard. Ranger was lying across my lap, I was enjoying his company and stroking him in the warm August sunlight. When the]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/insets-butterflies-dragonflies/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60189e698d17a8001c74f1f3</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2021 01:24:33 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E9ECC177-859D-4FA4-8824-5733D87244B3.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E9ECC177-859D-4FA4-8824-5733D87244B3.jpg" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"/><p>I have a lot more questions than answers about these creatures, but know from my personal experiences with Ranger that they are somehow connected with life on the other side. About a week before Ranger crossed over on September 2, 2020, a beautiful large butterfly with wings of the most lush blue color kept alighting over and over in front of myself and Ranger in our campground yard. Ranger was lying across my lap, I was enjoying his company and stroking him in the warm August sunlight. When the blue butterfly first appeared I was delighted by its beauty but sure that it would soon flitter away, as butterflies do. But this one would land in front of us, fly up and then land again right in front of us, over and over. Its behavior caught my eye, as it seemed to be trying to get my attention by landing in front of me repetitively - it was if it had something to say. The butterfly kept up her dance for about 20 minutes before she finally flew off. I had never seen a blue butterfly at the camp, and I never again would after that day.</p><p>Long before the beautiful blue butterfly, I had started to really take notice of insect activity on and around Ranger during his health crisis. The first thing I noticed were these Daddy Long Leg spiders with very long legs and super big bellies that would appear on his head, on his body and butt - both inside and outside the house, and even in the truck. A Daddy Long Legs is not an unusual sight at all, and there were occasionally one of them in the downstairs bathtub. But the ones I had seen before always had normal size bellies, and the ones that started appearing on Ranger had bellies of a proportion I had never witnessed before. They appeared on him so frequently that my mind flagged something as unusual about this activity, but I really didn't know what to think about it beyond it being odd. And then I noticed other unusual insect appearances - once when we were lying on the porch, I saw a large black scarab crawl up him and head to his belly area. In the years I'd been up in Malta, I had never seen a black scarab anywhere, and certainly this one, crawling on Ranger really got my attention. At the end of June there was a proliferation of stinkbugs. Stinkbugs are not unusual in and of themselves - but I started to notice that there were always stinkbugs near Ranger on the porch, and then I saw 3 stinkbugs inside the home - and they did not leave for weeks. When we moved to the campsite in NJ in July, somehow these stinkbugs would be on our motorcycles, and then there were a few inside the RV as well. It seemed everywhere I looked, that a stinkbug was tracking Ranger and I...As I said, stinkbugs are nothing really to bat an eye at, but the way these bugs were always around us and in the weirdest places - I thought to myself again, 'this is not normal insect behavior'. I really don't have much to say about all these insect appearances except that there seemed to be some kind of connection between Ranger and these creatures.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/7DF84D2E-34C3-4539-AF54-D3B0D56D69A2.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"><figcaption>Ranger in the truck with a Daddy Long Legs near his butt in the truck.</figcaption></img></figure><p>It wasn't until Ranger crossed over to the spirit world, that the explosion of insect communication really started. A few weeks after his crossing I had my first visitation by a very large green dragonfly. I was sitting on the steps of of our RV, and the green dragonfly flew from nowhere directly at me - and then it continued to do this, fly away a short distance then fly right back at me. I had the distinct sense it was communicating with me. It wasn't flying around me, it was flying at me.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/663610D7-FBE4-48EF-831A-D2955F485E23.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"><figcaption>The green dragonfly flies at me, first of many times - a screenshot from the video</figcaption></img></figure><p>A short time later, a few days on, as I was walking around the lake at our campground, overcome with such deep pain, I sat down by the water's edge. Perched on a rock at the lake's edge was an orange dragonfly. As I'm looking at the dragonfly, he flies towards me and lands on my knee. I was kind of shocked, I had never had a dragonfly land on me before. He sat on my knee for a while, and then decided to fly to my hand and sit on my hand. I truly thought that maybe this would keep up for a few minutes at most and then my orange dragonfly friend would fly away or back to his rock to perch on. There were no other dragonflies visible on the lake that day, it was just this beautiful orange creature. The dragonfly continued to sit on my knee or hand for the next 40 minutes! Pretty much all of which I have on video. At times he would fly off a very short distance and then return promptly to my hand. Now during this 40 minutes I experienced some very curious sensations with my friend, he would often turn his body so that his multi-eyed oculi were facing directly towards me, as if he was studying me. For the whole time I felt a sense of such tender love flowing from his microscopic legs, through and up my arms and flooding my whole body. At the end of our time together he flew away, just gone. I know after looking into it that there are dragonflies who are perchers, they protect their dragonfly clan and also heat up their bodies by perching. Perching on a rock is one thing, but I would say it is definitely abnormal insect behavior for a dragonfly to do a marathon perch on a human being for three quarters of an hour!</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/6A6950B5-697B-4C8B-8EF5-E2AB320094B0.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"><figcaption>The visit from the orange dragonfly.</figcaption></img></figure><p>I traveled back upstate to Malta a short time later. It was such a hard trip, I had decided to return Ranger's barely used new bottles of anti-convulsants to the clinic so that another pet owner who may not have been tight on cash could benefit them. I'm not sure how I actually made it to the clinic, I just had so many tears flooding my face. The tears were still flowing after I left the clinic and made the rest of the short drive to the home in Malta. As I pull into my driveway, a large Monarch butterfly appears right in front of my truck window, stayed there for a few moments, and then did a reverse dive straight up into the blue sky. It didn't fly away, it literally dove right upwards into the sky and out of sight. I felt in that moment a deep sense of connection and soothing - I felt that butterfly came just for me.</p><p>I'm not sure if it was this trip to Malta or the one after - but I decided to take the canoe to Moreau Lake to honor Ranger. Ranger loved to go out on the canoe on the lakes up in the Adirondack Region, and Moreau Lake was really one of our favorites. We had also been out on this lake with my boyfriend, the 3 of us in the canoe, fishing and eating lunch. There really is not greater joy than those times we all shared together, out on the lakes in the canoe. The lake was so beautiful on this September afternoon with leaves just beginning to catch fire and it felt so peaceful at the start of my row. But I was the only one out on that lake the whole afternoon, and the peaceful feeling started to morph into a deep melancholy, loneliness and grief. I was out here alone, without my best friend. His life jacket was tied around one of the canoe beams, but he was not physically in the canoe with me. I started to cry hard in the middle of the lake. In a little while, I noticed this black dot in the sky on the other side of the lake. I saw the black dot moving towards me in a straight line...surely this was not another butterfly? It was a butterfly, moving straight towards me, unwavering, not dallying with anything on that lake but instead making a direct trajectory to me. I'm not sure how long it took that butterfly to reach me, a minute or two?, but it did and once it came close to my heart area, it flew straight up over my head and out of sight. In the 3 hours I was on the lake that afternoon I had not seen one single other butterfly, except for this one who pursued me with purpose from the edge of the lake. </p><p>After these experiences, it seemed that the unusual insect activity faded away. But not entirely. A few months later in November when we moved to our new campground, we were befriended by our neighbor's dog, an Australian Collie. Cuda would bring so much joy to us as he would greet us in the morning in our yard, and give us so much love when he would see us. One day he came over to my boyfriend and I and promptly laid down across my boyfriend's foot. This was a behavior Ranger would do all the time, lay across his foot. My boyfriend noticed it right away and looked at me - and in the next instant we saw a big Daddy Long Legs with a big belly walking around the perimeter of Cuda. We both looked at each other, we didn't have to say a word. We've now been at this other campground for 4 months and this is the only Daddy Long Legs we've seen here...</p><p>What really amazes me is that after experiencing some of the butterfly and dragonfly visitations, I learned through reading books on afterlife experiences after Ranger crossed over, that actually <strong>many</strong> people have had these experiences with butterflies and dragonflies - those experiences that I would coin 'abnormal insect behavior'. It just amazed me that in book after book I read, that I saw that my experiences with the green and orange dragonfly were experiences that other people had with these creatures when their loved ones crossed over. I even listened to a neurosurgeon who had a near death experience, and rode to the world of spirit on the back of a large blue butterfly...</p><p>Reading these accounts left me with more questions than answers. What are these creatures doing? Do they travel between the worlds? Do our loved ones in spirit have the ability to manipulate their behavior to show us that they are communicating with us and loving us from that other world? Why do so many people have experiences with butterflies and dragonflies? I can't seem to find answers to these questions, the best I can come up with after some meditation and time is that perhaps these creatures live in both worlds - and are messengers that can truly communicate and live between both the physical & spirit worlds.</p><p><em>Note: February 5, 2021. I had just had a powerful and intense communication period with Ranger the day before after moving a couple of years worth of photos of his from 2011-2014 into a folder with his name. Later that evening, my partner came back from standing outside our RV in the snow and said he had just smelled Ranger's poop. Neither of us have had the poop smell visitation since September (see my post on Smelling Poop). This morning after my meditation I asked Ranger if he could please send a campground dog to me. On our walk, our neighbor's dog, Buddy ran over to my partner and I and showered us in a lot of love. The campground, filled with snow from the Nor'easter was peaceful but empty, devoid of any human or animal form - except for Buddy. When I came back into the RV to take a shower, I opened up the shower door and a stinkbug dropped right from the ceiling to the shower floor in front of me. It's the dead of Winter here in the North East, the last stinkbug I saw was from 5 months ago. Here was this lone stinkbug, living in our RV with us unbeknownst to us, and it decides to make its presence known this morning by dropping dramatically from the shower ceiling in front of me...abnormal insect behavior.</em></p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/057F1430-72A2-44AA-9E7B-74A0EE7010CE.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"><figcaption>Stinkbug drops in front of me in the shower, in our RV, in the middle of Winter.</figcaption></img></figure><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5888766C-9F48-487E-817C-3BC1747EC1A2.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="Insects, Butterflies & Dragonflies"><figcaption>My partner puts the lone stinkbug on a plant we have in the RV after the shower visitation.</figcaption></img></figure>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Walk]]></title><description><![CDATA[The walk is the life blood, the marrow of our enduring and intimate relationship with our dogs. It's a ritual both simple as it is nourishing. There's alchemy that happens on that walk, a transfer between souls - lessons communicated between stops for potty breaks, the sniffing of some interesting scent and the taking in of nature. The walk for us humans, forces us to stop our addiction to the treadmills of life and work, to engage in something simple, refreshing and mindful with our best frien]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/the-walk/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__6015b443c789a7001ca4fbb5</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 30 Jan 2021 20:10:07 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5FC2ED50-8744-4858-BF3B-180184D0F734.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/5FC2ED50-8744-4858-BF3B-180184D0F734.jpg" alt="The Walk"/><p>The walk is the life blood, the marrow of our enduring and intimate relationship with our dogs. It's a ritual both simple as it is nourishing. There's alchemy that happens on that walk, a transfer between souls - lessons communicated between stops for potty breaks, the sniffing of some interesting scent and the taking in of nature.</p><p>The walk for us humans, forces us to stop our addiction to the treadmills of life and work, to engage in something simple, refreshing and mindful with our best friends. The walk is a communion, a holy time and it bookmarks the beginning, middle and end of our days. There are so many types of walks we share with our dogs throughout their lives. In the beginning, the walk may include a lot of pulling and opportunities for training. Puppies are eager to soak in the world and engage with everyone and everyone around them. When Ranger first came to me, he was 2, so we didn't share those puppy walks together. But the walks with him at 2 years old always involved a theater of squirrels, and in Washington Heights, NYC, squirrels were as abundant in our environment as actors, musicians and artists were in the neighborhood. We lived near Fort Tryon Park, near the Cloisters and Ranger loved everything about this park from the scrambling up rock boulders, to the various scents of plants and animals to the sweet tall grass he would nibble on like a pitbull nee cow. But most of all, Ranger would intensely focus on squirrels, watching them run up and down trees while he was seated on a park bench with me, or egging them on while they taunted him by coming up close to him, or once in a while chasing them full boar off the leash through a wooded area. This chase did not end well for one particular squirrel on an afternoon forest walk. Ranger's name means Forest Guardian. And this was truly what he was, a guardian of the forest. It was like he was born to the forest - the forest was where he came alive. Luckily we lived near the only true forest in the island of Manhattan, Inwood Hill Park. Inwood Hill Park is a tri-canopy forest, and home to Skorakopock Rock, one of two purported locations where Peter Minuit 'bought' the isle of Manhattan from the Reckgawawang Indians for just a few trinkets.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/ABEF9BBB-FE12-4192-BBF2-BCC7771B62F6.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Ranger walked all over Fort Tryon and Inwood Hill Parks in Manhattan during his youth.</figcaption></img></figure><p>In his youth, sometimes I would run with Ranger, and later one of his dog walkers would even roller blade with him on their afternoon walks. Ranger's walk in his youth was equal parts supreme athleticism, poise and stoicism. His athletic beauty in his youth was something I will never forget - how he would easily fly up to the top of a tall tree stump in the woods, to better survey the woodland ongoings around him. He would sail over large fallen trees as he careened up and down forest hills. On one particular evening, 3 days after I first received Ranger, standing on the turret of the Cloister's garden, he went from standing still to flying over the 3ft turret wall. The first miracle that I encountered with my new best friend was that he didn't die from that event - on the other side of the wall is a 40 foot drop to the street, and somehow luckily, Ranger landed on his feet on a little ledge about 8 feet down. We were able to rappel down the wall's edge to save him.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/E867EAAB-5E55-4FD6-A4CB-CE1AE2157D8C.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Ranger was quite a jumper in his youth, and would sail up atop logs, or fly over them.</figcaption></img></figure><p>As with everything in life, there are seasons and it seems to me now, that there was never a moment in Ranger's life when I spent any serious time considering him traveling into old age and eventually passing into the next life. I would always push the edge of these thoughts away - Ranger was eternal to me, but the seasons did change, even if I couldn't acknowledge their entrance. It wasn't long before we had moved Westward to NJ and Ranger was around 8 that I first noticed that arthritis started to nibble away at his athletic prowess. It's actually not something I noticed right away, it was brought to my attention by a friend - who said to me that he really thought Ranger might be suffering some and that he seemed to be getting arthritic when walking. It may sound strange to some, but my mind took some time to notice any changes in Ranger. As Ranger started his walk towards seniorhood I felt like my awareness of his seniorness was akin to a crab being boiled in a pot - it would often take me a while to really see how old age was catching him, little bit by little bit.</p><p>Ranger's walks through his senior years were very different than his walks in his youth. Gone were the times of streaking effortless up and down forest hills, and flying over high logs in pursuit of a squirrel. Despite all kinds of glucosomine-chondroitin supplements, Ranger's arthritis worsened. Loss doesn't start the moments are dogs cross over that fabled rainbow bridge, it starts in these senior years when things we used to do we can't anymore. The walks had changed forever. Their lengths would be shortened, Ranger sometimes had to be carried for part of a hike and gone were the days of running together. Ranger started on Rimadyl, which seemed to be a miracle drug - allowing him to still walk and not become completely crippled. This drug was far from a miracle and I would learn that in Ranger's geriatric years, when I decided to pretty much take him off and do acupuncture instead. The acupuncture was amazing, and it allowed Ranger to still go on our neighborhood walks and very short hikes. There are a couple of carrying Ranger moments that are so beautiful in my memory. One time was when we went hiking at Bear Mountain - the hike down was very steep and going downhill was very difficult for Ranger, so up he went onto my shoulders. I carried him down on my shoulders for about 2 miles. I felt he was quite content up there, and felt very loved and cared for. Another time Ranger was carried was when he was younger but had cut his pad on a peace of glass - my boyfriend at the time hoisted him up on his shoulders and walked close to 6 miles from Inwood Hill Park to our home with Ranger perched up on his shoulders. Carrying Ranger was a beautiful thing, it happened a few more times in his life, and towards the end of his earthly life - carrying Ranger mostly took the place of the walk.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/51493956-5370-414A-82FB-B0AC00F83E19.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Ranger being carried down the mountainside at Bear Mountain.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Ranger was a strong boy in his geriatric years. He was doing well with the acupuncture and still bounded through the snow that was a continual theme in our Adirondack Region home. When we lived in this region, we had to forgo most Adirondack hikes, but there were some mild and moderate ones we did, as well as the local traipses through Luther Park and the walks through the woods at Saratoga Spa Park. In the Winter there would be walks across many frozen lakes, including Moreau Lake, Round Lake and Saratoga Lake. I loved all my walks with Ranger during the time we lived in upstate NY, getting to share the beauty of nature in these parts with him is something I will carry with me forever. When Ranger got really sick, I deeply grieved the walks we would never take again up there, well before he actually left this world.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-1.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/63515338-6110-40F8-9913-CF8E47EEC139.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Hiking in the Adirondack Mountains.</figcaption></img></figure><p/><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/38C6ECD3-3F94-4A64-A532-D3DD5F3C657F.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Walks in the snow were Ranger's favorite.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Everything on the walk was manageable until it wasn't anymore. There would be sudden episodes now where Ranger would tumble down our front concrete steps out of the blue, or we'd be walking along together and his legs would give out under him and he'd just fall over. These moments were shocking to me and completely heartbreaking. I didn't understand them, it seemed that not so long ago we were enjoying walks along ravines and creeks with Ranger paddling around in the water and trotting up ahead of me on the path. On a couple of these falls, Ranger's nose would get bloodied or he would cry out in pain, or shock, or both.</p><p>Those moments were the beginning of what would be the biggest walk of our lives together, Ranger had a grand mal seizure in the end of February while we were down in Virginia celebrating my Grandmother's 100th birthday. When we returned to upstate NY he commenced 3 days of cluster seizuring. We went to the doctor when they first started, and I didn't think he was going to come out alive from this but he did. Ranger was diagnosed by differential diagnosis with a brain tumor in early March. It was a punch to the gut, and led to an agonized state of trying to figure out if at his advanced age of 14, with severe drug sensitivities, and cluster seizures if he'd actually make it through general anesthesia to do an MRI. After so much praying and discussing, we decided not to do the MRI. </p><p>Ranger's health crisis lasted 6 months. I witnessed him go from being able to walk up and down the stairs of our duplex to not being able to walk up or down at all. At first I would carry my 75lb baby up and down the stairs throughout the day to take him out. At some point we just moved downstairs, and Ranger would never walk up those stairs again. Ranger went through times, when he was unsteady walking down the hall to the outside, so my hands would always be on either side of his body, with one hand around the harness. There were times when I really had to assist Ranger with the walk on the backyard lawn, and times when amazingly we could have a beautiful almost normal walk around our neighborhood. After suffering status epilepticus in late June of 2020, Ranger devolved into a coma state where he didn't eat, drink, pee or poop for 7 days. He was paralyzed and at times barely conscious, and we were very much on the verge of helping him to cross over. The miracle that ensued is something I will never forget, or stop thanking God for. Ranger started eating, drinking and eliminating suddenly again on that 7th day - and within 4 weeks Ranger was walking fully on his own and peeing and pooping on his own.</p><p>I believe that dogs feel a deep sense of dignity from their ability to walk and go to the bathroom unaided. I could see it with Ranger, that everything in him was fighting to be able to go on walks again and he seemed immensely joyful and happy when he could finally go to the bathroom on his own again.</p><p>We had recently moved to a campground in NJ when Ranger fully regained his abilities again after that terrible status epilepticus crisis. Ranger could walk for short distances, and one of my most cherished memories is the walk he and I would do from our RV front door to around the other side of the RV for his daily outdoor shower. When Ranger was receiving his shower, he would look at other dogs that might be walking past on the road next to our campsite. In those moments I would be welled up with such deep and pressing grief, and also immense gratitude at being able to share the simple pleasures of walking together in nature, lathering him up with shampoo and massaging his body, and just being together for this morning ritual. Ranger always loved getting a bath, so in many ways these end days had the essence of things we'd done through our whole walk together - walks in nature and baths.</p><figure class="kg-card kg-image-card kg-card-hascaption"><img src="https://res-3.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/F8D3463D-FD37-4EA1-ABA6-CB4534A78D98.jpg" class="kg-image" alt="The Walk"><figcaption>Ranger loved his walks through the forests in the Adirondack Region with my boyfriend.</figcaption></img></figure><p>Ranger's crossing over came suddenly, he went into an increasingly violent state of status epilepticus on the morning of September 2, 2020. No matter what anti-convulsant I administered I felt inside my soul that he was getting ready to leave. I knew there were no more miracles, no more rallies and no more earthly walks - so we drove him over to our new doctor in Tranquility, NJ. I carried Ranger out of the truck as I'd carried him so many times in and out of the truck through the years. He was laid on one of his coats on a yellow blanket on the grass under a giant tree. The day before had been sunny, but the clouds were brooding on this summer day - and off in the distance I took in the rolling bands of cornfields, some very tall trees and low green hills. Ranger's final walk was assisted, my partner and I walked him with loving embraces and hearts right to where God came and greeted him.</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Ranger's Candle]]></title><description><![CDATA[Ranger, your light is always with us. Your joy and happiness illuminate me daily. This candle has lots of butterflies around it because you sent me these butterflies when you left.]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/rangers-candle/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__601326941292e7001cb1165d</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 28 Jan 2021 21:04:25 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/butterflycandles.gif" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-4.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/butterflycandles.gif" alt="Ranger's Candle"/><p>Ranger, your light is always with us. Your joy and happiness illuminate me daily. This candle has lots of butterflies around it because you sent me these butterflies when you left.</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[Ranger]]></title><description><![CDATA[God bless you my sweet pup. I am dedicated to continuing our relationship in its new form. I will always listen for you, look for you, honor you, celebrate you, walk with you and wait for you...you have my heart & soul.]]></description><link>https://gifted-kowalevski-393cf8.netlify.com/ranger/</link><guid isPermaLink="false">Ghost__Post__60083b367918cf001cf02a6b</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Nicole Rose]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Wed, 20 Jan 2021 14:16:59 GMT</pubDate><media:content url="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-beach.jpg" medium="image"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<img src="https://res-5.cloudinary.com/hmnqyibcr/image/upload/q_auto/v1/ghost-blog-images/Ranger-beach.jpg" alt="Ranger"/><p>God bless you my sweet pup. I am dedicated to continuing our relationship in its new form. I will always listen for you, look for you, honor you, celebrate you, walk with you and wait for you...you have my heart & soul.</p>]]></content:encoded></item></channel></rss>